Not Feeling Alive Inside

well from everything I have ever read, its perfectly normal for you to feel this way, after all you have dedicated your entire life to being a carer and now thats over its no wonder at all that you feel useless.

clearly you have a caring personality and without having anyone to care for, you feel your own life is pretty useless. Some would say your free of thst now so you should get 'on' with your own life. pretty easy to say when you havent had one so far and have no idea how to go about it. not so easy to do in reality.

if your life has been based in caring you would probably be better off getting on with what you know how to do best and get to caring for someone else. It may be this is what you need to do if your entire life has been based on that so far; its really up to you; do you want to? ask the hard question.

if so, well frankly there are tons of caring jobs you could get so no loss of choice; lets face it caring for those less fortunate or elderly is not a sought after position, so if thats what does it for you, then get right back into it! without a second thought. you may be the kind of caring soul who needs to nurture; if so you MUST do so. its a personal thing.

I dont think you should waste any time on wondering about yourself as a good person as clearly you are, and even if your grieving you have been so used to doing stuff that sitting around moping about (wether getting healed or reiki or whatever) is probably not going to do much.

I have no idea why you think you should be so very grateful for being alive and healthy if you have dedicated yourself to a carer all these years - clearly you are used to putting others before yourself so such thoughts would be alien and hard for you no matter how natural they are to other people. perfectly understandable that you dont care a jot for THAT.

I would strongly suggest doing what you know how to do best. it will help you heal, feel good and be what your used to doing. Theres no point doing yoga or meditating if you feel like ****. More point is feeling useful and happy.

I think you have been conditioned to feeling happy in serving others so I strongly suggest you approach aged care homes or disability services that are going to welcome you with nothing less than open arms and get back into it!

while doing so however remind yourself that you are now in fact a free agent and get online and find a boyfriend! sign up for those dating sites and get out there! you can do both things you know. you can care for others to give you a sense of purpose AND find a great life for yourself personally; its all open now! get into your hobbies, arts, interests and all kinds of things you liked before your parents got sick; read, learn and enjoy your newfound freetime while still helping others.

you have absolutely nothing to worry about. such a caring soul as you can do it all if you so choose!

Originally Posted by Pernix

I know that feeling .. I spent 8 years in the United States Air Force .. when I was stationed in Germany how I got there was a series of mistakes I am only now starting to let go of .. but I fell into a depression one where I felt hurting myself or killing my self was the answer. I put myself with the help of doctors on Anti-Depressants which helped more than I can say. However I believe now that these drugs have been holding me back from growing as a person. So About two months now I decided that life wasn't going to get any better unless I did something about it .. it has not been a easy journey I had been stuck in this emotional stall for so long it has been a effort to try and greet each day with Peace, Love and Joy but I can assure you if I can do it you can do it. I still haven't gotten the nerve to go out and make some friends I have just lived in my house for 6 years without much contact. But this sunday I plan on attending a multi faith church I don't know if they observe my faith which is Pandeism but even if they don't I need to start making an effort to be around people again. I wish you so much Joy in your Life MutedBlue I am sending you good vibes your way.

Wishing you Peace, Love and Joy
Pernix

well Penrix antidpressants are needed when they are, but can cause problems of their own! they can make you feel very flat, you know. you might need to think of slowly coming off them; talk to your doc; you know they do help with depression and making us stop feeling so sad but no one likes to mention they also stop us feeling very happy, either! they tend to flatline us... if your not feeling suicidal or very depressed then it my well be your ready to get rid of them. they make us stopp going into the depths of despair but they also stop us from going into the alts of happiness you know; when we need them we do but otherwise they can hinder us.

not all of us are great friend makers; dont fret on that much. jeez you might not be ready yet. thats fine. the most important thing for you to do is realise your own worth! you have done great. you are a fabulous person and the things you have done are fantastic. you may not know that personally but its true. you touched other peoples lives. you need to think on that

I do not care if your fat ugly or old. you still touched other peoples lives didnt you. so why dont you take some credit and joy from it, and stop beating yourself so much.

when the time is right and your are healed, you will find yourself friends. in the meantime dont try so hard; you have done enough, and you are a great person. its ok to have a lonely time of reflection, lots of us do. dont worry so much about it.

you must love yourself first.

