Please help, I am hated by someone I love

[Tiss]

Love and light for you all. Thanks for your comments which I receive as a true gift.

To add some information,

You don't say a lot about why you had to break off communication in reaction to "behaviours" you didn't like. Without asking what they were they must have seemed pretty bad to force you to block him if you had a good relationship going. You then go on to accuse him of ingratitude and judged him harshly.

Right after the trip I noticed that he allowed some Twitter friends, and in particular a woman, publicly speak him with vulgar language and he accepted that and even had fun. I got jealous, but mostly annoyed. So when I blocked him on WA, I made it impulsively, and with no explanation. His immediate reaction, as if we were at war, was to block me on every social network, it was just one year ago. Now he brags on that.

He was back in his city. He got ill, probably due to psychosomatic consequences of our fought. He always reacts with health problems. Right after I blocked him, I regretted so much about my behavior and tried to talk and apologize but he never gave me any opportunity. Then I wrote that email including big criticism to him and to that "vulgar" woman.

At that time, all his hopes to come to my city and work with me had shattered. Prior to that, he was very dissatisfied with his job situation and he had to go on with that job after the opportunity to come with me closed, but to tell you the truth I could perfectly opened it up again after a sincere talk.

I apologized a number of times with no response. For me, he turned to be on one side a nightmare but on the other an epiphany. My twin flame had passed to the other side years ago and he was the only man after that who touched my heart. After meeting him I opened to love and life again. So many years with my twin flame which whom I had a very harmonic relationship, made me lose my training to deal with other men mainly problematic ones.

Due to work reasons, last September I had to exchange with him a couple of emails and again, I requested him to try talk and restart the personal communication. He said "I'll call you tomorrow" but he never called.

Then, I requested him to close the issue on a civilized manner... and nothing.

I made him many presents, and I helped him buy a computer in installments with my credit card. He went on paying me but at any moment, I let him know that by buying the computer I tried to help a friend but not an enemy, so I put him in front of the decision of paying me the balance or otherwise I would give him such balance to cut off everything. He decided not to pay.

As life is very mysterious, time went by and last December, I became friends with that woman that I judged as "vulgar". I understood that she is a great person. He knew about our friendship, as he stalks my Twitter activity and he got crazy. He began to subtly attack me.

He finally blocked that woman. We met in person last May and our bond got stronger. She let me know that in her opinion (she is psychologist) he is mentally disturbed.

To make a long story short... every time he sees that I strengthen bonds with her or with people from his city, he subtly threatens me with statements of hate and very painful insults, all without posting my name.

I thank him for bringing me back to life and for sparking a big hope to love a man again. I truly cannot hate him at all.

Love
Tiss

Right. Thank you for clarifying the situation a little. He begins to sound a fairly superficial person who may (just may on the most tenuous evidence) have seen you as a soft touch, particularly as there was nothing physically intimate. But he admittedly has a nasty streak in being a mick-taker (mocking) once he realised he wasn't going to get his way.

As for your friend being a psychologist one wonders at her own behaviour that gave rise to you blocking the guy. Was she playing mind games with him? (Like was he aware she was part-acting as a professional without his awareness? Was she aware of you in the background and doing things that she should have known would evoke jealousy? Was she flirting?

I admit having no regard for psychologists. They're a waste of space (in my view). Why? Becuase they can't get to the individual's raw data - they have to rely on anecdote (what the "patient" can articulate about what they think their experiences are about). Secondly they have to rely on social norms which are statistical compilations tied to a culture. What's "normal" in one culture may be aberrant in another. They can only compare how they intepret what a patient is telling them against the statistic. It's a good line of business however. As society falls apart there's terrific scope for inventing new disorders and syndromes.

Point is, how many people are normal? You'll find plenty of deviants here. Take any belief set - twin flames for instance. Are its adherents normal? I'd say not. If we asked 1000 people in my or my parents' home town I doubt one in a thousand would even know what the term meant. In the US it may be higher no doubt but would it be "the norm"? Is obsessiveness right-minded? (Could be. A lot of people obsess over a lot of things.)

So I tend to be cautious about declaring what's "mentally unbalanced" and not. At root, if allowed to flourish, every individual is different. There is no norm. And one has to be careful with the conclusions of psychologists. The man you speak of just seems plain frivolous, superficial and opportunistic, not worth your effort. His health concerns might be allied to this.

So these are just my views and I so hope you're able to cast him from your firmament very soon. His unwanted attention will tail off in time when he gets bored with himself I bet.

Love and light to you.

