Any Advice For My Twin Flame Situation?

[kybe333]

So here is my Twin Flame situation:

Met her in January in college, I was a senior she was a junior. Fell in love within weeks, felt like I've known her my entire life... My philosophy teacher said "When you're in love the other person looks like the most beautiful person in the world", well that's how I still honestly see her just by looking at a pic of her. I am also 100% sure she is my twin flame, I can sort of see people's essence when looking at them, syncronicities, etc. Found out like 3 weeks into the relationship she was from Canada(Vancouver), college is in Pennsylvania, sort of let down initially, but I'm the sort who let things play out, I follow my heart more than my rational mind, I live in the moment instead of having plans and goals and expectations, etc. Go figure though, of all the girls I could have found this one that I was madly in love with was from another country, part of the reason I know this is a TF relationship, the odds were kind of against us from the get-go. Things were going great, she went back home during summer vacation and came back. I graduated, she was in her senior year, I would visit every weekend though, and I even moved in with a friend near the college to be closer to her after I lost my job.

When I lost my first real job though things went downhill. I kind of have a problem with authority and this society and absolutely hate feeling like a "corporate slave", I have an issue with work in general lol. I began drinking heavily (I was making up for all of the parties I missed during college in the past couple years(social anxiety)), then all of my past traumas and issues began to surface and be healed in the presence of my twin flame, my first experience of true love began this process. Well let's just say I was a mess, deeply personal issues and severe traumas don't just heal without confronting them, there is a lot of growing pains, it felt like dying at times, like my world was ending. At times I felt like I was going back and forth between insanity, I have an addictive personality and the things that I consumed during the time were probably not helping to keep me stable.

Well this mental instability caused me to lash out at her, my mind was tricking me into thinking she was against me at times, and I said some pretty hurtful things over the remaining 5 months together. I would also get jealous because she has a lot of guy friends, and I loved her so much that I wanted her all for myself. All of these things caused me to completely lose my sense of self by becoming so attached to her and basically self-destruct. The irony is that this pushed me farther away from her (no one likes someone that is needy and doesn't take care of themselves). These were lessons though that the universe was teaching me in real time: How to love, how to let go... how to focus on yourself while another person is the center of your world. So let's just say that I had more than a few actions and words that I didn't realize how much I hurt her, she went from thinking I was "the one", to wanting nothing to do with me in about 5 months.

I would also miss certain events she invited me to because my anxiety was so bad at the time(I usually can't give a public presentation without my entire face going beet red and choking on every other word(it's pretty bad)). I missed an award ceremony at the end of her year for her lacrosse team because of this (and because I looked like **** from the alcohol), it was all too much for me, and I didn't realize how much this hurt her. I am good at empathizing, but I don't really care about awards and events and all that, so I didn't really know.

We both mirror each other, we can both be passive-aggressive and very stubborn, she was very cold toward the end of the year, we just kept fighting more and more. The universe literally pulled us apart though, it had to happen this way, there were a series of crazy snowstorms and car breaking down, having no laptop, that contributed to me completely forgetting to buy that 1 year anniversary/Christmas present combo we agreed on. I bet that hurt a lot.

You had to be there though to sympathize with me, I have been through hell on earth for many years (being relentlessly bullied in high school) but it was nothing compared to those 6 or 7 months before she graduated. I was at the point of life and death(I was considering ending it) and insanity(from the alcohol etc.), and spiritual growing pains and lessons being taught to me at the same time. Worst months of my life so far. Well she ended it a little bit before she graduated, and this made me feel abandoned and hurt etc, and kind of think she was against me, etc, me and her both becoming passive-aggressive etc. I was absolutely devastated though, it took two years from then to completely heal(it was very traumatic, if you knew how much I loved this girl).

Just like that this girl that changed my world was out of my life like that, and living in another country. Keep in mind though that I am just listing the bad times, I pretty much worshiped the ground she walked on when we were together, I absolutely adored her, it's just that my mind played tricks on me at times and I lashed out a bit verbally. I think the real reason though, what it came down to, is that she was afraid. I think I scared her because she knew how much I loved her, and all kinds of fears arise when you don't take a chance on love, things that no one has the answers to. How would I stand in front of a million people at a wedding with my severe severe anxiety (it's a bit better now), what would friends think etc.

