my stomach hurts, mood is terrible, brain is foggy

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by shivatar

I wake up at 4 am to go to work but I don't meditate or do yoga. I usually hit the snooze button 3 times, get dressed in 5 minutes and leave for work feeling kind of groggy.


Yeah, unfortunately surrender to God isn't a magic bullet. Sometimes God is like "I surrender to you too! Do what you want to do!" and I'm just like pulling my hair out. lol.

Thanks for the information on distress tolerance.

I like the idea of mood gym, and for 40$ for a year I think I can manage that when I get into better finances.

I'm hearing a lot about gut bacteria and it's encouraging me to eat healthier. I think my gut bacteria is terrible from about a decade of straight junk food eating and bingeing. I bet I will feel loads better after a month of healthy diet.

Wow, Moodgym used to be free!

I didn't see that when I recommended it to you or I would not have...silly people charging for stuff like that...but they charge for everything now..."your total distress is my profit...a great way I can make money"...it sucks.

We sleep in cycles of 90 minutes, so if you are going to bed late and waking up half way through a sleep cycle, your going to feel pretty bad. Try going to bed half an hour or an hour before you do (and put your alarm clock on the other side of the room), but I'm always kinda relying on the Berocca/Supradyn (soluble vitamins) as soon as my eyes open and I'm also getting into micro-nutrients as well...I am living on this stuff:

http://www.naturesway.com.au/wp-cont...-1-500x450.png

Yeah, I wake up and my first go-to is a soluble vitamin, a glass of green junk and two little bottles of Yakult (probiotics)...and then, I am like right! let's do this! How's your water intake and hydration levels?

Yes, it will get better if you give it some time, and time is really all that's going to help in the long run...nothing else.

What do you do for a crust, Shivatar?

[revolver]

Originally Posted by shivatar

The entire world would benefit from seeing a psychiatrist so that's not super helpful lol

Sorry I didn't mean to be smart about the psychiatrist, I myself go to one, and have seen a psychologist for a number of years, yes they do help.

[Shivani Devi]

I have just been shown things...

Have you ever considered that there's a powerful 'dark energy' inside us that we are too terrified to let out? Not because it will do us harm, but because of what it is capable of doing to others just to protect us?

I have seen it in action before and I try to keep the lid on for everyone's sake, but in doing so, it's eating me alive from the inside-out and turning its whole focus on my own mind and body.

It's not necessarily 'evil' or 'destructive' but others will definitely see it that way, even though there's no ego or malice whatsoever involved on my part. It's that raw, primal energy of the universe, which isn't all love, light and rainbows...but it's the source of infinite knowledge...infinite existence and somehow, I happen to be a channel for the energy of it.

I have to find ways to make it a 'productive' thing, instead of allowing it to follow its own natural entropic tendencies...but that is mainly out of my control and it's all I can do to try and bury it within the illusion of 'being human' and all that entails, on this superficial level...but I can see that it's a hypocrisy on my part to try and totally deny my 'true nature' because I have seen what it can do and it ain't pretty.

[Shivani Devi]

Also, I have to stop making posts on here at exactly 11:11...it's getting beyond a joke now and all I can say it ENOUGH!...STOP IT!...I GET IT!...

I'm host to a fallen angel.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Wow, Moodgym used to be free!

I didn't see that when I recommended it to you or I would not have...silly people charging for stuff like that...but they charge for everything now..."your total distress is my profit...a great way I can make money"...it sucks.

We sleep in cycles of 90 minutes, so if you are going to bed late and waking up half way through a sleep cycle, your going to feel pretty bad. Try going to bed half an hour or an hour before you do (and put your alarm clock on the other side of the room), but I'm always kinda relying on the Berocca/Supradyn (soluble vitamins) as soon as my eyes open and I'm also getting into micro-nutrients as well...I am living on this stuff:

http://www.naturesway.com.au/wp-cont...-1-500x450.png

Yeah, I wake up and my first go-to is a soluble vitamin, a glass of green junk and two little bottles of Yakult (probiotics)...and then, I am like right! let's do this! How's your water intake and hydration levels?

Yes, it will get better if you give it some time, and time is really all that's going to help in the long run...nothing else.

What do you do for a crust, Shivatar?

I drink quite a bit of water but I'm not at 100% hydration yet. When I am home I'm usually fully hydrated, but not at work.

What do you mean by crust?

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by revolver

Sorry I didn't mean to be smart about the psychiatrist, I myself go to one, and have seen a psychologist for a number of years, yes they do help.

I didn't mean to get defensive either but I've been recommended a psychiatrist many times over, and seen many before. Now is not the time though, my insurance is terrible which means if I went and signed up now it would be 3 months before I saw one, and it would be for 30 minutes then they would prescribe me some junk and send me on my way. Maybe someday when I have decent health insurance it will be a good idea.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I have just been shown things...

Have you ever considered that there's a powerful 'dark energy' inside us that we are too terrified to let out? Not because it will do us harm, but because of what it is capable of doing to others just to protect us?

I have seen it in action before and I try to keep the lid on for everyone's sake, but in doing so, it's eating me alive from the inside-out and turning its whole focus on my own mind and body.

It's not necessarily 'evil' or 'destructive' but others will definitely see it that way, even though there's no ego or malice whatsoever involved on my part. It's that raw, primal energy of the universe, which isn't all love, light and rainbows...but it's the source of infinite knowledge...infinite existence and somehow, I happen to be a channel for the energy of it.

I have to find ways to make it a 'productive' thing, instead of allowing it to follow its own natural entropic tendencies...but that is mainly out of my control and it's all I can do to try and bury it within the illusion of 'being human' and all that entails, on this superficial level...but I can see that it's a hypocrisy on my part to try and totally deny my 'true nature' because I have seen what it can do and it ain't pretty.

I know the energy you speak of. I let it out a long time ago. The energy grew too great and my energy was failing so I let it out. I let go of control over the dark energy and as it came out in full force I was horrified, however at the last second an equally powerful divinity came out of me to counter it.

I got tired of being eaten alive so I decided to do something new. Maybe you should explore doing the same?

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Also, I have to stop making posts on here at exactly 11:11...it's getting beyond a joke now and all I can say it ENOUGH!...STOP IT!...I GET IT!...

I'm host to a fallen angel.

That sounds unfortunate. Which angel?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by shivatar

That sounds unfortunate. Which angel?

Ashtaroth, it seems.

When I asked 'what do you do for a crust'...that is Aussie slang term and I apologise.

I mean, what is your occupation? your profession?

I have also started letting the energy out since becoming aware that was what I needed to do, and I am in amusement of those mortals who sit in judgment over forces they cannot possibly comprehend.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Ashtaroth, it seems.

When I asked 'what do you do for a crust'...that is Aussie slang term and I apologise.

I mean, what is your occupation? your profession?

I have also started letting the energy out since becoming aware that was what I needed to do, and I am in amusement of those mortals who sit in judgment over forces they cannot possibly comprehend.

Why do you think Ashtaroth has posessed you, or shares a vessel with you?


I work in management. My destiny is to build cob homes, I'm just lazy about pursuing it because it means I will have to work like two to three times as hard as I do now.


It's annoying when people judge. Part of me wants to have a long discussion with them about how they are hurting their self, and others too, but I just let it go.