Spiritual Forums

Home


Donate!


Articles


CHAT!


Shop


 
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.

We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.

Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 25-09-2011, 05:18 PM
Fire7
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mattie
It is when we become satisfied w/ our self that we attract others. Delve deeply into your own energies, accepting you as you are. LOVE your self.

At 28 youíve got plenty of time to find a partner. Give your self plenty of time once you meet Mr. Right. Many a person has thought they have found Mr. or Ms. Right, rushed into things, & found it wasnít a good fit.

Your push to partner also might be an impetus to connect w/ your HS.
Higher Self- http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...418#post254418

There are countless things that you can do to grow up & get in the real world. Toss out comparing your self to others. Not productive at all. In one of your other posts you mentioned meeting the former gay guy on a college campus. Are you in college? What youíre describing about your educational level makes me question this. If you didnít graduate high school, get your GED.

What is it about you that makes you think people would run from you?

Toss out that there are people starving, etc. that you donít deserve compassion. Who you SHOULD be thinking about is your self. We can seldom be of much use to anyone else until we take care of (resolve) our own personal issues.

Stop looking for love elsewhere. First establish it in being OK w/ your self. Not who you want to be, but who you are right now. Then take solid steps to deal w/ whatever you need to. It isnít lust at all that is driving you. It is the normal desire to have someone who accepts & loves you. Stop beating your self up about what you've screwed up. Many have been been rebuilt their lives. Refocus on what needs to be done to move your self forward. It is useful to examine what brought you to where you are, but remaining in this old energy, continually reviewing the list, using it to flog your self is keeping you from moving forward. OK, so you've made some decisions that weren't productive in hindsight. This is LEARNING. What would be problematic is if you hadn't had these realizations.

LOL. I just got to the part where youíre tired of people telling you to "love yourself first.", but Iím not going to edit this out of my reply. There are many things that youíve said that indicate you donít have the foundation of self acceptance. This includes being completely OK about your being gay despite the views of others around you. Do you completely accept your self???

Loving self isnít meant to be a substitute for loving a partner. Real, long-time love is very different than the delightful heady rush of being in ☆❉♡LOVE♡❉☆ that is there w/ a new relationship. Being really needy is offputting to the type of people that you likely want to attract.

Why have you never learned to drive? This may indicate a very co-dependent relationship w/ your mother. If she discouraged you from driving maybe she wants you to stay a child (dependent) forever. Instead of spending thousands on psychics, spend what would likely be a modest amount of cash on driving lessons & get your driverís license. Being mobile is very empowering.

Some of the $$$ spent on psychics may be useful to spend on a gay-friendly therapist who can help you take control of your life, move into adulthood & move past the negative chatter around you about gays. You are now an age where an appropriate partner will be a full grown adult. Become one. You CAN.


Thank you Mattie. You always have some very insightful words. I will take these things into account. To answer your question, I didn't graduate from HS but I took a short (take-home) course that allowed me to get a HS certificate (and even walk in a graduation), but I never did get my GED, even though I tried at it a few times, but fell off the wagon. I plan on going back in January (2012) to get it, and I'm determined to complete it this time, once and for all. I took some college classes but I had to drop them as they were overwhelming. I did go back and complete one of the prep classes. I failed the other (pre-algebra) but hopefully I will save up enough $ by then to take that one again also. It's a long and complicated story, but I blew my financial aid. So I'm now seriously contemplating joining the Nay Reserves (first finishing the prep classes and GED at the same time, then taking the ASVAB once my scores come back). I'm actually pretty set on it. I'm just hoping things will turn out the way I am planning them.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 25-09-2011, 07:05 PM
Lostgirl
Posts: n/a
 
My mum always used to tell me that the right person always comes along when you least expect them to. For me this was true in the sense i split up with my ex of 3 years on the Sunday and had no way intended to meet anyone for a very long time. I didnt want anything and i certainly wasnt looking for anything. I stopped looking. The next day i started my new job and met my now fiance!