[Tiss]

Thanks Lorelyen,

I take your comments above, which seem to me very enlightening. I mean, those relating to this case and also the most general ones.

Hopefully I will be able to remove him from my life and to stop this nightmare. All of you have been of big help. Do you think that I could do anything else, such as praying or whatever, to help him heal (of course without contacting him).

As a general comment, I come here not very often but I am pretty sure that Spiritual Forums is the place in the world where I find more wisdom and empathy at all. I feel at home here.

Love to you all,
Tiss

[Tobi]

Originally Posted by Tiss

I need help to understand. I had a loving relationship with a young man, more like a friendship or a mentorship. I opened up many spaces of experience for him... including traveling overseas (his first time, as he never had gone out the city where he was born and grew up), I advised him concerning many life issues and also labor ones. He has crazy to come to my city and work with me. I was happy and I gave him some hope. He became very stuck on me. I fell in love with him and he was a great companion, for many months, although nothing physical happened.

At a certain moment, and after the trip overseas, I decided not to go ahead with the plan to "bring" him to my city because I noticed some behaviors that I disliked ... I had doubts... I badly cut off the relation via WhatsApp with no explanation and blocked him, to not to suffer. It was a big mistake. He then blocked any kind of communication.

I immediately regretted and tried to talk with him, but he didn't want to. I wrote a very tough letter stating my discomfort and judging him very hard. I called him ungrateful...I badly handled the situation. He began to deeply hate me and moreover, when i began to relate with people of his knowledge.

He became my declared enemy. I knew at that time for common friends that he was mentally sick/ unbalanced... He is used to feel deep resentment, and hates almost everything in life... I was an exception at the very beginning... Now he is showing his dark side... a very cruel side...

We cut just one year ago. Since March/ April he started threatening me via Twitter (without giving my name) with big lies. I didn't attempt to contact him anymore but I watch what he posts form time to time.

Yesterday he posted: "Feels great when you block from all social networks an evil and despicable being. It happened just 1 year ago {birthday cake}".

Maybe I made many communication mistakes... I know that I behaved as a teenager...but I don't hate anyone... and less him... I still feel good things about him...

In practice I did a lot for him, spiritually and materially... the fact is that never could I speak with him, he doesn't want to and his hate does not decrease at all...seems that it increases with time.

I am not used to hate or receive hate from anyone, and it is sad to being explicitly hated by someone whom you love... I pray a lot for him to stop hating me...

I need some help, as this fact is embittering my life....I don't know how to cope with this...

Blessings
Tiss

You said what you felt Tiss. Own it and don't be afraid of it. Then you did what your gut feelings said -not your intellect. You blocked him. That may be because your gut feelings saw you needed to block him?

Soon, you saw he has a harsh/cruel side. Now that is something he is experiencing, not a judgement on him but it sounds mighty disharmonious to what you really feel about life and your own self?

I have been hated too. I have been despised, and was told that I was despised by someone I trusted and loved once. Of course I have forgiven! I have moved through it and on from it -and other hurts -some of them very serious.

It is said that "those who cannot make enemies cannot make true friends either" ! (well, that's what my Mama used to say God bless her Soul.) My Mama is a very wise and good Soul.

Never mind that he is retaliating with "hatred". Try not to get tangled up in those emotions if you can.

So I can't advise you what to do about this young man, but perhaps it might be healthier for you to let the ways part....and let him go his own way? You could even write a kind and loving "letter of closure" to him.....but if you do, let it be closure and send prayers and blessings for him, then leave him alone completely.
And if you do that -at the time of writing, simplify your mind and exclude all of the arguments you feel, only go with what the Heart and Soul is saying. Look on him as if you were his Mother, not his Lover. And wish him well from the bottom of your Heart.

Of course he may misinterpret, or not understand, or throw out more vitriol. That is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to place yourself firmly in your True Self and operate from there.

Bless you and kind thoughts.

[Tiss]

Dear Tobi

Thanks for showing up. All these comments are making me rethink the issue, so I can protect me from bad energy. I pray for him to not to hate me anymore. He never accepted any talk with me and any time I wrote was to worsen things. Indeed a pray a lot, he is a lonely soul and I tried to show him how does it feel to be loved, but he was not ready to receive it, in my terms. A pity. In many ways he does not want to let me go from his life. Perhaps because he never could get form others what I offered him. I tend to think me, not as the affected party or a victim... we mutually hurt... and I think that sincerely he feels hurt by me. That is terrible because it was not my intention at all. That's the reason why I pray a lot for all that bad energy can dissipate. A very sad and ironic situation that brought me to life again and made me learn a lot.

Tiss