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  #21  
Old 04-01-2018, 07:24 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is online now
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I am just subscribing to this thread and reading it out of interest.

It has been quite a while since I last felt Shakti. It's as though my body and psyche has somehow totally desensitised itself to Her whole influence, but the lingering (numerous) nervous complaints from Her blasting Her way through blocked nadis and psychic knots hasn't left me and shies me off from going through it all again, without proper purification (as stated).

From the content of the opening post, it sounds for all the world like a throat chakra opening, and Shivatar's newfound ability to openly and honestly express himself can have something to do with it.

For now, my Shakti lives in Manipura Chakra, causing heartburn, IBS, gall-bladder attacks and an over-inflated sense of self-importance with regard to absolutely nothing (after Her visiting the Crown Chakra briefly). I've tried to establish Her in my heart, but I am emotionally numb...things that used to arouse delight and love in me just create a sense of cynical nostalgia now.

This baby has fallen down so many times...countless, until I realise there is an intermediary stage called 'crawling' before it can get up and walk.
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  #22  
Old 04-01-2018, 07:56 AM
shivatar shivatar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
I am just subscribing to this thread and reading it out of interest.

It has been quite a while since I last felt Shakti. It's as though my body and psyche has somehow totally desensitised itself to Her whole influence, but the lingering (numerous) nervous complaints from Her blasting Her way through blocked nadis and psychic knots hasn't left me and shies me off from going through it all again, without proper purification (as stated).

From the content of the opening post, it sounds for all the world like a throat chakra opening, and Shivatar's newfound ability to openly and honestly express himself can have something to do with it.

For now, my Shakti lives in Manipura Chakra, causing heartburn, IBS, gall-bladder attacks and an over-inflated sense of self-importance with regard to absolutely nothing (after Her visiting the Crown Chakra briefly). I've tried to establish Her in my heart, but I am emotionally numb...things that used to arouse delight and love in me just create a sense of cynical nostalgia now.

This baby has fallen down so many times...countless, until I realise there is an intermediary stage called 'crawling' before it can get up and walk.

Pain is an old friend of mine. yours too right? What made you decide to turn your back on your greatest ally? lol nvm, it was the pain obviously! lol thats how it goes doesnt it. pain brings the good stuff, pain takes it away, the pain of not having it brings it back. pain pain pain. life is pain buddha said.

I have been having problems with my throat chakra for 9 months or so now. I got a new job in management 9 months ago and I have been struggling to improve my throat chakra almost daily ever since. I'm finally beginning to see the results ^_^ well, they have been coming steady almost since the beginning. its much easier now though and less of an effort.

I feel you on the emotional numbness. I can feel that my body is numbed from years of pain, however I can feel that I am at least willing and open these days. I can feel almost every emotion because I am so open to it, however it feels like it is coming through a deep fog and haze. I think that is a sign that my body needs more purification and practice before the emotions become overwhelming. and overwhelming is what I want tbh, I've had enough of the numbness.
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  #23  
Old 04-01-2018, 07:56 AM
shivatar shivatar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
I am just subscribing to this thread and reading it out of interest.

It has been quite a while since I last felt Shakti. It's as though my body and psyche has somehow totally desensitised itself to Her whole influence, but the lingering (numerous) nervous complaints from Her blasting Her way through blocked nadis and psychic knots hasn't left me and shies me off from going through it all again, without proper purification (as stated).

From the content of the opening post, it sounds for all the world like a throat chakra opening, and Shivatar's newfound ability to openly and honestly express himself can have something to do with it.

For now, my Shakti lives in Manipura Chakra, causing heartburn, IBS, gall-bladder attacks and an over-inflated sense of self-importance with regard to absolutely nothing (after Her visiting the Crown Chakra briefly). I've tried to establish Her in my heart, but I am emotionally numb...things that used to arouse delight and love in me just create a sense of cynical nostalgia now.

This baby has fallen down so many times...countless, until I realise there is an intermediary stage called 'crawling' before it can get up and walk.

Pain is an old friend of mine. yours too right? What made you decide to turn your back on your greatest ally? lol nvm, it was the pain obviously! lol thats how it goes doesnt it. pain brings the good stuff, pain takes it away, the pain of not having it brings it back. pain pain pain. life is pain buddha said.

I have been having problems with my throat chakra for 9 months or so now. I got a new job in management 9 months ago and I have been struggling to improve my throat chakra almost daily ever since. I'm finally beginning to see the results ^_^ well, they have been coming steady almost since the beginning. its much easier now though and less of an effort.

I feel you on the emotional numbness. I can feel that my body is numbed from years of pain, however I can feel that I am at least willing and open these days. I can feel almost every emotion because I am so open to it, however it feels like it is coming through a deep fog and haze. I think that is a sign that my body needs more purification and practice before the emotions become overwhelming. and overwhelming is what I want tbh, I've had enough of the numbness.
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  #24  
Old 04-01-2018, 08:19 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shivatar
Pain is an old friend of mine. yours too right? What made you decide to turn your back on your greatest ally? lol nvm, it was the pain obviously! lol thats how it goes doesnt it. pain brings the good stuff, pain takes it away, the pain of not having it brings it back. pain pain pain. life is pain buddha said.

