A talk on this thing called 'worry'...

[Within Silence]

Another mind hack that may work for you is to accept that you're worrying and laugh about it. Yes, laugh about it, laugh at yourself for worrying. Even if you have to force yourself to laugh at first, just begin laughing and watch what happens. You know how silly it is but so what, you're worrying, laugh about worrying, accept it and have yourself a giant belly laugh. You'll see that this will reduce worrying greatly. You know what they say; "laughter is the best medicine!"

[Miss Hepburn]

Within Silence WELL! Aren't you a breathe of wisdom and insight!
Welcome aboard!

You've been around the block a few times I see!

[Within Silence]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Within Silence WELL! Aren't you a breathe of wisdom and insight!
Welcome aboard!

You've been around the block a few times I see!

Thank you Miss Hepburn!

[Within Silence]

"Seek not that the things which happen should happen as you wish; but wish the things which happen to be as they are, and you will have a tranquil flow of life." -Epictetus

^^^^ that is radically powerful when you begin to apply it to your life. It immediately ends the fight, ends resistance to "what is."

[Miss Hepburn]

Laughing at a thought that is about any worry....
is the best thing...YES!

It helps when you see it for what it is...a shadow...not real...

How many times is it written in scriptures ...
Do not worry,
Cast your cares
Give me your burdens
Be not afraid
Fear not
Be anxious for nothing
Ask and it is given
If you ask your earthly father for bread...will he give you a stone?

Being concerned and aware about paying a bill and then doing something about is a different thing, btw.

There is a time when we must stand up to this ridiculous enemy and say, "No".

Then, after a few times we see..."Oh, my worrying didn't effect the outcome one bit! It just made me sick, that's all!"

There isn't even any logic to support worrying.

[Sarian]

Originally Posted by Within Silence

I understand needing to steer your son in the right direction, and of course that needs to be done in greater and lesser amounts as he learns, but there is only so much you can do. There is no need to worry about it, no need to worry that you're not doing a good enough job, or that you should have done something else, or shouldn't have done what you did. Do you see what I mean. Just do your work and then step back, its the only path to serenity, its accepting the moment as it is. Do your work as best you can, give the guidance as best you can and then step back and observe, if more direction/guidance is needed then give it and step back. And I mean step back from thinking about it, step back from the mind. Just breathe, relax, observe, realize that there are some things out of your control, do what you can and step back.

I have 2 girls, 21 and 19, trust me that I struggled with the need to control! But I found that the more I tried to control them, the further I pushed them away, eventually I needed to trust them, give guidance and trust, deal with problems if they arose, but ultimately I was not in control of their lives. There is a fine line between guidance and control. Guidance is gentle, stern but loving, control is forceful, angry and at times hurtful. I am not saying that in extreme cases this is not need, but also in some cases this still won't do it or it compounds the problem. The trick is in being aware and sensitive enough to feel/see what the situation calls for. Your natural intuition will reveal this if you allow it. This is why its said that; "Patience is a virtue"

Thank you, Within Silence. It's my nature and it's also due to shielding my kids from their abusive father all their lives...but I probably caused them to not get out there on their own as they should. I see this. My son once commented to me about it, I said I'm sorry and I should have done things differently by making you do everything but I didn't...so become a doctor, make lots of money and get a therapist LOL! We joke about that at least. He's super good kid dealing with a go of depression being rejected by his first love...he took MCAT exams that totally stressed him out and knocked his confidence...and wants to work at a particular hospital until he gets into med school but he's only gotten one job offer but it was for something he did not want but got the impression they would ask him to interview for these other jobs he does want and has heard nothing, so he's having a confidence crisis I guess. I see him looking so sad and I try to encourage him and build him up. He's feeling extremely lonely at the moment too.

I keep stopping and breathing in and out to calm myself. I took him to pick up a pizza with me. I have an audio book I play, that I've already listened to but he commented one day that he found it very interesting, so I said nothing just turned it on for him to listen to more of it. I don't nag but sometimes I have to get straight with him that by doing nothing he will get nothing. LoA is NOT going to land a doctor's degree on his lap or make him a doctor without going to school and doing the things he has to...for med school etc... Know what I mean? I realize he's grieving not having this girl in his life, and I should allow him that process but he needs to keep living too.

