Am I allowed to be upset by this or no?

Hmmm...from what I'm hearing you have no trust in her...it sounds like your just hanging on too it because your comfortable with it?? Relationships that arn't based on trust usually burn and disintegrate quickly and cause more pain in the end than its worth...might be time to extricate yourself from the situation!

[Xan]

Seems like time to build better communication in this relationship, Drew, if you want it to go anywhere. Simply saying what you think and feel in yourself, and listening.

Of course that's true of any relationship.


Xan

Drew, every woman is going to have different moods on different days and occasionally be working through personal stuff. It's part of being human. So if you're ever going to have a long term committed relationship with anyone... it will be with someone who has different moods on different days and occasionally will be working through personal stuff. Because that is how people are.

She can't help that she doesn't have the same mood every day. She knows that you are tempted to dump her every time things are not going great even if it's just during one day. Naturally, that would tend to make someone reluctant to share with you the personal stuff they are going through. She probably feels that the more you know about it the more likely you will be to decide she is just too much to handle and dump her.

I'm just going by what I think the situation is from how you describe it. I have dated a guy who usually would dump a girl as soon as he finds something he doesn't like. He wanted to stay with me because he had feelings for me. I had feelings for him and wanted the relationship to succeed. But there was always that threat hanging over my head and sometimes spoken out loud. It was very stressful, I felt pressured to be perfect, but I'm human so I can't be perfect, I became very very depressed and couldn't tell him why because he would dump me. Your posts remind me of this situation, because of the way you describe yourself. I could be wrong, but maybe constantly being on the verge of getting dumped for being human is no picnic for her...

I agree with Xan, you guys need to learn how to communicate, and most of this is going to be on you to learn how to make a psychic space safe enough to where she feels like she can reveal what she's keeping from you. You have to learn to be gentle, not pry too hard, but be present with an open heart. Let her know that you're available. It sounds like you're getting frustrated because she's going through a healing process. the only way to "speed this along" is to become patient, present, open, loving, accepting, communicative, etc. etc. To be an integrative presence in her live.

thanks guys. this is a few months old and i have moved on from it but all the advice is majory appreciated!