My advice to you would to just stop looking for Mr. Right. Go out with you mates with the intention of just having a good time - not meeting someone.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 25-09-2011, 09:11 PM
mattie
Posts: n/a
 
Definite Change In Tone Of Comments

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire7
... I didn't graduate from HS but I took a short (take-home) course that allowed me to get a HS certificate (and even walk in a graduation), but I never did get my GED, ... I plan on going back in January (2012) to get it, and I'm determined to complete it this time, once and for all. ... So I'm now seriously contemplating joining the Nay Reserves (first finishing the prep classes and GED at the same time, then taking the ASVAB once my scores come back). I'm actually pretty set on it. I'm just hoping things will turn out the way I am planning them.

The difference in your comments in this reply from others you've made previously is marked. You’ll find out that once you stop buying into others’ energy about what you can’t do that you will be able to progress steadily & very satisfactorily, finding out that you are unlimited w/ what you CAN do. You can begin studying right now in the areas you know you that need attention even if the class doesn’t start until January. Some various information is below. Some adults are starting out being completely illiterate which obviously isn’t your case as you’re able to post this & actually write well. Appreciate that you’re FAR ahead of them. Do whatever you have to do to get educated including spending time at the library.

Your idea about joining the Navy Reserves is very good. This is goal oriented thinking. Now DADT is officially history. Virtually all towns have military recruitment offices. If not, I bet they have a 1-800 #. You might want to consult w/ them about their requirements to see if your current HS certificate is adequate. They might have some recommended adult education classes if a GED is needed. Have you ever thought about getting in the military full time? If you get in the reserves can you upgrade to full time military? They may be tossing out more inducements than you might imagine. If you haven’t investigated what full time military service would involve & what benefits one gets, find out. Even if this isn’t the option you want, finding out can arm you w/ information that can be useful to know so you can have options. A complete change in environment might be very beneficial for you.

Continue w/ this new mindset. Begin to immediately work towards your goals. Don’t let any hiccups in your plan throw you. Shift from hoping you do it to beginning to DOING it. One deliberate step at a time. You can do this & soooooo much more.

‘There are a variety of ways for GED candidates to begin preparing for the GED tests. Taking a GED practice test is the best way, but there are others, too. Candidates are encouraged to contact adult education resource centers in their area. Adult education resource centers can refer candidates to preparation classes, adult education programs, or community college programs. To locate adult education centers, candidates can go to America's Literacy Directory online or the National Institute for Literacy.’
http://www.gedprepinfo.com/ged-prepare-for.htm

http://literacydirectory.org/

There seem to be allot of free resources online to prepare for the GED.
http://www.google.com/search?client=...UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 26-09-2011, 03:50 AM
jorddy jorddy is offline
Guide
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 583
  jorddy's Avatar
Hey Fire,

Since I was very young I felt what love was as well. Since I knew anything, I knew what love was - I used to write poems about the different aspects of love and show them to my mother, she was always mesmerized by how I knew so much because she couldn't understand where I got my knowledge from.

For a very long time I also struggled with finding love, I wanted to feel this feeling that I knew was there. Since I thought like this, I put many girls on a plaque, looking at all their features as godly. - Let me tell you, none of these girls ever ended out going out with me.. or looking at me the same way i looked at them..

After many years of depression due to my deep search, I started wondering what love really is.. This feeling is not due to the persons physical attributes, its not due to their personality - Whenever I looked at a girl for these things, I never felt love.. I felt longing. This means that the love I deeply wanted, I characterized to be a certain way.. What makes this characterization right? I thought, in fact, its not because if it was then I would feel love.

After a while of pondering over what love is and how one really receives it, I came up with a conclusion that got me out of my deeply dug hole and it opened my eyes to a whole new aspect of life in general.

When you are looking at others to give you love, this means you do not have love for yourself. Your looking for someone to fill this emptiness, while really, you have the tools already to fill it because you've felt it before.

This led me to the question, what is love?
Love is a very sophisticated energy with ranging frequencies that connects everything in this world.. The key thing to realize is that its an energy, not an emotion..

Where is love found, how can i find it?
Everywhere! - There are two different aspects to look at this world through. Your mind and your consciousness. Your mind calculates every action taken in every obstacle given in order to result in the feeling of joy. - Whats joy? Happiness. - That being said, your mind works on the axis of past and future. - So this also means, when you are looking through your mind, your looking through your own truth, not reality. - When you are only aware of your consciousness, you live only within the present. You see the world as it is, not as you wish it to be because you don't wish, instead, you live! In your consciousness you are connected to the world directly - how so? Through love!

