Hello there Tedmil.
I don't know what your mistake was, but if it was coming onto her physically after a few dates (or maybe even just one?), you may have totally turned her off.
It's hard to relax and get to know someone when you feel they can't own their game and are looking for someone, anyone to shag. It puts a huge, overwhelming, god-awful stifling amount of pressure on a woman. The constant, oppressive pushing, forcing, pleading, and b. s. 'ing in order to get sex from a woman..attempts at coercion even, at times...it's tiresome and frankly obnoxious at a certain point. Do you really want to get to know me, or are you more interested in shagging? If a man only wants sex, IMO he should be honest and transparent about where he is at, and just pay for it.
Let me be clear. If a woman has sex with you right away or early on, it is meaningless to her. Meaningless. And thus it is pointless really, unless you are purely interested in using her to get off. You're not turning her on and she doesn't know you or love you. There are two kinds of women who have sex with men after a handful of dates, maybe a few weeks or a few months, or sooner even.
1. Women who are needy and desperate...and who are willing to prostitute themselves to please the man. This does NOT mean they love you, but in their very unfortunate desperation, it's rather that they are hoping that the immense act of giving over the entire being for your sexual use and penetration will, as a show of over-the-top submission and vulnerability, magically cause you to love them and commit to them. This is the **** that society has fed to all of us...you exist to please men so do what they ask and maybe they will give you a few crumbs from the table.
2. Women who are bent and predatory...after following what society has said (above), the trauma of being used repeatedly whilst trying to please men sexually then bends and twists some women...and their numbers are growing hugely...they are no longer rare...in fact, bent, predatory women are now relatively common. How to recognise them?
These women will be more man than you are with regard to easy sex and promiscuity, and they will push their sex aggressively onto men because men are weak and generally take the bait unthinkingly. Even though it is poison. Again this does NOT mean they love you...and often these women are unable to love anyone. What they require is to know that you are under THEIR control, and that they can manipulate you at will...after all, as long as you pant after their sex, it is they who have hand, is it not? Women don't need sex and ESPECIALLY not with someone they don't love deeply.
These days, if someone doesn't want to be relentlessly pressured for sex, or to be used for sex, or to have to put out after a handful of dates (being touched by a hand that doesn't authentically love us feels like rape BTW for many women) -- some women no doubt do what this women did...she tries to say it's all her problem, that she's got trust issues etc. Frankly, you should run not walk away from any woman who is willing to freely sleep with you (and whomever else, believe me) because she's either very needy or else because she's bent. You should be appreciative of any woman who says, "I want to get to know you and love you...and I want you to do the same...so that if we have sex, we'll already know what we are to one another. Sex will actually mean something. And we'll both know neither of us has base or wrong motivations for sex. That we're together because we want to be."
Casual penetration without authentic love is a huge betrayal for a normal, well-adjusted woman. Sexual intimacy is just not a place a normal, well-adjusted women goes without already feeling and desiring a mutual authentic love. Not something one-sided, where either person is doing all the rowing of the boat.
Yes, this means many a man will have to stretch hugely in the emotional and spiritual sense, instead of just showing up and expecting the woman (whoever is at hand) to bootlick his ego and give him sex
, using her for pleasure whilst he remains relatively detached. Like sucking on mum's boobs but with less engagement. Many of these women too need to find some self-love, grow a spine, and cut off the hangers-on (wean them from the teat). Additionally, both men and women need to be on the lookout for predators, as they are often hard cases, often narcissistic, and often will not be swayed by any concern for the humanity of others.
If this woman's trust (or any woman's) is important, you need to make it very clear that you're not a predator and you are not just trying to use her or get into her pants. If you're not a predator, you need to man up and own your game whilst getting to know a woman and possibly coming to love her as a person. Your sexual urges are not her problem, nor any woman's, just because you take her out or you've been on a half dozen dates or whatever.
Do you love her authentically and do you actively want and seek her highest good? Totally apart from what she does or does not do for you? Are you willing to commit to her in some meaningful way (i.e., involves your heart and your lifestyle, not just exclusive shagging rights)?
If 6 or 12 or however many dates is not enough to sort all this, I'd agree!!!
So...how is it the woman is supposed to partake in a symbolic rape (penetration by a hand that cannot yet possibly know her well or love her authentically), simply because as a man you prefer a woman's hand stroking you off or a warm orifice in which to ejaculate? Do you see how selfish it is for men to ask this of women, and do you understand how much of a violation it is? No wonder so many women cannot trust men...now they just need to stop putting themselves in positions where this betrayal can and definitely will happen. Meaning, women have to basically utterly and wholly reject what society tells them is 'the way' (e.g., 1) you exist to please men, so 2) screw men to please them and somehow ??? 3) this will lead to love and will bring you happiness).
We're in a transition phase as a society where mainstream norms are degraded and useless in providing anyone with any meaningful guidance. If you want a truly loving relationship, these "trust issues" that loads of women have (whether they tell you this or not) cannot be avoided -- because they are at the core of everything that needs addressed.
If her trust (or any woman's) is important, then you need to swear off mainstream norms and get to know and love women as people slowly, over time. If you find as a man that you are not interested in getting to know any woman and loving them just as they are unless they are screwing you (or might do so), then you've got a lot of work to do on yourself before you can ever love someone authentically. Likewise, if you can only feel warmly toward women of a certain age or type, then you've got a lot of work to do ...as we will all get old one day and for some, things may change a bit. How will you maintain love for a woman in any relationship when it is purely based in your penis? I call this the Trump Conundrum...and it's something MANY men need to deal with.
You also need to avoid lying about either feeling or wanting authentic love in partnership just for sex...that's another huge betrayal of trust. We are simply not meant to shag everyone that, as a man, takes your fancy. We're meant to share our whole selves in sexual intimacy, our entire beings, in authentic love with one another.
I hope I've given you some stuff to chew on...because bro code is total garbage, as is about 99% of the stuff out there in mainstream society. If you are already totally down and totally on board with everything I've mentioned, then spread the word...coz you know what we're all up against. It's time to break the sister code too...men of honour need to know what's real and what's really going on with women too. So we can all begin to talk about how messed up it all is...that's honest, and that's where we start.
Peace & blessings
7L
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