I have been having problems with my throat chakra for 9 months or so now. I got a new job in management 9 months ago and I have been struggling to improve my throat chakra almost daily ever since. I'm finally beginning to see the results ^_^ well, they have been coming steady almost since the beginning. its much easier now though and less of an effort.

I feel you on the emotional numbness. I can feel that my body is numbed from years of pain, however I can feel that I am at least willing and open these days. I can feel almost every emotion because I am so open to it, however it feels like it is coming through a deep fog and haze. I think that is a sign that my body needs more purification and practice before the emotions become overwhelming. and overwhelming is what I want tbh, I've had enough of the numbness.
Yep, pain and to a much lesser extent, there's some resistance and residual fear left over from past conditioning I need to work through.

Just the other night, I found myself in the middle of a lucid dreaming state in which I experienced a god almighty 'night terror' and subsequent panic attack. During normal waking consciousness, I have developed strategies for intervening and circumventing anxiety attacks before they even get a chance to take hold, so knowing this, my mind decided to pull one on me while I was fast asleep because my subconscious had no such strategy for overcoming one in this state.

I immediately became awake and yet, I was not. I could see every aspect of the room in which I was sleeping through closed eyes and then began the 'freefall into oblivion' as my astral body was forcibly separated from my physical one...I don't know how people who astral travel do it, honestly! To me, that is a 'no go zone' and yet, there I was hovering a few feet above my sleeping body with "NO!...DO NOT WANT!" I could have used it for a self-empowerment tool, but I wanted to 'control the experience' and not have it control me, like an unwilling puppet, tethered to earth by a silver cord that all matter of entities could sever with the right psychic equipment. I returned to my body quick smart and it took every effort in hell to physically wake up, get up and go wash my face.

It's been like this with Shakti also. If She is just going to cause me more misery before the bliss, I don't want the bliss anymore, because one leads to the other and the dog chases it's tail round and round before finally disappearing up its own anus.

I thought I finally got over the fear of death...consciously I have, but subconsciously, I have not and this is the area I need to focus on.
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  #25  
Old 04-01-2018, 01:10 PM
Badcopyinc Badcopyinc is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shivatar
it feels like it begins behind my neck and also like it is coming out of my ears and the crown of my head, then it kind of wafts down my arms unto my hands (which are usually touching in the typical prayer pose (in a half lotus leg posture). It then comes a little bit into my legs but doesn't seem to touch my back very much or my core/chest. Mostly in my head and arms.

feels cool and like goosebumps kind of. Like a tingling electrical feeling.

I often feel it when I am listening to empowering music and trying to do some centering practices. eyes closed, concentrating on my energy field, my body sensations, and the music (all equally). Sometimes I think things like "where is my power at" or "show me where my inner power is". then I get the feeling. I got it just now typing that. It almost feels like my body is trying to wave something at me, like "hey, I'm here! in this feeling!"

it's like that feeling when you flirt with a cute guy or girl minus the anxiety. kind of exciting. very stimulating for the attention, but also (just a theory) very attractive and causes attachment. which might be why it always fades so quickly.

I want to think it's some kind of chi or prana energy since it mostly comes out when I am centering (barely comes at all in meditation, maybe I'm meditating wrong?). I'm worried it might just be an emotion. and if it is an emotion, what kind of emotion is that and why can't I identify it?

it's not bliss or euphoria but there is a feeling of peace and clarity. also a strong feeling of searching, grasping, which makes the peace and clarity very weakened but still present. I still feel a little bit of tension and anxiety when I get the feeling.




Also I feel like this feeling is weak. Like it is a shadow of the thing I want to and should be feeling. I feel like I'm turning the key in a car and the engine just rolls over rather than starts up. I want my energy to immediately flare up when I ask it to, not give me these flickers and a taste for more.

maybe the sensation of my energy mis-firing is a signal that there are blocks and kinks in my energy field? things that will only come out with work, effort, time, etc, things that won't simply come out because I'm forcing it?

I wonder if maybe this feeling is weak because I have just started my meditation practice. Maybe it's a skill that will get stronger with time (my connection with my energy field). Maybe I am just being egotistical, trying to feel my power and control it rather than just be with it and enjoy it. I'm on the fence about if it's a good thing to practice or not.

100%...

same thing during music. mine comes a lot when I'm around soul group. soul mates and when someone starts talking about something that was part of past life or just something that is part of my path now. sometimes its indicator to what im supposed to notice or start doing. kinda of like spidey sense. It's startling when its my whole body from feet to crown up my spine.

I kinda just gave up figuring out where it comes from or why.
one thing i know for sure its not weak, not bad. nothing but goodness....

