Contradictions everywhere

[sky]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

This post will be the end of me rabbiting on about inherent contradictions, money and my mother.

The other day, she bought a battery operated night-light for $2 - I mean, she'd spend $100 on about 70 items costing $1 and $2 each that she neither wants or needs, just because she considers them a 'bargain' but she cannot see that she has just spent $100 on junk and refuses to be told.

Anyway, she wanted to buy batteries for it...and of course, she sees 'Acme" batteries, made in China...six AAA batteries for $1. She says "wow, those batteries are so cheap" and I just laughed.

Meanwhile, I needed some batteries myself for my MP3 player, my old Gameboy and a TV remote...So I bought a dozen Duracell AAA batteries for $12...and of course, my mother started hyperventilating, shaking and flushing "you...you...know...if you...bought two...packets of Acme batteries...it...would...only...cost...you...$2 and not...$12...TWELVE DOLLARS!!!...TWELVE DOLLARS FOR BATTERIES!!!...What a JOKE!!!...they saw YOU coming!!!

I started fanning her, got out the brown paper bag and the water...she was like "a battery is a battery!" and I just said "nope, they are not the same" and she wouldn't let up about how all batteries are the same and I was just paying for the "name" or the "brand" and how only POSH people did that...and she didn't raise me to be POSH...I just kept changing the subject until she got the hint that I didn't want to discuss it further.

So, we arrive home...she puts the batteries in her nightlight...after half an hour, of course, they died and she started whining "I bought this light! the light is broken...it is no good!" and I'm like "no mum, the light is fine, the BATTERIES are no good"...and then, I put two of my Duracell batteries in it....10 hours later, the batteries died.

She went "It must have been just THOSE batteries I put in it...let me try some more of MY batteries"...she put two more Acme batteries in it and sure enough, after half an hour, they died...and so I repeated with the Duracells...and 10 hours later...

After that, mum said "I must have bought a batch of flat batteries...they must have been sitting on the shelf there for AGES...yes, that's IT!...that's what has happened!...all I could do was just facepalm and shake my head...and then she goes "can I please borrow two more of YOUR batteries? I'll pay you back...I shall replace all of the batteries you have already given me, I promise"...and I'm like, I'll GIVE you two more batteries...but PLEASE, I don't WANT you to 'replace them'...consider them a GIFT! maybe one that teaches you something! and she goes "No I will replace them, I INSIST"...yeah, I knew what was coming...

Next time, we went out, she bought another 6 Acme brand batteries for $1 and gave them to me, saying "here we go, I said that I would replace your batteries that I used...we are square now". I just broke down in the middle of the shopping centre, throwing a tantrum like a 2-year old...and in the end, mum threw away her $2 night light because it was 'too expensive to run' and I bought her a packet of 9 hour tea-light candles and a lighter instead....and each cost me $2 so she was happy.

SD have you tried taking her battery out

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by sky123

SD have you tried taking her battery out

LOL

As unfortunate as it is, this obsession/fear of money is a disease...a terminal disease like cancer and she cannot help it. I don't even think she's fully aware of what's going on, or she wouldn't make up the most stupid, unreasonable excuses to justify her position, retrospective and irrespective of the most logical evidence.

In such case, all I can do is say "yes, you are totally right and I am wrong, mother dear" so that she goes to her grave happy and satisfied, seeing as how she already has one foot in it...but thanks to her, I have learned that if people don't want to listen to me, tell them only what they want to hear, so it over-inflates their huge ego...giving them some more karma and samskaras that it's going to take them a few more births to get through it..then do whatever I am doing myself anyway out of their sight or mind.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

LOL

As unfortunate as it is, this obsession/fear of money is a disease...a terminal disease like cancer and she cannot help it. I don't even think she's fully aware of what's going on, or she wouldn't make up the most stupid, unreasonable excuses to justify her position, retrospective and irrespective of the most logical evidence.