[Within Silence]

Originally Posted by Sarian

Thank you, Within Silence. It's my nature and it's also due to shielding my kids from their abusive father all their lives...but I probably caused them to not get out there on their own as they should. I see this. My son once commented to me about it, I said I'm sorry and I should have done things differently by making you do everything but I didn't...so become a doctor, make lots of money and get a therapist LOL! We joke about that at least. He's super good kid dealing with a go of depression being rejected by his first love...he took MCAT exams that totally stressed him out and knocked his confidence...and wants to work at a particular hospital until he gets into med school but he's only gotten one job offer but it was for something he did not want but got the impression they would ask him to interview for these other jobs he does want and has heard nothing, so he's having a confidence crisis I guess. I see him looking so sad and I try to encourage him and build him up. He's feeling extremely lonely at the moment too.

I keep stopping and breathing in and out to calm myself. I took him to pick up a pizza with me. I have an audio book I play, that I've already listened to but he commented one day that he found it very interesting, so I said nothing just turned it on for him to listen to more of it. I don't nag but sometimes I have to get straight with him that by doing nothing he will get nothing. LoA is NOT going to land a doctor's degree on his lap or make him a doctor without going to school and doing the things he has to...for med school etc... Know what I mean? I realize he's grieving not having this girl in his life, and I should allow him that process but he needs to keep living too.

Sounds like you're doing a great job to me! Sounds like he is in the process of learning some valuable lessons, which is a very beneficial and a very necessary part of life, we all go through this from time to time.

I like this part you described: "I have an audio book I play, that I've already listened to but he commented one day that he found it very interesting, so I said nothing just turned it on for him to listen to more of it." Exactly. Perhaps he might like a copy of it? Perhaps you might be finished with it for the moment and could lend it to him for a time if he's interested in it? This is working behind the scenes, knowing what is needed without forcing it down anyone's throat. This is so wise, so...Tao. Teaching without teaching, saying things without saying anything, its very hard to describe but I know you know what I'm pointing at.

"I keep stopping and breathing in and out to calm myself." Great, sounds like you're on the right path! Rome wasn't built in a day. :) Resisting the inn breath too long creates tension, just has resisting exhaling also creates tension, thus balance is found in the flow of the breath, in the gentle acceptance that we must both take in and let go, take in and let go, if we try to hold on too long in either direction we resist the natural current of life, which is ever changing, ever flowing, in a constant state of flux.

Its not the strongest who survive, its those who are the best as adaptation, hence the strong and inflexible get broken, while the flexible and yielding bend and don't break.

[Sarian]

Thank you, Within Silence. I'm feeling better already. I suggested he take the book and listen to it on his own but he wouldn't but he will when we are together so I play it all the time, even some Abraham hicks cds lol, but he said "that woman's voice is irritating' lol.

He's at least busy fixing his room up and not just sitting in front of the tube, that was what bothered me the most. I could see life draining out of him, but he's moving again, cleared out his room, fixed some walls and sanded them, resurfaced a door in order to get ready to paint it. Found colors he wanted and we'll get the paint and supplies this weekend. When we are driving or go out to dinner, I use those times for talks...just casually talking about things I listened to and what helps me and he seems to enjoy it, then he opens up about things.

Deep breath in...deep breath out. Yes, I feel better and so will he. :-)

[Within Silence]

Originally Posted by Sarian

Thank you, Within Silence. I'm feeling better already. I suggested he take the book and listen to it on his own but he wouldn't but he will when we are together so I play it all the time, even some Abraham hicks cds lol, but he said "that woman's voice is irritating' lol.

He's at least busy fixing his room up and not just sitting in front of the tube, that was what bothered me the most. I could see life draining out of him, but he's moving again, cleared out his room, fixed some walls and sanded them, resurfaced a door in order to get ready to paint it. Found colors he wanted and we'll get the paint and supplies this weekend. When we are driving or go out to dinner, I use those times for talks...just casually talking about things I listened to and what helps me and he seems to enjoy it, then he opens up about things.

Deep breath in...deep breath out. Yes, I feel better and so will he. :-)

Sounds like a good handy man fixing up the walls and door. Its good to get up and move around too, very helpful to put ones attention on something else for a time. That sounds like a fun project; painting the room, anytime we add color to walls it seems to bring a new quality to the room, a new energy. Very cool!