So Jorddy.. What are you getting at!? :P
Your searching for something that is flowing around you as your reading this. Love is something universal, it connects all to all. Instead of dying to the need for love, be aware of your consciousness and live in love!

Stop looking for the key to the door because its already on your chain!

Perspective changes all, uplift yourself, live in love, know its all around you, know you share it with everyone already and grow independent in your mind instead of dependent on others :)

Much love, Anymore question I'm here - This topic means a lot because I've been in the same spot.

Remember, its all around you at every moment, all you need to do is live within it instead of dwell without sensing it.

- Jorddy


Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire7

In any case, I'm tired of the loneliness. And I know that people say "love yourself first." I have heard that time and time again. But who's to say that I don't already love myself and just want to share it? Still, whether I have self love/esteem or not, loving me is not the same as loving another person who's eyes, hair, skin, bone structure, body, and personality literally make my heartrate eccelerate, cause waves and shivers of electricity to flow throughout my body, and cause me to become lightheaded at the meer sight of him. It is not the same! And self love cannot substitute for it.

All I have to say is I don't know what to do! It's just so frustrating!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 26-09-2011, 08:02 AM
NightSpirit NightSpirit is offline
Master
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ozland
Posts: 7,287
  NightSpirit's Avatar
Quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire7
Yea, I have been told to "grow up!" many times, but it always comes off to me as an insult. Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way, but I don't see anything empowering in that statement. But thanks for the advice.


You tell me then Fire...what would help you to be empowered? I've been reading your many threads and they all contain defeatism. What will it take to give you the impetus you need to stop seeing life through negative glasses? Yes, it sounds harsh, but if everyone were to keep wrapping you in cotton-wool you will never grow past dependancy into a beautiful and empowered woman.

Im sorry you don't like what i'm saying. You can simply ignore me then and keep asking the same questions over and over without ever finding solutions to tossing aside your crutches.

Sometimes we just need to hear these things, as harsh as they sound.

Good luck





__________________
My poetry site...
http://poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index....z9ZNQcsNw.3103
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 26-09-2011, 11:03 AM
Natalia
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire7
As with most of my threads, I don't expect too much from it other than a venting outlet, so excuse me if this contains information you have heard before.

I want to get off my chest this intense longing that I have to be in love. I don't know why it plagues me to such a degree but it has been with me from as early on as I can remember (as a child). I remember the first crush I had on a boy at my school (actually, John Ritter was the first crush I ever had on a male, in general). It was so intense that I couldn't take it anymore, so I told my cousin who was the same age as myself (around 5). I basically came out as gay, to my cousin, before I even knew what it was. How I wish things were simple now as they were back then. I could have never anticipated the many stages of identity confusion and self developement that would come years down the road.

But one thing that has never wavered is my undying thirst for a male companion. Ironically, I have never had a boyfriend...or a girlfriend. I've never been in a relationship.

I have been so sheltered that I'm behind 99% of my peers in many things. I'm 29y/o and have never been behind the wheel of a vehicle. Needless to say, I don't have a license. I can't tell you where my south is from my north, or the east is from the west (literally). I'm really just now learning my times tables on my own. Many of the fundamentals I don't know, so I lack a lot of common sense. I know how to appear normal and carry on a coversation with the best of them, but it is mainly the behavior I have picked up from others. I think that if people really knew who I was, they might run from me... then I would really be alone. This is just the interaction I have with the general population, so I know that I am not ready for a relationship.

This is not to place blame on anyone or get sympathy, because there are millions of people who are 100 times worse off than me. Some people are shaking in the freezing cold right now because they don't have a house or a bed to sleep in. Someone is dying of starvation right now. Someone is suffering in prison...or on death row. Someone is tormented with regrets of the past. This is all the more reason I think I'm selfish for considering the loneliness I am experiencing as a tragedy. I should not be thinking of myself, but others, is what I often hear. Well this is easier said than done, because I can't help the way I feel about love.