I have spent the past two years back and forth between thinking she's my enemy, and loving her. Only recently have I been able to push past all that and forgive myself and her for what happened and love her unconditionally. She is still stuck in the vindictive pattern I was in though, with passive aggressive mind games and petty comments, etc. She started dating another guy (yet another lesson, My heart sank like the Titanic when I found this out), and I was forced to make a choice then and there about being happy that she was happy, or being mad because I was selfish and she was dating another person. I said "he's a lucky guy, you look happy in your pic". I wasn't jealous anymore even though it initially made me sick to my stomach that the love of my life was dating another. I could still sense resentment on her part and she claims that she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore, but I know deep down that isn't true. She slipped up once and said "and it hurts me to no end", i think she is in the runner phase and isn't being honest with herself, and she has to confront her issues to fully heal. I have fully healed and have learned to love her unconditionally to this day while also letting her go(she broke contact with me after a month of talking because talking with me while dating another became too overwhelming). She claimed "that door is locked and closed forever" when I talked about making up and putting the past behind us and that hurt a lot but I accepted it and respected her decision.

Is there a chance though? Because I know she is my twin flame, and love has to find a way... I think she is lying to herself, telling herself that I'm the bad guy, in order to protect herself and not get hurt again, she knows however who I really am and what kind of person I am, I cannot unsee what I saw in her(a goddess basically) and she cannot unsee what she saw in me, no matter how much she denies it. Will she come to terms or keep running? She is my complete opposite yet we are so very alike. She looks toward the future never quite arriving, so she tends to put the past behind her(aka. me).

I have learned all my lessons that the universe taught me and I have let go of her.... I have read this is the best chance of a twin flame reunion(after the fact), it just seems like the entire universe pulled us apart and every card in the deck was and is stacked against us, but is there a chance that those forces will work to put us back together? It doesn't take much to rekindle a fire, a single spark. I am going to California on vacation, and recently the thought entered my mind that I would bump into her (wishful thinking). I believe there are no coincidences... I have always gotten the short end of the stick in life(for spiritual growth of course!) but I can't just give up hope I guess. A very cute girl lightly rear ended my car while it was raining recently (how funny) and I got her number(for exchanging information). Even though I knew we were compatible on some level I just knew that no other girl could compare to my TF and didn't even bother to pursue, this is how I feel about every other girl right now and it has no signs of changing anytime soon.

This has been almost pure craziness from the very beginning("what a long strange trip it's been") to be given a taste of heaven that is my TF then have it be taken away is maddening. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and my I think of her, some days just as I wake up in the morning before I fully wake i think of her, I've had dreams of her recently...My subconscious gravitates toward her. I think our souls want to be together no matter the circumstance in this world. I need some kind of consolation (even just a good luck bud) because this thing keeps surfacing and I can't push it away and brush it under the rug, I just hope she will eventually see what we were together and who I am.

Please tell me there's a chance that the girl who said "that door is locked and closed forever" will want to get back together with me if I know 100% she is my twin flame? And I do know 100% just take my word for it, I have been forced to grow with her, and forced to grow even more without her. Thanks for reading.

Edit: I should also note the last time we started texting again (then she broke off texting within a month) and she added me back to facebook(broke that off too lol) I literally felt her in my heart chakra and had underlying issues with our relationship that I didn't even know were there that came to the surface to be healed.

Edit 2: I should also note that my TF appeared in my life at the exact time that I found and integrated my higher self.

[Mused]

Sorry if I missed it but have you worked on the issues that caused the breakup? Would you react differently if put in the same situation?

Anything is possible. But, she sounds confused too, and she even has a bf. What you can do is focus on yourself and live your life....if shes meant to come back she will and be attracted to your confidence. She would need to work on her anger too.

You cant be the only one trying.

