coping with apathetic people

One of my pet hates is people that complain about things in their lives but do nothing to make it better when there is so much they could do.

I am very much a "identify the problem, learn about it, fix it" sort of person and it has got me to this point and I am proud of it. But there are so many "identify a problem, whine about it in the hope that someone takes it away, then whine more when they don't" people out there.

Now, the higher minded part of me understands that they are on their own path and I have to allow them to live their lives in their way, but there is another part of me that wants to show them all the ways they can make things better.

I have realised that that second aspect doesn't go down very well so I save it for people who are actually looking for answers, but I find it so hard to simper at those that just want to whine when sometimes the answers are so obvious. For instance, my husband has hurt his hand, he has some gel he can put on it that will bring the swelling down and take the pain away, but he won't use it, he will find any excuse to not use it, but he will continue to complain that it hurts.

How do you cope with the frustration. I know I have to leave them to it, but just saying "oh dear, never mind" feels so lame!!!

The crazy paradox is I hate it when people try to solve my problems and sometimes all I want is a hugs and someone to say "oh dear, never mind"

[Gem]

I guess it's thinking that you know the answers that are best for other people, but I work with really difficult things and I might have ideas of my own, but actually, I don't know what is best, so people need to identify their own problem and decide for themselves what they need. Many people don't talk about anything until they're real drunk, and I can tell the drink causes some problems, so I think, this cat needs to stop drinking, but I don't know if that's best or not. If the guy said, I need to get off the grog, then OK... but easier said than done, so, it's complicated.

Originally Posted by Sungirl

One of my pet hates is people that complain about things in their lived but do nothing to make it better when there is so much they could do.

I am very much a "identify the problem, learn about it, fix it" sort of person and it has got me to this point and I am proud of it. But there are so many "identify a problem, whine about it in the hope that someone takes it away, then whine more when they don't" people out there.

Now, the higher minded part of me understands that they are on their own path and I have to allow them to live their lives in their way, but there is another part of me that wants to show them all the ways they can make things better.

I have realised that that second aspect doesn't go down very well so I save it for people who are actually looking for answers, but I find it so hard to simper at those that just want to whine when sometimes the answers are so obvious. For instance, my husband has hurt his hand, he has some gel he can put on it that will bring the swelling down and take the pain away, but he won't use it, he will find any excuse to not use it, but he will continue to complain that it hurts.

How do you cope with the frustration. I know I have to leave them to it, but just saying "oh dear, never mind" feels so lame!!!

There can be many reasons for why someone is apathetic - lethargy, slight depression, lack of motivation, fear of failure to name a few. So it may be about uncovering or realising the underlying reason and making allowances for this.

On a lighter note, here's some graffiti seen:

"The great British disease is apathy" ...... someone scribbled beneath this "so what?"

It's about developing compassion for those who have not yet realized that they are stuck in a prison of their own making, and accepting that a large percentage of the world is this way. Until we wake up we think our life is served to us, by God, by the universe, or just by chance. When we come to realize that we are the creators of our own universe, it still doesn't get any better straight away, because we are stuck with our old addictive patterns that take a life time to change.

Realize that you should focus on your own life, and that the part of you that wants to change other people's lives is your own (mild) neurosis that needs looking at. I have had the same frustrations too, but you can't change the world except by changing yourself.

You will get past the frustration when something clicks and you accept it all. Then you feel love, for the way things are, a kind of sad but beautiful love. But then rather than changing people's lives by trying to, you will simply show them the way by just being you.

Thanks guys, I'll keep plodding away and hopefully the "let them live their lives" voice wins the battle.

I still find it hard to simper at them tho... it feels like I am enabling them to carry on this way.....

Originally Posted by Sungirl

Thanks guys, I'll keep plodding away and hopefully the "let them live their lives" voice wins the battle.

I still find it hard to simper at them tho... it feels like I am enabling them to carry on this way.....

Allowing them!!

When your mind is done with being utterly frustrated at it all, when it is ready, it will let go and acceptance will fall into place.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Sungirl

Thanks guys, I'll keep plodding away and hopefully the "let them live their lives" voice wins the battle.

I still find it hard to simper at them tho... it feels like I am enabling them to carry on this way.....

I don't know about simpering, and I don't think that enlightened sad love stuff is much use either, but it's easy to empathize, 'put youself in their shoes'... Self reflection is always good too, like, the drunk guy really would do well to stop drinking, but it reminds me that I have issues I don't do anything about myself, for example.

Originally Posted by Gem

and I don't think that enlightened sad love stuff is much use either, .

Nothing to do with Enlightened. It's just about finding peace with the world.

I like you point though, about self reflection
.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by peacegarden

Nothing to do with Enlightened. It's just about finding peace with the world.

I like you point though, about self reflection

I like the world too, but it's got a lot of problems and people have hard lives. People are compassionate, and that's good, but it's easy to get the impression that people nedd to be fixed, however, everyone wants to be accepted, or even loved, just the way they are. I don't love people but I don't hate people, I don't even accept them really, though that sometimes occurs as an after thought. Mostly though, I don't try to fix people, because I reckon it's ok to be as they are. The listening, that's such a soft touch, and empathy is the way to really hear. I deal with hard issues and I interviewed a bunch of people to find out their experience and how they were helped and how that affected their happiness... and it's more than amazing what you can find out just by really listening.