Runners

Originally Posted by DulcePoetica

As to what I'd call it... How about "research and development"? I think that has a less judgmental ring to it. From now on I shall say he is on an R&D mission, results pending. :)

Sounds good to me. I'd stick with R&D because to say research and development every time ya wanna use it would just be a mouthful every time.

Originally Posted by LadyImpreza1111

But when you sense how someone feels about you...........that just makes it harder if not impossible.

This to me, is the hardest part. If only I didn't know what he truly felt in his heart, right? It seems so terribly cruel and unfair that I am the one who knows that his actions and choices in life are in direct conflict with his heart and soul's desire. That's empathy for you.

But the truth is, he made not know what I know. It's possible and even likely that he lives from within a framework of logic and reason. His choices are all thoroughly thought out, and his life is actually pretty spectacular. This approach has served him well, and as long as his motivation comes from his mind, he will continue to be pleased and satisfied with the results of his choices.

He is not unhappy. He may not be fulfilled in the sense of deep desires in his heart and soul, but he is not checking with his heart and soul before making decisions, so he doesn't know the difference. So he can feel drawn to me, captivated by me, connected to me, in love with me and all that goes with it and still genuinely and honestly not want to actually be with me as a couple because it is not in line with his value system. He WANTS the life he has. That's why I say he is not running.

So I need to respect his life philosophy as I would anyone's. It is not how I would do it, but he has made an active decision to live this way. I need to always remember:

Same soul? maybe.
Different minds, definitely.

Well this perspective also makes sense to me. My TF is very heady, intellectual type. I tease him, Id hate to play poker with you. He's almost too level headed. He is definitely spiritual via meditation, but definitely goes with reason over the heart. He didn't want to be swept away the way I did. I still can see the term runner. Not as a bad thing, but as in moving away from the connection for WHATEVER reason. Yes, we each have free will and being a runner does not make someone "bad". But if they did acknowledge the intense feelings and suddenly pull away, running isn't the worst term to describe it. Could be a pusher as in pushing away.

But the truth is, he made not know what I know. It's possible and even likely that he lives from within a framework of logic and reason. His choices are all thoroughly thought out, and his life is actually pretty spectacular. This approach has served him well, and as long as his motivation comes from his mind, he will continue to be pleased and satisfied with the results of his choices.

He is not unhappy. He may not be fulfilled in the sense of deep desires in his heart and soul, but he is not checking with his heart and soul before making decisions, so he doesn't know the difference. So he can feel drawn to me, captivated by me, connected to me, in love with me and all that goes with it and still genuinely and honestly not want to actually be with me as a couple because it is not in line with his value system. He WANTS the life he has. That's why I say he is not running.

So I need to respect his life philosophy as I would anyone's. It is not how I would do it, but he has made an active decision to live this way. I need to always remember:

Same soul? maybe.
Different minds, definitely.[/quote]

Originally Posted by twinwonder7

http://www.collapsingduality.com/TwinFlameGuidance.html

Wow! Amazing article on runners from a male perspective. It's well written and definitely resonates with me.

Thank you for sharing the link to this article, twinwonder7. I think a lot of people feeling lost in such connections could find some worthwhile thoughts in it. It is informative, reader-accessible and compassion-centered with pure/sincere motivations and without throwing ego around.

It does a particularly good job, I feel, at offering some valuable insight into the possible psychology behind the general reactions of those involved, particularly the “runners,” while also helping to bridge the gap between the spiritual and physical/earthly spheres of these connections.

Thanks.

I've been giving some thought to the other perspective. That the stayers are just in love with people they can't have and are creating a whole scenario of the other being a "runenr". The thing is I decided to do research because of how different and intense of a connection this whole thing is. I looked into what on earth this could be even before he ran. I had these intense Am I crazy feelings even when we were still "on". To me all of these stories have such the same pattern. And even when it was on he said he felt it was "dangerous" and he wondered if we were insane. I mean we had only 5 minutes of contact (no touch) and it led to so much intensity so fast. It is kind of freaky. Anyway, I understand his POV much better now. this board is like years of therapy :)