[kybe333]

Originally Posted by Mused

Sorry if I missed it but have you worked on the issues that caused the breakup? Would you react differently if put in the same situation?

Yes I have, I believe our recent contact was meant to show her that I have changed quite a bit, as I really only contacted her on a whim and we only talked for less than a month. I'm not sure if she bought it or she's in deep denial. I knew she had a boyfriend at the time and wanted her to just be friends with me, as talking to her is like therapy for me. When she broke off contact I basically just laid it on the line and told her how i feel, and I won't be contacting her again unless she does first. So unless she decides to give me a second chance I don't plan on seeing her for the rest of my life lol. I have started to live my own life though.

[Akira]

Hi Kybe
Mostly the work to bring TF's together happens when they are apart. Don't get me wrong you still work on things when you are together, but a purging of the soul and an awakening of the soul happens before you can be together. If this does not come to pass in this life It will come to pass at some point because the point of the two individuals is to heal within. This in turn assists to heal the collective consciousness.

So with regard to your situation from what you have written I would say that healing within needs to occur on both your parts. Although this is tough, it really is worth it because it can and often will bring love back into alignment with each individual.

Hope this helps a little ...

[kybe333]

Mostly the work to bring TF's together happens when they are apart. Don't get
So with regard to your situation from what you have written I would say that healing within needs to occur on both your parts. Although this is tough, it really is worth it because it can and often will bring love back into alignment with each individual.

You're right about this one, I thought I was fully healed but I realize that it is just constantly eating away at me and won't let me be. It comes and it goes. It is a lot more manageable then it has been though. Anything else to help besides time? It's weird, I can literally notice myself changing and the only out-of-the ordinary thing that I've done is meditate. Not sure what is going on behind the scenes (growing into my soul maybe? lol)

[Akira]

Originally Posted by kybe333

Anything else to help besides time? It's weird, I can literally notice myself changing and the only out-of-the ordinary thing that I've done is meditate. Not sure what is going on behind the scenes (growing into my soul maybe? lol)

The time one is good because you can work faster apart in some ways. I know this sounds crazy and time is a weird one because it's concept is a human one (there is no time). According to divinity there are fixed points where we agree to meet and each time the soul measures whether we are ready of not. We can only fully reconcile once the work has been more or less done. As the TF energy that you have to hold is a tough one. Meditation is a good because it helps to steady energy.

When the work is done the feeling will funnel through the both of you and you will both be unable to walk away (only your souls truly know when this will be). The soul will now recognize that the connection point has come and the work has been done. There are different TF components, because the work that is done will = the quality of the connection at each point of re-connection.

*there's the other side of the coin too if you did the work together there's a chance you won't be able to stay together especially if you have dark shadow sides that need to be healed before you can be together.

I know it's tough, but it's truly worth it

[kybe333]

If you have any experience, how cold do girls become if you break their heart? Because she's been ice cold it seems like forever...

[Akira]

Originally Posted by kybe333

If you have any experience, how cold do girls become if you break their heart? Because she's been ice cold it seems like forever...

Think that my other half thought that I was ice cold too, to be honest with you Kybe... It's the way it goes sometimes we have to make peace with ourselves to love someone else. So I was making peace with myself and he was thinking that I was a lost cause to him

[kybe333]

Originally Posted by Akira

Think that my other half thought that I was ice cold too, to be honest with you Kybe... It's the way it goes sometimes we have to make peace with ourselves to love someone else. So I was making peace with myself and he was thinking that I was a lost cause to him

That sounds exactly like something she would say. To be honest I'm not really sure how girls operate, they're a bit of a mystery to me. At least she probably gave me 'trying' points for not giving up on us after like 3 years and standing by while she dated again. I'm starting to feel a lot better about being whole again by myself though, this post helped a lot. I feel like the healing for this thing comes in waves.

[Akira]

Originally Posted by kybe333

I'm starting to feel a lot better about being whole again by myself though, this post helped a lot. I feel like the healing for this thing comes in waves.

I am so glad that you are feeling better... that's fantastic.. And yep, I can't deny us gals are tough work. Lots love