The whole truth about antidepressants...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fduMpYhv1_M

[MutedBlue]

Iolite and oldtimer, I have a beautiful collie, she's eight and sometimes I feel she's the only thing keeping me grounded.

Enya, you have something there, it is a frightening place and that could have something to do with my feelings, but yes, there is such potential.

Sharnie, all that you said makes alot of sense. I'm considering going back to volunteer and hoping that will help lead me to where I'm suppose to go next in my life. A boyfriend, that would be nice, I'm still waiting for fate to help on that one.

I really appreciate all the caring replies

Originally Posted by MutedBlue

Iolite and oldtimer, I have a beautiful collie, she's eight and sometimes I feel she's the only thing keeping me grounded.Enya, you have something there, it is a frightening place and that could have something to do with my feelings, but yes, there is such potential.

Sharnie, all that you said makes alot of sense. I'm considering going back to volunteer and hoping that will help lead me to where I'm suppose to go next in my life. A boyfriend, that would be nice, I'm still waiting for fate to help on that one.

I really appreciate all the caring replies

Awwww.... well, that's great news. They know, don't they...

[Goldenstairs]

That is exactly how I feel.I just exsist, but i'm dead inside.
Lonley empty.Don't even want to exsist.

Originally Posted by MutedBlue

I was wondering if anyone can relate to this. For the longest time I've had a hard time feeling driven in life, no ambition to move forward or attain any kind of personal goal. I think this goes beyond feelings of depression. Throughout my 20's and 30's I've helped care for sickly parents and since losing them I feel an emptiness and that I have no particular purpose in life. It's like a prolonged period of feeling dead inside. It's difficult for me to enjoy life experiences fully. I want to appreciate being alive and feel ungrateful because alot of the times I can't. I don't want to feel sorry for myself and want so much to find meaning to my life. Each day I try to be the best person I can but it feels like I'm just existing because I have to.

Oh wow, this is EXACTLY how I feel. You took the words right from me.

I hope you find peace soon...

life is what you make it. if you feel dead inside, that feeling with perpetuate more of that and only that. by changing your identification with that feeling momentum will happen and you will begin to change. think, where are your thoughts? be the change and know that your parents want you to live!

[Emmalevine]

Originally Posted by MutedBlue

I was wondering if anyone can relate to this. For the longest time I've had a hard time feeling driven in life, no ambition to move forward or attain any kind of personal goal. I think this goes beyond feelings of depression. Throughout my 20's and 30's I've helped care for sickly parents and since losing them I feel an emptiness and that I have no particular purpose in life. It's like a prolonged period of feeling dead inside. It's difficult for me to enjoy life experiences fully. I want to appreciate being alive and feel ungrateful because alot of the times I can't. I don't want to feel sorry for myself and want so much to find meaning to my life. Each day I try to be the best person I can but it feels like I'm just existing because I have to.

Hello

I don't experience it everyday but there are days when I'm very much this way. I've been told it is grief, or more specifially a shedding of the old in preparation for the new. When your identity has been engraved in caring for others you will naturally experience a loss of that identity at its end, as well as the loss of your parents and the feelings this brings up. Loss of your parents is a massive event, regardless of your age.

Grief allows us to come to terms with the loss over time and make a new identity and purpose for ourselves. In my experience it happens naturally and can't be forced, although making yourself go out and find new hobbies is a healthy thing to do. The important thing is to ride the tide. I've found that some days it can be quite intrusive and I have to sit with the meaningless, the pain, the anger, but normally in doing that I can function better on other days and feel quite different.

Hang in there, it's tough but trust in your emotions and your body. Let it flow.

Blue I can relate to this, the feeling you have of emptiness is because you had become so used to caring for people its hard to withdraw yourself from that, take for example someone you love and have been with for a long time, could you cope without this person by your side?
At the end of the day though its all about will power. Try and find a hobby, something that interests you, this will keep you occupied and you can start enjoying life again, however you want to enjoy it.