In such case, all I can do is say "yes, you are totally right and I am wrong, mother dear" so that she goes to her grave happy and satisfied, seeing as how she already has one foot in it...but thanks to her, I have learned that if people don't want to listen to me, tell them only what they want to hear, so it over-inflates their huge ego...giving them some more karma and samskaras that it's going to take them a few more births to get through it..then do whatever I am doing myself anyway out of their sight or mind.

How do you feel when your mum criticises and judges you?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by A human Being

How do you feel when your mum criticises and judges you?

I don't take it personally because she criticises and judges everyone equally.

Once she criticised me for wearing my Bindi (forehead caste mark) in public...I simply said "Oh really? remind me to get out my full head-scarf next time, like those Muslim women wear".

That totally shut her up and down and the subject of what I wore in public was never raised again.

Once, she criticised and judged me for the music I listen to...and you know, the very moment she did, the volume increased by about 30 decibels.

So how do I feel when my mother criticises me? rebellious, I guess...making her wish that she never had.

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Being pragmatic here...sometimes, we have to put up with what is 'wrong' and what appears to be 'contradictory'...even fooling ourselves to get just one moment of that 'peace of mind' and to make others we care for superficially happy, even when it pains us to do so...and I suffer long and hard with this.

My mother hates 'dishonesty' and yet, she's the very first to encourage it, ask for it and even reward it...and it's been like that all my life.

Even today...with me being a grown adult, she cannot help herself:

Me: "I'm thinking of buying that bagless vacuum cleaner I saw at Aldi for $49".

Mum: "What's wrong with the vacuum cleaner you have? Don't waste your money getting another vacuum cleaner when you already have one".

Me: "...but I have had that old vacuum cleaner for 5 years now...it came out of the ark...it has bags that you can't buy anymore and I have to keep on recycling them...and it doesn't suck anymore...I can suck through a straw harder".

Mum: "I'm sure if you look on eBay, you can get bags for it...and you can still keep on recycling and re-using the old bags anyway...and the reason why it's not picking up stuff, is because you are not pushing it hard enough! you need to put some more 'elbow grease' into it, my child".

Me: "Puh-leez...no matter how hard you push a vacuum cleaner, if it ain't sucking...it ain't sucking...and I am sick and tired of having dirty and dusty floors because it ain't sucking. I WANT to buy a new one!"

Mum (getting all wound up and clutching her chest): "You never listen to me! why must you waste your money so? Why must you have a 'bagless' vacuum cleaner when one with a bag works much BETTER than a bagless one? maybe if you took all the attachments off, get around on your backside and vacuum the carpets, it will suck better...have you tried that?"

Me: "I am sorry mother...you are right...how could I be so STUPID to think I needed a new vacuum cleaner after 5 years? please forgive me...I shall do as you say".

...and so, when she goes home I am going to BUY that bagless vacuum cleaner...hide it in the closet upstairs where she won't find it...then, when she visits for a few days, I'll use my old vacuum cleaner...and when she goes back home, I'll use the new one...all the while saying to her "you are right...ever since you said what you did about the old vacuum cleaner, look how much cleaner my carpers are? it's a bloody miracle! thanks mum".

I thought this story would fit somehow.

From https://femalewarrior.net/ephemera/castaneda-quotes/ (It's worth reading the whole page!):

"It’s better to get something worthwhile done using deception than to fail to get something worthwhile done using truth.

Impeccability is nothing else but the proper use of energy."

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I don't take it personally because she criticises and judges everyone equally.

Once she criticised me for wearing my Bindi (forehead caste mark) in public...I simply said "Oh really? remind me to get out my full head-scarf next time, like those Muslim women wear".

That totally shut her up and down and the subject of what I wore in public was never raised again.

Once, she criticised and judged me for the music I listen to...and you know, the very moment she did, the volume increased by about 30 decibels.

So how do I feel when my mother criticises me? rebellious, I guess...making her wish that she never had.

Is it fair to say that you don't feel much sympathy or compassion towards her? Why do you think she's the way she is?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Is it fair to say that you don't feel much sympathy or compassion towards her? Why do you think she's the way she is?

As unfortunate as it is, I was born lacking the ability to feel sympathy or compassion towards anybody and this is not my fault, yet everybody says it is.

