Sometimes I feel I am a fool

not caring as much but that is just the meds numbing me somewhat though the thoughts of her still persist

been on the anti d, a month now

would love to deal with this all naturally, but don't have the luxury, given I have nearly lost my job

the irony is, if I ever go back to ceroc, and she sees me seemingly a little less touched and fussed( never know how I will react until I see her but normally, magnetism, love and intense fear, for feeling so exposed and at times a complete fool, and somewhat feeble, not strong enough) is the order of the day, I bet she will then assume, oh he does not care or something

how ironic

cared so much and felt so deeply it has turned my life upside down, and no matter what i did, it was never enough for her, and yes of course, logic will not give you answers in these situations because it is all about soul vs mind and pain carried etc

but feel like a fool

god do I

she is the only woman, in my life I have asked out 3 times, and could not help myself, because of the pull and love felt,

I won't ever ask her out again, if I ever do see her again

this time, that is in her hands, and not mine

not playing performing seal any longer

Yes like a fool during most time nowadays as said before frequently...logic and practicality go out for a toss !

Originally Posted by Falling Star

I sometimes think that acceptance and surrendering to higher forces is the only way to find peace through all this. Accepting that *what will be will be* and all comes within divine timing. It is most certainly an experience between our souls.........all leading to higher-self understanding.
We do feel foolish at times because we are humans. lol

Yeah...I've been brought to a point where I have to admit that there is NOTHING I can do at this point, at least nothing that would hurry along the process of us actually getting together. (There are things I could do, certainly - but they would not only result in him deciding that I'm best avoided at all costs, but possibly in a stalking order and/or me losing my job [he's a client]).

The only thing I can do is work on me, and for me right now that means stop trying to be someone that will be impressive to him - I just need to work on figuring what beyond him makes me happy and go for that, learning as much as I can about myself during the process, and trying to relate to both myself and the world in a better way.

The problem I keep running up against is that, as I want to be with him more than I want anything else I've wanted, it's hard to get up the desire to bring anything else into my life. It hardly seems worth the effort.

And, as I've had only about 3 minutes of contact with him (real-life contact, that is, as opposed to spiritual contact) in the last four months, and am now faced with a situation where it may be that long again before I see him, I've definitely had my moments of doubt, of thinking that I'm investing all this time and energy (willingly or not) on someone that will ultimately just shrug me off. But what else am I supposed to do? It's not like getting over a relationship where you're together for real in the physical and you know the person has feelings for you AS EVIDENCED by the fact you're in an actual relationship, and then they break it off.

THAT I know how to do, even when (as happened to me many years ago), the person breaking it off was a soul connection (just not on the level of this current one). It was a horrific experience, and I didn't deal with it well, or in a healthy way, really thought it was going to break me for awhile, but I did get over it because I knew that it was over and I had no choice but to move on. It took me as long to get over it as the entire relationship lasted, but I did do it.

But this...I have no idea where I would even start getting over this, because what it IS, or ISN'T, isn't even defined yet. And that both makes me feel extremely foolish at times, and makes me realize that until it has been defined, trying to walk away from it is as futile as trying to force it to move along at a quicker pace.

My idiocy is one of my defining characteristics.

Chartreuse - so much of what you say matches - nowadays i really feel like a fool - but I have to go on with it as not much is in my control - synchronicities abound - n I continue to be amazed !

Originally Posted by WhiteHorse55

Chartreuse - so much of what you say matches - nowadays i really feel like a fool - but I have to go on with it as not much is in my control - synchronicities abound - n I continue to be amazed !

Do you mind if I ask...do you feel happy, truly happy, EVER? As much as I've come to accept that there's nothing I wisely do at this point, accepting that hasn't helped the sadness. I can think of maybe one moment where I felt really, blissfully, happy over the last four months.

And when I realize that, I start to panic, because I can't stand the idea that I'll feel like this forever. I know I won't...there will be a resolution, and if it's not the one I want then I will set about the work of getting over this, but right now it feels like forever. And what makes it worse is that every single time the phone rings at work, I have this tiny little stab of disappointment that it's not him. And that's WITH him just having told me last week on the phone that it would be three or four months before he was ready to come in again. (Oooh...best of all...I panicked when the phone call was winding up, unable to process that we hadn't talked in months, all I had done was think about him, and he hadn't even asked me how I'd been doing, not that I gave him a chance...anyway, I ended up being all dismissive and rushed at the end...great way to start another 4 months of separation.). I'm terrified that as the time grows closer, the little toothpick stab of disappointment is going to feel like a dagger every time it's not him on the phone.

Anyway, getting off track here, but I am wondering if you, or anyone, manages to feel, well, I guess like your old happy self? If so, how? I was so happy when I had the vision of him, and then we met in real life, and every encounter got better and better and more encouraging and then everything just stopped and there's just this endless expanse of sadness and being unable to move on and unable to be happy where I am...all of the things I've tried, energy work, dancing, meditation, affirmations, at best only have a temporary effect and still never get me to feeling like I'm at a level of emotional health that will let me enjoy my life for now.

Chartreuse - I will have to say that the old happy self is something of a past now - but yes there is a lot of learning happening

All I say is that I ahve learned to treasure what I have and move on - moving on is easier said than done

The stab is there - and yes there is nothing but to be patient - sometimes there are points when separation feels like reality and the meet-up doesnt really seem to be anywhere in the near future- you really cant help but carry on to the best of your ability

For the tenth time today, these are my words and feeling to a T! Of course we feel like we are being a fool, because if it wasn't what we thought it was it would be crazy. The thing is, our gut is never wrong. I had a moment where he even caused me to doubt and I was shaken until it clicked that just because he cannot fully see it and/or is suppressing it does not make it not so. His words often weren't matching his actions. He tried to say he was less into it and there, but then actions spoke differently. Now that we are in same town, he cut the communication. And this board is helping me be ok with it. Understanding its all part of one large journey. It will be as it should (doesn't make going through it easy though) more like makes it oK.

Originally Posted by faith&love

Have you ever felt that?

I know most times I am sure of his being my TF but sometimes hard facts pushes me and I feel I am acting like a bloody fool over a guy...

Why does we have to meet our TF. We both felt like we are tied somewhere together and I don't feel so free at all.

I can't left him nor ignore him and he also feels the same but he is not making me his too. He is just standing over there when its so obvious we are made for each other...

He just lacks courage... thats all.

The emotions are too deep that I am powerless..

[zipzip]

you need to "let go/let God" deal with it. Try and let it go....I know how hard it is, but each day gets a smidgeon easier.....

do something fun, call a friend, read a book (not a spiritual book) absorb yourself in a movie (not a love story) or go for a walk. Try and get your focus off your heart.

and yes, I feel like a fool a good part of my day. Especially since I started to get interested in spirituality....go figure

I do feel for you.....

zipzip

[athribiristan]

A wise man admits that he is a fool while a fool believes himself to be wise.