I actually became addicted to psychics for this very reason. It was about 3 years ago when I started experimenting with psychic readings. I wanted to know the true thoughts and feelings of someone I was infatuated with at the time. It then turned into a constant pattern. I felt that it was a breath of fresh air that there was now hope for me, because I could finally know if I was going to find that "one." That one eventually turned into a hundred or so, as I became infatuated with guy after guy. And I was always told that he was "coming" in a certain month, at a certain place, or in a certain form, and it was always someone or something different. He never came. It has been promised to me time and time again that I would experience a romantic relationship. Well, what happens when I fall in love with 50 out of 100 guys?, every other guy I see? It got to the point where I would only talk to certain guys in order to get their birth dates to give to the next psychic so that he or she could tell me if he was the one. I was so tempted to do it again today, but I caught myself in time.

Now, I'm sitting here thinking about the thousands of dollars of debt I've gotten myself into over the years, all over romantic infatuation and a preoccupation with "hope." I've talked to hundreds of psychics hundreds of times, and I'm no further along than I was 3 years ago...still going around in the same circles. So I'm left to either continue the cycle or get to the root of the issue. Why am I so hungry for a relationship but still haven't gotten one? If I really wanted to be in love wouldn't I already have been by now?

Is it simply "lust" that is driving me?

In any case, I'm tired of the loneliness. And I know that people say "love yourself first." I have heard that time and time again. But who's to say that I don't already love myself and just want to share it? Still, whether I have self love/esteem or not, loving me is not the same as loving another person who's eyes, hair, skin, bone structure, body, and personality literally make my heartrate eccelerate, cause waves and shivers of electricity to flow throughout my body, and cause me to become lightheaded at the meer sight of him. It is not the same! And self love cannot substitute for it.

All I have to say is I don't know what to do! It's just so frustrating!
Well this is the first time i have come across your name let alone any posts from you so i can only give a word out from this post.

I took notice of where you state you have sheltered yourself. Yes i said sheltered YOURSELF. If you have been sheltered by parents and or peers then possibly you heard 'better to be safe than sorry' way too many times. When it's better to experience, learn and grow. This helps with many areas including self-esteem.
The idea of a true loving relationship is certainly sweet and you may appear addicted to that idea but its safer to love at a distance and in day dreams so one does not get hurt.

Reach in and open up. Explore your thoughts and ideas and certainly speak with a professional in counseling to help you if you need to.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 26-09-2011, 12:17 PM
Emmalevine Emmalevine is offline
Deactivated Account
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 6,028
  Emmalevine's Avatar
Not so much love addiction with me...but I certainly understand that massive and all consuming desire for connection.

Not sure what your childhood was like, but for me the need stemmed from a difficult and lonely upbringing. I craved the connection I did not experience from my family.

Like some people have already said, my turning point came when I stopped searching outside for something that already exists with me. I know realise that I can live alone yet feel connected to and supported by the universe. I was single for well over 5 years despite being physcially disabled and caring for a learning disabled child. I got myself some counselling to deal with my issues, met some friends (I had none for a long time) and started a degree course via distance learning. I started to feel satisfied with myself. I began to open up spiritually and trust in my connection to the universe. I no longer craved a partner. I still felt lonely and to be honest still do at times, so I have a way to go, but the all emcompassing need had eased. Also, I have now just started a new relationship with someone. I knew I was in the right place to share my love because it will ADD TO my life, not be all my life is worth.

The more desperation you give out, the more you are giving out messages of lack to the universe. In reality, you have all the love you need. You just don't realise it. The universe looks at your behaviour and sees someone who is determined to reject love. Real emotionally healthy and loving relationships are formed from people who love and accept themselves and wish to share this, not from people can simply cannot live alone. Love is love, and doesn't equate with need. That is different. Loving someone means not needing them, it's being able to share your life with them but willing to let them go when the time is right because you know you do not depend on them.

A question: would you find a guy attractive who was utterly desperate for a girl to the point of feeling like you do? Desperation generally pushes people away. This may also explain your lack. Healthy people are attracted to those who are healthy and settled within themselves.

I would recommend counselling as it sounds like some deep lying issue are involved. I know it's all very well to hear people say 'grow up' but it's not as simple as that. Negative messages are often deeply ingrained and stem from a lot of emotion, and emotions aren;t logical. We can know there are people in far worse situations yet not be able to pull ourselves out of our thinking without help and support.

Take care.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 26-09-2011, 03:36 PM
Distortedsoundz
Posts: n/a
 
I do not want to come off as a jerk, so don't take it as such...but I am pretty sure a lot of people would have a hard time being with someone that has driven themselves into debt in a quest for love, jumping from one love excursion to the next..And probably dumping themselves on each new potential love. Unhealthy obsession. Very unhealthy.

