How many of you have felt this way?

[Sugar-n-Spice]

Originally Posted by kapamati1

Hi Sugar n Spice :)

The last five years have been a rollercoaster. As someone who loves balance this girl is ready to get off the ride. My situation has a lot of weird particulars that I can't go into here. I'm at the point that I have to realize this is totally about growth. It's made me realize that and so much more. I'm grateful for that. But, there are still moments where I wish none of it would have ever happened. I didn't even know such a connection existed until all this happened and I went searching for answers. And now I guess it's really not a connection if this person does not feel anything. I mean..I don't really know that 100% for sure. But, I have to go by what has and hasn't happened. I know that part of me feels ruined. Why would the Universe make me feel this for no reason except to feel pain and rejection in the end? It's like the ultimate pain. I can deal with it not being mutual. I just want to know WHY he initiated this moment that turned my world upside down and I'm not even allowed to know why. It's like a cruel joke. I'm ready to move on. No doubt about that. Unless he were to call me tomorrow this horse is tired of being beaten and wants to be buried. I'm done. I'm just grateful that like some others who have had this sort of thing happen to them that nothing intimate every happened between me and this person. I'm not sure what type of mindset that would have left me in. I know what I experienced was real. But, it doesn't mean it was for them. So.......... Dwelling on it would indeed be mental illness after all this time. I won't allow myself to continue this craziness. Because that is exactly what it is. I've already cried a river knowing that recently was the last time I will ever see him again. Before this "thing" happened...I had known of him for over 16 years. I didn't meet him in person until 12 years ago. So, it's not just this connection I must leave behind. It's a whole chapter of my life really. I'm not sure which I'm grieving more. But, the grieving has to be done. I keep telling myself that it's not like someone died. The sadness is deep. And it feels like part of me is dying. And so it ends. I'm not sure if I'll be back on here after this. I love this forum and enjoy reading many things on other threads and topics. But, it's just to painful to think I can keep coming here and really get over this. And make no mistake...I will get over it.

Thanks for your comment and for taking time to read what I've written.

Hello again Kapamati :),

I'm still posting in the right place then Like you I like to be in balance and I am sensitive to when I am thrown off, especially since the kundalini awakening experience. I am also not an avid new ager I usually tend to have experiences and then I search for answers. I never even heard of a twin flame when I met my other sc and actually, now that you elaborated a bit more, your experience put me in mind of what I experienced with him. At first and for many years I did not know what to classify him as, I just knew that our connection was extremely powerful and unlike anything I ever experienced in my entire life and I loved him across many relationship classifications, and indeed loved him like no other. He felt the same way about me and presented the twin flame scenario to me, upon our reunion we had people confirm that we are twin flames and this is when I started to feel more comfortable to classify him as this. I have since come to realise that he is my karmic twin. I was not quick to label him like this but upon meeting a much greater and intense connection I know that he cannot be a true twin flame.

I did not talk much about the ugly side of our breakup here and the terrible things because relationships have this dynamic and I know there are two sides to every story, but one thing which made me decide I would never be with him again ,despite the guidance I thought I was receiving at the time (which I may have been misinterpreting now seeing the similarities with this sc and the symbols which were used), is how much he reveled in my torment and the psychological and spiritual anguish he caused me and when he apologised he told me he feels guilty yet he warned me that he has a dark side. These things really hurt and I was really torn apart but I have to tell you it warms my heart a trillion times more at how the forces of the universe came together to heal me so quickly and the masters and gentle souls which came forth to help me and comfort me and provide me with guidance <3 I will never forget this. I will never forget this. And EVERYTHING I went through with my karmic twin I am grateful for because it has taught me a great deal of patience and so many more things now in the presence of this greater love. So these soul connections really serve purpose on our path of enlightenment, to propel us, shape us, and mold us toward our cause and unity. It seems like crazy logic as we are going through it and sometimes as a sadistic test of wills but believe me these powers that can hurt pale in comparison to the powers that can heal, and what you have learned will assist you with the greater connections vibrating on higher intensities of love <3

[Sugar-n-Spice]

Originally Posted by kapamati1

And make no mistake...I will get over it.

I have no doubt. If you were around when I came to this forum I was a mess, I have never felt so torn apart in my entire life I felt like my soul was scored out from within me and my heart was completely torn apart. There was even a time when people to me seemed like shadows passing by. I thought it would take me forever to get through it and some days I thought I would never pull through but I kept pushing. If the universe worked to heal me in the way it did I have no doubt that it will do the same for you or anyone else. you will pull through. I believe in you.

[Theophila]

Originally Posted by kapamati1

I have a question for those of you that have had some sort of (so called tf or sc) bizarre connection. It doesn't matter whether you're together or not. It doesn't matter if it's all seemed one sided. Doesn't matter. I just want to know this. If any of you have had that crazy electrical or heat thing happen to your body because of another person along with MANY other bizarre things and then that person basically lets you know they felt absolutely nothing. Has that happened to any of you? Do you feel like you've lost your mind? I mean for real. How can this just happen to one person and the other not feel it? What causes this to happen to someone? Especially when you didn't go looking for it or initiate it or anything.

Also, how many of you wish this experience had never happen to you period? I go back and forth. Some days I'm so grateful. Other days I feel like I'm down right crazy. I'm a logical person for the most part. WHO in their right mind would make this stuff up?? I'm so tired of not understanding. I'm so tired of feeling the way I do about this.

It almost seems like sometimes that not only do they feel nothing but, they find you "amusing" which is a nice way of putting it and love to be cruel because they can and want to watch you hurt. I don't know what to think any more. I wish nothing but the best for them. I don't want to intrude in their life nor have I ever or even tried. All I've really ever wanted was answers. I feel like they think it's some sort of sick game sometimes to stroke their ego or something.

Is there anyone out there that feels like this? I'm determined to move on. I can't believe I've wasted this much time and felt so deeply for someone who could purposely be so cruel. It has held me back from making major life changing decisions. I'm not blaming them for my lack of action in my own life. I just know had this never happened to me things may have been very different for me right now. For the better.

I'm just looking for answers. Any of you feel the same or had a similar type of tf/sc experience? Oh and how many of you have grown to almost loath that term or label.

The way he came into my life ...and out....
I would have preferred it not to happen.
I know this is going to sound very negative but it's true.
I'm a all or nothing kinda person. And for years...YEARS before he showed up I was yearning deeply for it. I knew what I wanted , I knew he was out there.
To have it all dangled in my face just to watch life give someone else what I hurt for was cruel.
Saddest of all is I've broken away almost completely and have tried from the highest to lowest of my being to shake him off and move on.

And yet I still have moments where I can feel his energy intensely as if he is standing right next to me even if he is physically thousands of miles away.
This is what hurts the most and why it's one of the most difficult situations to be in emotionally...
I guess that is why they say " be careful what you wish for"
I wanted the ultimate connection/bond I could have with a man...
Little did I know it would be this way