I need support

Everyone is writing me such amazing and encouraging things and I feel bad that I'm not acting on anything right now. I am still saving like I said. But right now is my work week until my next day off Tuesday. And my hours are 8-6:30 so I don't get much else done during these days. And I don't really see him because I'm not home. So not much is going to happen right now. I just feel like I need a break from life. I wish that was possible but since it's not I'm just going to focus on work right now.
Thank you to everyone for all the supportive words :)

You shouldn't feel bad you're not acting on advice. You're your own person and you do what you what, when you want. Advice is only suggestions after all.

Don't work too hard! ;-)

Blessings!
LL

[astralsuzy]

It is your life and you can do what you want.
My friend said to me, when she was going out with her boyfriend, she did not see the warning signs. They got married but it did not last. They went through a nasty divorce and spent a lot of money on solicitors. They had a child. Break ups are a lot worse when there are children involved.

Today something terrible happened. I was at work and getting ready to leave when I get a text from him saying that he can't believe what he found, what I did to him. He is totally freaking out but won't answer his phone for the whole night. He found some emails that I thought I had erased.
A little over a year ago I was on a website that allows people to meet and talk and help each other through stressful times. Like this one. I was going through another stressful time with my fiance. So I went on this site because I was totally depressed and couldn't talk to him at all about anything. I met some random guy and he listened to me and it helped me. We started talking more and more because it made me feel better. He lived across the country and I never met him or even talked to him on the phone. But the conversations started going in a different direction. Things were said on both of our parts. I started getting uncomfortable and stopped all communication. But it had already gone too far. I never talked to him again.
Today my fiance found all of my deleted emails somehow on my iPad. He is leaving me. Probably most of you know my story from my previous posts.
I just feel terrible because he is saying I broke his heart. But everyone like my mom is saying that he pushed me to do this. He is abusive.
I just want some outside opinions.

[astralsuzy]

I feel your pain. I understand what it would be like. It is normal to feel sad and feeling down in the dumps. In time you will start to feel better. You have to have trust in a relationship. If he does not trust you then it is not much of a relationship. So you were talking to someone on a forum for advice. I tell my husband that I was talking to someone on a forum. That does not mean that I am having an affair. My husband knows that. I would never do that. It is a good thing that he is leaving you. You are free now. You can go out and get someone that cares about you. Be choosey the next person that comes along. If he is not right, then brush him away and find someone else. There are plenty of other men out there.
Do not worry about him saying you broke his heart. He is not worth it so try not to care about it. When I broke up with my previous boyfriend who I was going to marry a long time ago, I did not care if I was not very nice how I said it. My ex was very nasty so as I said, I did not care.

Hey Marie


Okay, so before he uses the mind games AGAIN and makes you feel bad (as abusive little boys do) you haven't done anything wrong, AT ALL.


Firstly, he shouldn't have been checking anything of yours, that's private!! His guilty conscience lead him to going through your stuff, and trying to find something he can throw back in your face. I've also been in this exact situation, and during the mental abuse he'd go and find everything little thing he could get at me for; it's a psychological way of offloading his guilt, so he can find fault with you.

Talking to men/a man on a forum when you needed support, is not a crime. You were at your lowest and just like on here, you turned to people for advice as god knows you would have needed it being with this 'man'.


Now, this may not be the best situation in your eyes as obviously you wanted time to plan, save money etc before you went; but remember when I said everything happens for a reason...?
You need to make sure you TELL him, how dare you go through my things and have you any idea what you've done to me. How do you think I got to this situation? I have to talk to others to save my sanity and just get through all your mental/emotional abuse. You need to tell him to get help, and you're moving on, as you cannot take this anymore; enough is enough.


He needs to know, that this time YOU have the upper hand. And you should set a date between you both for when you're leaving, even for now if it means staying with a friend/family member.
This is going to be the time right now, where you have to be brave and take this move hun, otherwise it's going to spiral out of control and be so destructive.


All of us here are always there for support



~Nadine~

[astralsuzy]

What Soul Searcher said was good advice. I only differ on one thing and that is I would not talk to him about it. Why go through all that pain in talking about it when you know he is going to be abusive. You cannot win so I would not waste my time and it would be emotionally draining. Get out as quickly as you can. Move on with your life.

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

What Soul Searcher said was good advice. I only differ on one thing and that is I would not talk to him about it. Why go through all that pain in talking about it when you know he is going to be abusive. You cannot win so I would not waste my time and it would be emotionally draining. Get out as quickly as you can. Move on with your life.

Thanks, Suzy


I do see what you're saying as regards to not talking to him, as yes he's just a complete waste of space.
But my reason for saying this (from my experience) is it's just the principal. How dare he think he's got the upper hand and can again belittle Marie, and use this as an excuse again to kick her out the house.

In my own opinion, he NEEDS to know who and what he really is, he won't take it in but at least he can hear it. It hit my ex like a ton of bricks when he heard from me and my family, what a disgrace he had become.
But of course this is different for every situation, and Marie may not even want to do that/be comfortable saying those things. I wouldn't recommend it if you feel like it would put you in harms way etc.


We're all here for support, but only YOU will know in your heart what's right.



~Nadine~

I don't think everyone understood what I meant when I said he found bad emails. I was talking a certain way with this guy. It started out as nothing. We were just helping each other with our problems. Depression. Then we started talking differently. Bad. I'm so embarrassed. Anyway, he found all of these emails somehow. I erased everything when I started getting uncomfortable and stopped talking to him. But I guess I didn't do a good job of getting rid of them. This guy was nothing to me. It's so ridiculous that this came up. It was nothing and now he thinks that I was doing all this horrible stuff and cheating on him. I honestly forgot About this guy because he meant that little to me.
I never wanted to hurt him. Even though he has hurt me badly, I didn't want him to ever think I was cheating on him. Now I haven't seen him in 2 days and he said he wants me out by Monday. I can't do this anyway because I don't have off until I don't even know when. The schedule isn't up yet so I don't know my days off. I have no idea where he is or what he is doing. He texted me this morning and called me all these names. He keeps saying he can't believe me. He is making me feel lower than scum. I feel like I deserve this. I never thought this would happen. I'm very depressed and I stopped eating.

[astralsuzy]

I understand what you are saying. Perhaps it was right or wrong. What is done is done. If he was a kind person he would have forgiven you. He would not treat you this way. This is your chance to get away. Do you really want to be depressed for the rest of your life being with him. I have said this before. He is not worth it. Get some help and be kind to yourself. Get away from him immediately. The longer you stay with him, the worse you will get. No wonder you feel depressed.