Is this man my twin flame?

[Effie]

I’d never heard of the term twin flame before; it’s only in trying to figure out what happened to me recently that I discovered it.

I’d like to help to decipher whether this guy I met could be my twin flame.

Some background on me: I’ve been married for six years. My husband and I have recently drifted apart to become more like friends. We’ve been in an open relationship for the last few years.

I went to Europe for 1.5 weeks of seasonal work last month and met a guy who I instantly had a connection with. We had the same sense of humor, and it felt like I’d known him forever.

The first night we went out with a group of other people. He had been sleeping with one of the girls but told her he couldn’t go home with her. He told me he needed to keep hanging out with me. We spent the whole night talking and ended up cuddling on the couch until we fell asleep.

We had to work the next day but couldn’t wait to hang out again, we wanted to be in physical contact all of the time and kept realizing how much we had in common. He referenced an obscure TV show that not everyone knows about, which is my all-time favorite show.

By day four, we’d told each other we loved each other and kept talking about this crazy connection we had. We talked about wanting to start a farm together, half-joking half-serious. He said he’d never had a connection like this with someone.

The next day we both got sick, so spent a little less time together and more time asleep.

At the end of the week, we had a bit of an argument. His friends and the girl he’d been sleeping with were starting to ask why he was spending so much time with me. They couldn’t understand since he’d only known me for a week. He took it a bit to heart and said things like I’ve come in like a hurricane to ruin his life and then will leave. He lives in the UK, and I live in New Zealand.

I ended up storming out. I guess I was tired and sick. We had a text conversation where I said I never wanted to see him again (urgh crazy overreaction) he begged me not to do this and that he thought I was amazing. He’d never had a connection like this etc. I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the evening.

He texted me to say he hoped I was ok. In the morning, I told him I was feeling better. He texted me back but was cold all day. I was due to leave the next day. We kept it friendly, but at this point, I was so tired of our intense week I wanted to leave. I guess I felt like it would be easier to cut him out.

Over the next few days, we texted a lot, wishing we didn’t live so far apart and couldn’t wait to see each other again stuff. Then I didn’t hear from a week. It felt so long since we’d been texting so consistently. I felt terrible that he’d gone completely dark for a whole week, but I resisted texted him because I figured if he still wanted to keep in touch, he would.

After a week, he texted me like nothing had happened, just telling me something funny that had happened. The next day I think he texted me while drunk saying he missed me so much. We chatted all the next day like normal, talking about our farm when I made a joke about it, he said he was serious.
We spoke briefly on the phone, had a lot of laughs, and it felt like it was back to normal.

The next day he said he missed me and had been telling his friend about our fantastic connection. It was his birthday the next day, so I texted him to say happy birthday but he never replied. Then a week went by and I thought I'd never hear from him again because he used to message me every day.

Then after over a week he messaged as if nothing had happened. We reminisced about the week we had, how quickly we fell in love etc He said he felt sad when watching out favourite TV show. He was supposed to be coming to NZ in June but can't now because of the Coronavirus. We chatted as usual for the next few days but now he's disappeared again.

It's been over a week since I heard from him. Every day that goes by, I get the feeling that I’ll never hear from him again. When I think about our connection, I find it so hard to believe that it wasn’t real.

But why would he suddenly disappear?

Since meeting him, I’ve been told multiple times that I looked younger, and I feel like I’ve kind of been awakened and noticing all these different things about myself. It’s so hard to explain all this in writing!

Do you think he could have been my twin flame, or am I completely delusional? If he was, why does he keep disappearing?

Doesn't sound like any variants of the twin flame thing I've read here. More likely a brief, passionate encounter; romance. One or both of you leapt before you looked so it burned out quickly, him reaching back for his normality (from what you've said); you unable to cope with the intensity. What's left sounds as if it's hanging on through sentiment. You can never know if you love someone on the basis of a few days. It takes time for the excitement of new romance to die down enough to reveal normal selves to each other.
Love at first sight is possible but it wouldn't have progressed as you describe unless it's a rare strange thing! By the sound of it.

Honestly, do you think it had anywhere to go? I mean, being really honest?

I've had some experience of flash-in-the-pan holiday romances (when younger!) and the sweet sorrow of parting has to be put aside before it becomes an obsession or you waste time chasing the end of rainbows. Things will simmer down in the end.

Good luck.

[TheProfaneAngel]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Doesn't sound like any variants of the twin flame thing I've read here. More likely a brief, passionate encounter; romance. One or both of you leapt before you looked so it burned out quickly, him reaching back for his normality (from what you've said); you unable to cope with the intensity. What's left sounds as if it's hanging on through sentiment. You can never know if you love someone on the basis of a few days. It takes time for the excitement of new romance to die down enough to reveal normal selves to each other.
Love at first sight is possible but it wouldn't have progressed as you describe unless it's a rare strange thing! By the sound of it.

Honestly, do you think it had anywhere to go? I mean, being really honest?

I've had some experience of flash-in-the-pan holiday romances (when younger!) and the sweet sorrow of parting has to be put aside before it becomes an obsession or you waste time chasing the end of rainbows. Things will simmer down in the end.

Good luck.

Totally agree. Sounds like an intense affair to me, OP.

[SaturninePluto]

Effie why are you concerned whether us posters here think this individual is your TF or not?

What's important is for you to determine whether or not you want to pursue this relationship, whether it be a friendship or a romance.

It is also important to consider whether it is worth pursuing further. What kind of romantic relationship are you going to have when the man takes a week or two here and there before he gets back to you?

Relationships that are worth pursuing involve quite a level of communication.

He is not showing this willingness to communicate.

How much time are you going to invest in someone who may or may not respond or make you wait weeks for a response?


But in all honesty nobody here can tell you if this is worth pursuing or not. You make your own decisions. And certainly no one here can say for certain whether he is or is not your TF.

Whatever the case I wish you happiness and to be well, and safe.

[FairyCrystal]

Doesn't sound like it. TF don't treat each other this way. Like Lorelyen said, an intense thing that is over now. He's ghosting you, giving you enough tidbits to keep you hanging on and waiting and pining. But he's not investing.
And saying ugly stuff like you ruined his life? I doubt this would be something a TF says. The connection is too high for that, on Soul level, and I don't get that vibe anywhere out of your story.
Sure you had a deep click & chemistry, that can happen. Does not mean it's a TF.
I'd be careful you don't keep waiting for a man who's not interested. Enjoy having had a fling, but don't let it ruin your life.