Why do women attack?

[Dragonfly1]

Originally Posted by richag77

I've had many relationships with women over the years(I'm 59 yrs old) and I have noticed that there appears to b a trait in women of suddenly verbally attacking their partner, many times out of all proportion to any perceived indiscretion.
Am I right to say that this is just something that most women do as a power struggle game? I understand that women may do this at the start of a relationship to test their man on how he will react when pressured or attacked by them; they want to know that he will resist the temptation to violence.

Once this test has given successful results and they know that they are safe, then why would they continue with these random attacks unless it is some sort of game they play? (I have always resisted needless criticism of my partners and are very reluctant to do so) . I have read a little on relationships and there seems to be a thing about women verbally attacking their men. I, and many men that I know, don't give it out so then why should we receive it? Is this just part of the to and fro of relationships?
How many others on this forum can resonate with what I am saying?

No, its not something that all women do, some men bring out the worst in a woman, and for her to be 'heard', sometimes verbal attacks can happen out of sheer frustration....
If a woman is treated with psychological and/or direct disrespect, the accumulation of said disrespect will have an outlet sooner or later.....

Perhaps you should look to yourself to find out (truthfully) what you are doing to bring on these attacks....

I have had a relationship where the man, said some of as you are saying (in your original post)....he said he, did nothing to bring on these attacks, but in actual fact, he did.....with attitude and words, gestures, ignorance and control, and an attitude of 'better than, because he is a man'...

I find if love and kindness and respect is given to a woman it is returned freely.....
(unless of course there is a genuine mental illness involved, or a genuine hormonal imbalance,(medical issue) and of course pms once per month, which is hormonal craziness, out of our control im afraid; but again, this doesn't apply to every woman).....

After a long time of being ignored, disrespected and taken for granted, one can only take so much.....then when a verbal attack happens, the 'man' thinks or says, 'what did i do?' and this is because he's been doing it for so long and has gotten away with it, it becomes the 'norm' for him......he thinks he's ok and the woman is a nut case.....when in actual fact, its him that has brought her 'crazy' on, and its also her fault for allowing it to go on in the first place.......

....and I say this with clear hindsight......now......

[psychoslice]

Yep there bad as each other.

Why do women "attack"? For the same reason that men do - they are fearful, insecure, and uncertain about themselves and their circumstances. But yes, the role a person might find themselves in, may formulate the form of the expression of the fear.

[umbridge]

Consider it as a pattern. Its your lesson maybe. Female are attacking you verbally why? Do you give them a reason to do so? The pattern is repeating and repeating until you learn. Learn something about others and about yourself. And when you consciously start to choose relationship and women who arent like this.

[richag77]

Originally Posted by umbridge

Consider it as a pattern. Its your lesson maybe. Female are attacking you verbally why? Do you give them a reason to do so? The pattern is repeating and repeating until you learn. Learn something about others and about yourself. And when you consciously start to choose relationship and women who arent like this.

My original question was "Is this a general trait in women, or just my limited experience?" The question has been answered by many of the forum members. The trait is not general but occurs in some women for a reason. I've looked hard at my self and know that my actions alone did not generate this response. Men are famous for their power games and some women are too, especially those who have been abused. I have felt that I have paid many times for other men's indiscretions.

[mysterious]

Life can be very hard and demanding for women especially now and It could simply be pms/pmdd a real disorder, I get it and it turns your life upside down. This isn't the only reason but could definitely be a major one.

Try being supportive and just simply ask what the matter is, but then that is if the person in question is comfortable in telling you the truth.

[CrystalSong]

Originally Posted by richag77

I've had many relationships with women over the years(I'm 59 yrs old) and I have noticed that there appears to b a trait in women of suddenly verbally attacking their partner, many times out of all proportion to any perceived indiscretion.
Am I right to say that this is just something that most women do as a power struggle game? I understand that women may do this at the start of a relationship to test their man on how he will react when pressured or attacked by them; they want to know that he will resist the temptation to violence.

Once this test has given successful results and they know that they are safe, then why would they continue with these random attacks unless it is some sort of game they play? (I have always resisted needless criticism of my partners and are very reluctant to do so) . I have read a little on relationships and there seems to be a thing about women verbally attacking their men. I, and many men that I know, don't give it out so then why should we receive it? Is this just part of the to and fro of relationships?
How many others on this forum can resonate with what I am saying?

I'm a woman and was guilty of this once-upon-a-time also. It was a form of defense and strategic redirecting.

A way to think of it is men have physical strength, it's a bit of a final word if an argument goes too far. Women have a different set of talents, we can tangle one's brain up with emotion packed words.

Until we reach a certain level of understanding in life and emotional maturing we erroneously believe it is our only tool for keeping ourselves and our little corner of reality safe. Many of us our taught this form of staying in control and safe by other women and our mothers. Many women gain other more effective tools in time and become less adversarial and quick to defend.

We attract like/similar vibration in life, (Life mirrors what we believe) so if many years have passed and you are not meeting the type of women who have long since out grown that tool set it is likely it is something in you which also needs healed in order to attract a different type of woman as a companion.

[Tobi]

It's a bit of a sweeping statement really to ask the question "Why do women attack?" It's a bit like saying "Why are all 40-something executive guys bad drivers and tailgate you even if you're driving 3mph over the speed limit?"
It's tempting to generalize but unwise.

[Kupava]

I did it today with the guy I'm seeing,i really don't understand it.
First I complained that he wasn't replying to me fast enough,this is after I took four hours to reply to his initial email,then I went on at him for going away for a bit,he explained he'd lost his wallet and was panicking and looking for it,but I just called him a liar,then I told him I didn't like him ,goodbye etc ,he made everything better of course.
It definitely test of some sort,it's let's see how they feel about me,or I'm feeling insecure,unloved,etc,few hours later I realised it was pms.which reminds any spiritual notions of pms? I don't like the term.

Originally Posted by richag77

I've had many relationships with women over the years(I'm 59 yrs old) and I have noticed that there appears to b a trait in women of suddenly verbally attacking their partner, many times out of all proportion to any perceived indiscretion.
Am I right to say that this is just something that most women do as a power struggle game? I understand that women may do this at the start of a relationship to test their man on how he will react when pressured or attacked by them; they want to know that he will resist the temptation to violence.

Once this test has given successful results and they know that they are safe, then why would they continue with these random attacks unless it is some sort of game they play? (I have always resisted needless criticism of my partners and are very reluctant to do so) . I have read a little on relationships and there seems to be a thing about women verbally attacking their men. I, and many men that I know, don't give it out so then why should we receive it? Is this just part of the to and fro of relationships?
How many others on this forum can resonate with what I am saying?

[Lilyth Von Gore]

Did you consider that perhaps you are the one at fault? Perhaps somehow you are triggering a reaction. Especially if they have suffered abuse of some form. It's very easy to do that. Speaking as a woman who suffers from P.T.S.D, I can say how easy it is for a trigger to cause me distress and as a result make me become frustrated. And if someone has caused that trigger, often my anger will be directed at them specifically.