How to live with negative people and have inner peace?

[Uma]

Buddha's famous cure-all for suffering was detachment - "the root of all suffering is attachment". He was not talking about intellectual detachment. He was talking about being centered in a space that sees the illusion of life for what it is - a play of energy.

In my case, when I am centered in that space, people cannot drain away my energy. But I am not centered 100% of the time. I need some time and space to myself away from negative people so I can recharge when the going gets tough. So my recommendation is to have a room to yourself when your parents come to call that you can retreat to, or put some music on (you can wear headphones), or have a place you can getaway to even if it's just to scream and vent, and then to use some meditation and a few deep breaths to calm down and get centered. Negative people can and do drain away our energies. That's when it's great to have positive people to talk to, as they can uplift us in times of crisis, giving support, and helping us deal with it.

The other part of detachment is freedom from desire. This is the "middle way" - neither being too passionate in love or hate - feeling neither "I like" nor "I don't like" but more in the "I don't care" part of the continuum of desire. This is also about being centered in the source of your being - the eye of the hurricane. The journey of lifetimes is the journey of coming to that space, burning those trigger points or karmic seeds that spring to life whenever a situation from the past brings them up again. Each time we transform ourselves, we will react to an old situation in a different way, and life will test that by sending us exactly the kind of people/situations that trigger a reliving of the same patterns of thought and emotion - to see if we have "grown" and can handle it in a better way. Handling it in a better way is part of "detaching".

In my own case, I am being tested all the time. Each time I can handle it, life throws me a new twist on an old situation to see how much stress I can take before it breaks me. With each test I pass, I become stronger, wiser and eventually I graduate...grace flows into my life and the rewards are worth it.

I am one who believes we choose our parents, and all those who come to drive us crazy. Without them we would stagnate in our soul evolution.

There is also another point of view from reincarnation - the idea that if you trip over a rope it could mean a blessing because in a past life you died by a hanging and in this one it is simply a reminder, a trigger, so you don't have to go through that horrible experience again. By contemplating the possible past life connections you might have had with those negative people, a lot of insights can come. Those who are wise will thank the negative people for driving them crazy because in a deeper way, they are actually driving one into sanity (clear seeing)...

DebbyM - thank you for the support, your words do bring me comfort, deep down i know i have to leave her to walk this path, and it is hard to let that loyalty to her go by, esp when i wouldnt wish this sort of thing of anyone let alone my own mother.

she loves to play the martyr card and make out like everyone is out to get her figuratively speaking. She also won't do the heart to heart talks, and prefers to dwell on supposed hurts and carry grudges forever.

this is very much my mother also, at the moment although i dont see her or hear from her i have taken steps to send her distance healing and love and i do ask protection for her , i fear right now my mum is her only enemy and also her worst.

I find guilt is a very difficult thing to deal with , and even more so when you know its not your fault but now that you can ease the pain and choose not to, i think its that i stumble with... for now i say to myself ( nearly every day )

" i see you walking down a dark path and i will not walk it with you, but i will stand and shine a light in the hope that you will turn round and see it "

silly it may sound but it kind of gets me through it .. its just occasionally i hits bumps like today where the guilt rips in and the turmoil almost takes over, but a bit better this time as i havent burst into tears over it.. progress a little perhaps

blessings

Uma - love the points you bring up in your post :)

"" i see you walking down a dark path and i will not walk it with you, but i will stand and shine a light in the hope that you will turn round and see it "

That is such a lovely thought geminilite. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Sunshine111]

I would have informed my parents about the impact their negativity has on me that I was not willing to put up with it any longer because now, I had a little child to look after and that, they will have to choose between being cut off completely by me, not come over again to my house to see me or their grandchild or they cut off their negativity.

I would have also informed them that if they came over to my house and broke the rule, dwelling on negativity, they would have been given their last warning to cease this and if they did not, they would have been out of the door , house and back to their house to dwell on negativity as much as they want there without upsetting , angering , draining my energy and wasting my time and disrupting my peace.

If they broke this rule, I would have cut them off completely and chuck them out of my life.

[Elvis]

Be yourself around them. Don't be judgmental and thoroughly analyze situations before jumping to conclusion.

[lcs830115]

i found a video on youtube that explains a few simple ways on how to cure
i have tried many different ways to cure this here is a link to a video that gives some great tips. change this to your link
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