I close my eyes if i can and feel it each time. kind of like ears ringing.
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  #26  
Old 05-01-2018, 06:10 PM
jonesboy jonesboy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shivatar
it feels like it begins behind my neck and also like it is coming out of my ears and the crown of my head, then it kind of wafts down my arms unto my hands (which are usually touching in the typical prayer pose (in a half lotus leg posture). It then comes a little bit into my legs but doesn't seem to touch my back very much or my core/chest. Mostly in my head and arms.

feels cool and like goosebumps kind of. Like a tingling electrical feeling.

I often feel it when I am listening to empowering music and trying to do some centering practices. eyes closed, concentrating on my energy field, my body sensations, and the music (all equally). Sometimes I think things like "where is my power at" or "show me where my inner power is". then I get the feeling. I got it just now typing that. It almost feels like my body is trying to wave something at me, like "hey, I'm here! in this feeling!"

it's like that feeling when you flirt with a cute guy or girl minus the anxiety. kind of exciting. very stimulating for the attention, but also (just a theory) very attractive and causes attachment. which might be why it always fades so quickly.

I want to think it's some kind of chi or prana energy since it mostly comes out when I am centering (barely comes at all in meditation, maybe I'm meditating wrong?). I'm worried it might just be an emotion. and if it is an emotion, what kind of emotion is that and why can't I identify it?

it's not bliss or euphoria but there is a feeling of peace and clarity. also a strong feeling of searching, grasping, which makes the peace and clarity very weakened but still present. I still feel a little bit of tension and anxiety when I get the feeling.




Also I feel like this feeling is weak. Like it is a shadow of the thing I want to and should be feeling. I feel like I'm turning the key in a car and the engine just rolls over rather than starts up. I want my energy to immediately flare up when I ask it to, not give me these flickers and a taste for more.

maybe the sensation of my energy mis-firing is a signal that there are blocks and kinks in my energy field? things that will only come out with work, effort, time, etc, things that won't simply come out because I'm forcing it?

I wonder if maybe this feeling is weak because I have just started my meditation practice. Maybe it's a skill that will get stronger with time (my connection with my energy field). Maybe I am just being egotistical, trying to feel my power and control it rather than just be with it and enjoy it. I'm on the fence about if it's a good thing to practice or not.

Very cool stuff shivatar!

Running is giving you some good advise.

You are beginning to feel energy. When it is like you describe control/ego is not the way. It is best to just be and you will notice it growing and growing. As long as you don't attach to the feeling or want more. Then you will notice it start to go away.

To help you if I may suggest.

Before your meditation practice try this energy practice. You do this it for 5 minutes before your meditation practice. As soon as you are done then gently move to your meditation practice. As you progress you can move that time up to 10 - 15 minutes before your meditation practice. Take it slow.

Primordial - Foundation Energy Practice - Internal Fire


Please let me know how it goes.
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  #27  
Old 05-01-2018, 07:16 PM
blossomingtree blossomingtree is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shivatar
you ask a lot of questions ya know.

things are impermanent. doesnt mean that makes them less powerful, magical, mystical, godly, epic, etc.

the mind has a way of adapting to things, so any one concept or thing can seem to lack in power over time. but that is just a trick of our perception. a penalty we pay for living the awesome existence that is being human being.

if we could get away from our human faculties we would see just how powerful the transient is. how powerful everything is. even a steamy pile of poop has God in it. hahahahahahahaha.



You said "ultimate" - hence my commentary. For interim ups and downs, there is always fun and games and lotsa energy.

Be well, friend shivatar.
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  #28  
Old 05-01-2018, 07:38 PM
shivatar shivatar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesboy
Very cool stuff shivatar!

Running is giving you some good advise.

You are beginning to feel energy. When it is like you describe control/ego is not the way. It is best to just be and you will notice it growing and growing. As long as you don't attach to the feeling or want more. Then you will notice it start to go away.

To help you if I may suggest.

Before your meditation practice try this energy practice. You do this it for 5 minutes before your meditation practice. As soon as you are done then gently move to your meditation practice. As you progress you can move that time up to 10 - 15 minutes before your meditation practice. Take it slow.

Primordial - Foundation Energy Practice - Internal Fire


Please let me know how it goes.

Oh wow. this practice is good stuff.

after a few minutes I can feel my eyes begin to unconsciously roll up and I begin to enter a trance without even trying.

there is a much bigger feeling of energy too. I can only imagine how much stronger this feeling will get after a few weeks/months of practice.
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  #29  
Old 06-01-2018, 03:54 PM
jonesboy jonesboy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shivatar
Oh wow. this practice is good stuff.

after a few minutes I can feel my eyes begin to unconsciously roll up and I begin to enter a trance without even trying.

there is a much bigger feeling of energy too. I can only imagine how much stronger this feeling will get after a few weeks/months of practice.

Very glad you like it. :)

You are going to experience a lot of new things.

Please reach out if you hit a rough spot.
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