People blame me for being cold, aloof, insensitive and disconnected...instead of blaming the Autism Spectrum Disorder which makes me this way.

So, I have had to rely on pure logic, reason and common sense...only to realise that most humans don't rely on those things, because they are too busy feeling sympathy and compassion to be rational or make any sense whatsoever.

Thus, I don't know why she is the way she is...maybe her mummy didn't hug her enough...and my grandma's mummy didn't hug her enough either...leading right back to the first ape which showed neglect towards its child.

[Shivani Devi]

Although, my pure logic and rationality is telling me that the reason why she is like this, is because she's totally terrified of death, so she is 'overcompensating'.

I mean, I have to put up with this, day in and out; "the kids play handball in the driveway and the ball goes on to my garden and so they trample it all down to retrieve it...my beautiful plants are all dead now because of them...I am so angry...I hate them...and they get their scooters and ride around on the deck outside my room...stomping and jumping whilst I am trying to take my afternoon nap...they make the whole house shake...the noisy buggers! they make me so angry...I hate them!...I have asked your brother to bring the barbeque in out of the rain for the past WEEK now...he doesn't care...he makes me so angry! I hate him. Everything makes me angry...I hate everything!...ANGER...HATE...ANGER...HATE...HATE.. .HATE...ANGER" and meanwhile, I'm sipping my coffee in Shiva-bliss going; "Is that so?"

It isn't difficult to see why I am like this...honestly!

[Shivani Devi]

...and I mean, of course kids will be kids and they were born to inconvenience adults at the most inopportune of times, often going to great lengths to do so...and you can't stop kids from being totally self-centred in their pursuit of pleasure and some never learn...some will never make it to the whole 'compassion' stage and so, there is only ONE thing they will understand; "okay, so tell me, how much money is it going to cost me, to stop you from treading on my garden or riding your scooters on the deck for a week between the hours of 3-30pm to 5pm?" but mum ain't gonna do that...so, compassion be damned!

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

As unfortunate as it is, I was born lacking the ability to feel sympathy or compassion towards anybody and this is not my fault, yet everybody says it is. ... So, I have had to rely on pure logic, reason and common sense...

Here's a logical/reasonable/common-sense hypothesis:

The issue of 'fault' or 'no fault' which you float is a complete distraction which you continue to use to divert your own and others attention from what's really at issue here-now. You were born and continue to be this way because that was (and since you haven't developed beyond that, at least not much, since then) still is the psychospiritual configuration, or 'gestalt', of your soul, inherited from previous lives. 'Bodies' are essentially just 'instinct'-driven machines. Empathy etc. is a a function of spiritual (i.e. soulful) development.

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

... only to realise that most humans don't rely on those things, because they are too busy feeling sympathy and compassion to be rational or make any sense whatsoever.

This is another distraction (falsehood!) IMO. There are a lot of quite rational and sensible people who feel sympathy and compassion and use their 'reason', 'logic' etc. to navigate and deploy their 'feelings' in said as well as other (unsympathetic and uncompassionate) regards in a positively creative (i.e. 'loving'ly 'aiming' to enhance The Flow of Life) manner. IMO, you are as 'immature' (in terms of soul-development) as U-Know-Who, at least I think you are 'as prone' to not taking responsibility and so 'blaming' others for both the problems you experience and the ones you cause in this regard.

If, and this is a BIG IF -- nothing is set 'in stone' in this regard because 'you' (we all!) are free to 'waste' the opportunity your present physical-and-social nexus, i.e. your present life has made available to, an so 'given' you -- IF you wish to 'develop' (as a soul) I suggest you commit yourself to constructively using your capacity for reason and logic to overrule and discipline your (immature) e-motionality in the foregonig regards. To that end, I recommend you begin by reading the books I mentioned in the thread where I posted images of their back covers with this hoping-to-enlist-your-soul-in-being-more-positively-creative focus. Should you happen to find that you wish to follow up by exploring possiblities in relation to my recommendation, here's a link to that post:

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...9&postcount=46
.