Rocked to my foundations

[Sunne]

Hi everyone , I'm new here; in fact I joined predominantly to try and understand what I've experienced over the last few months. I've never been particularly spiritual but I've always been curious and restless about the world and my place in it that's what drew me to science and rationality I guess. However all of these thoughts flew competely out of the window the day I laid eyes on him. We had arranged to meet for the first time at a bar ; within seconds I had sensed my life would never be the same again; it was as if literally some inner part of me had awakened in seeing him. That first date lasted 8hrs and the only reason we left each other was the realisation that we both needed sleep. What followed over the next month was a headiness which I can only describe as the purest form of joy I've ever encountered in my 29 yrs of life; this type of connection seemed to even transcend the world love but it was also a shock to my system ; my worldview, even my sense of self but nonetheless I persevered ....he was too important , this was too important whatever it is. Alas , perhaps he didn't feel the same way , one month into what can only be described as the most profound human connection I've ever had with another person ( ps I've been in relationships before , am close to and love my family , have amazing close Friends...this was something else entirely ) , he Called it off . I still remember the shock of it , i felt as though I was going to throw up ; it was an intense reaction my body was going through ...he still wanted to be in touch , to be friends .....he continued to text me almost everyday , We saw each other one more time, it was hell waking away that last time. Two weeks later I msg him telling him how the experience was for me ....I just needed him to know ....he replies telling me I'm awesome and thanking me; he tells me to look after myself ....he's going to continue on his travels , backpacking around the world Untill his money runs out ; it felt like goodbye ....forever . Three months later and it still feels as though a part of me has died ; while another has awoken . I can best describe it as a knowing but a deep sadness that sits at the core of my being ; a sadness so deep that I not dare engage with it fully for fear of the depth of what I will feel. Am I losing my mind ? What was this , what if it was just me feeling it ? What happeneds now .....the universe seems so cold , so vast , so cruel all of a sudden .....

ps. As crazy as it sounds I also recognised I've had dreams from my childhood which seem to be parts his actually childhood memories !!! ( we are the same age and born three days apart )....I'm still not sure what to believe though

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

1-welcome to the forums.
2-master your fear and explore the depths of you;
that opening you've found may have been the reason for this experience.
don't lose yourself in there though.
3-detach from thoughts which insist that true love can only express from
that one and only source
4-share your ideas/experiences with others (like ppl here) and learn from them as well

[Baile]

I've had three such connections in this lifetime. Years and years of unfulfilled relationship wishes and desires. It wasn't until my mid 40's I was able to let those past connections go and get on with the Now of my present. For me it's about honoring life, to live in the past is not honoring the gift of the present. But again, I was only able to come to that place of inner contentedness after many years, so perhaps it's just a time thing or even life-experience thing.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Sunne

the universe seems so cold , so vast , so cruel all of a sudden

There is a Japanese tale of a cloistered monk who curses the cherry tree because each spring its blossoms attract nature lovers from the town to the monk's mountain retreat. The spirit of the tree appears and tells him: "Whether you see lovers of nature or a bothersome crowd, is your choice. The cherry tree is not to blame."

Whether you see a cold and cruel universe, or a miraculous life experience that has gifted you with a soul awakening, is your choice.

[MissTetley]

There is much to learn in separation, including that there is no such thing as separation, it is the physical presence which is the actual illusion because soul energy is always soul energy and connected between twin souls.
Separation teaches us different ways of communicating with each other, the pain is because we want it easy, to be how we know it has been and it feels like a punishment to find it taken away but don't blame your twin for that.
This is their role, if they didn't make the choice something else would step in and create the separation. Never think or believe that this means the love is diminished or means less to them.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by MissTetley

There is much to learn in separation, including that there is no such thing as separation, it is the physical presence which is the actual illusion because soul energy is always soul energy and connected between twin souls.
Separation teaches us different ways of communicating with each other, the pain is because we want it easy, to be how we know it has been and it feels like a punishment to find it taken away but don't blame your twin for that.
This is their role, if they didn't make the choice something else would step in and create the separation. Never think or believe that this means the love is diminished or means less to them.

Very nice! I learned something.

[JoeVallee]

Hi Sunne,
Sure sounds like a twin flame. When twin flames are not ready spiritually they tend not to last at first. See this as a wakeup call for your soul to do everything that you can to wake up spiritually and be ready when he returns. You already know that he is in this world and that is wonderful! But first he has to learn to Love himself and find himself, then and only then will he be ready. So that the mission you could undertake together will be an success. You have been blessed to meet him in this lifetime.
Welcome to the forum and we will enjoy growing with you.
Love Joe

[HMyBodhisattva]

It might not be a physical goodbye forever. It sounds like he has some spiritual growth going on, and no doubt meeting you and experiencing what you had will help him on his spiritual journey and in his travels. Try not to focus on what you don't have, which is the physical him right now, but what you do. You've gained an awakening with him as the catalyst. You will always have an energetic connection, so now this is time for you to learn about what you experienced and expand on it. Read others twin/soul experiences, but try not to get too caught up in trying to make what you experienced fit a definition of this or that... that can suck up a lot of energy. :)

I've also experienced an awakening similar to yours. :)

Welcome to the forums!

[Somnia]

Hi Sunne...

Originally Posted by Sunne

Three months later and it still feels as though a part of me has died ; while another has awoken . I can best describe it as a knowing but a deep sadness that sits at the core of my being ; a sadness so deep that I not dare engage with it fully for fear of the depth of what I will feel.

I agree with what the others are saying about this person being a catalyst for your personal awakening...I also agree with HORACE in I believe it is important to face one's fears, no matter how uncomfortable/painful it may feel in the moment...In the long run you will become a stronger person and will gain a lot of inner wisdom and spiritual growth when you face and fully resolve these painful feelings...