Yes, there is a lot of this love yourself blah blah talk. I think that is unrealistic. I feel that it is only human to feel that something is missing and to have a longing for something more, or better. We can never fully accept or love ourselves 100 percent and I think that is ok.

But honestly, you probably need to pipe down a bit and learn how to experience love amd joy elsewhere as well. You are losing sight of other important things that life has to offer. Relax! If all or most of your focus is on finding love, you are ruining yourself for someone that you might meet!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire7
As with most of my threads, I don't expect too much from it other than a venting outlet, so excuse me if this contains information you have heard before.

I want to get off my chest this intense longing that I have to be in love. I don't know why it plagues me to such a degree but it has been with me from as early on as I can remember (as a child). I remember the first crush I had on a boy at my school (actually, John Ritter was the first crush I ever had on a male, in general). It was so intense that I couldn't take it anymore, so I told my cousin who was the same age as myself (around 5). I basically came out as gay, to my cousin, before I even knew what it was. How I wish things were simple now as they were back then. I could have never anticipated the many stages of identity confusion and self developement that would come years down the road.

But one thing that has never wavered is my undying thirst for a male companion. Ironically, I have never had a boyfriend...or a girlfriend. I've never been in a relationship.

I have been so sheltered that I'm behind 99% of my peers in many things. I'm 29y/o and have never been behind the wheel of a vehicle. Needless to say, I don't have a license. I can't tell you where my south is from my north, or the east is from the west (literally). I'm really just now learning my times tables on my own. Many of the fundamentals I don't know, so I lack a lot of common sense. I know how to appear normal and carry on a coversation with the best of them, but it is mainly the behavior I have picked up from others. I think that if people really knew who I was, they might run from me... then I would really be alone. This is just the interaction I have with the general population, so I know that I am not ready for a relationship.

This is not to place blame on anyone or get sympathy, because there are millions of people who are 100 times worse off than me. Some people are shaking in the freezing cold right now because they don't have a house or a bed to sleep in. Someone is dying of starvation right now. Someone is suffering in prison...or on death row. Someone is tormented with regrets of the past. This is all the more reason I think I'm selfish for considering the loneliness I am experiencing as a tragedy. I should not be thinking of myself, but others, is what I often hear. Well this is easier said than done, because I can't help the way I feel about love.

I actually became addicted to psychics for this very reason. It was about 3 years ago when I started experimenting with psychic readings. I wanted to know the true thoughts and feelings of someone I was infatuated with at the time. It then turned into a constant pattern. I felt that it was a breath of fresh air that there was now hope for me, because I could finally know if I was going to find that "one." That one eventually turned into a hundred or so, as I became infatuated with guy after guy. And I was always told that he was "coming" in a certain month, at a certain place, or in a certain form, and it was always someone or something different. He never came. It has been promised to me time and time again that I would experience a romantic relationship. Well, what happens when I fall in love with 50 out of 100 guys?, every other guy I see? It got to the point where I would only talk to certain guys in order to get their birth dates to give to the next psychic so that he or she could tell me if he was the one. I was so tempted to do it again today, but I caught myself in time.

Now, I'm sitting here thinking about the thousands of dollars of debt I've gotten myself into over the years, all over romantic infatuation and a preoccupation with "hope." I've talked to hundreds of psychics hundreds of times, and I'm no further along than I was 3 years ago...still going around in the same circles. So I'm left to either continue the cycle or get to the root of the issue. Why am I so hungry for a relationship but still haven't gotten one? If I really wanted to be in love wouldn't I already have been by now?

Is it simply "lust" that is driving me?

In any case, I'm tired of the loneliness. And I know that people say "love yourself first." I have heard that time and time again. But who's to say that I don't already love myself and just want to share it? Still, whether I have self love/esteem or not, loving me is not the same as loving another person who's eyes, hair, skin, bone structure, body, and personality literally make my heartrate eccelerate, cause waves and shivers of electricity to flow throughout my body, and cause me to become lightheaded at the meer sight of him. It is not the same! And self love cannot substitute for it.

All I have to say is I don't know what to do! It's just so frustrating!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:42 PM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums