i dont know how to help, my friends dad is dying..

my friend and i have been very close for about two years now. he and his dad have had a bad relationship for years. i began to really dislike his dad and came pretty close to hating him because of how he would treat my friend.
when my friend's dad was younger, his father was abusive to him and died young.
my friend's dad for the whole time i knew him would always start drama over small things, tell my friend he has no friends, theyre just using him, make him feel bad because of his sexuality, treat his friends better than his son, tell him he wont amount to anything, kick him out the house for stupid reasons, throw his stuff on the curb, break his belongings, make fun of his appearance, and just make his son feel terrible whenever he was home. so many times ive wanted to scream at him, but couldnt. if i did, he would yell back, my friend would get angry, and he and his dad would most likely end up in a fist fight. ive seen him cry over his relationship with his dad many times.

then all the sudden recently, he was rushed to the hospital. they say he needs a heart transplant and if he doesnt get it, wont have long to live.
i admit, when i heard this news, i didnt care about his dad's well being at all. i thought to myself "this is karma. maybe if you werent such a hateful father, this wouldnt of happened. maybe you shouldve learned from your own father." i still have no sympathy at all for his dad, but i hate seeing how its effecting my friend. he feels like its his fault for putting stress on his dad, when really his dad was the main reason for all the drama.

since this happened, he and his dad's relationship seems to have gotten 100% better. but its really hurting my friend to see his dad so scared and in bad condition.
im totally lost on how to help him. all i can ever say is "he'll be ok, people are praying for him, this is just a struggle you guys have to get through, itll make you guys stronger in the end"
maybe all this happened to give his dad some common sense, but the lesson is learned now. nothing good can come out of it anymore, and hes still dying. what can i possibly say or do to make things better?

will everyone please send love and comfort to them both?

i saw a candle on the internet that was supposed to call forth an angel and invoke a miracle. ive been getting into candle meditation lately, and was going to try this for my friend and his dad.
ill have to put my dislike for his dad aside. it sounds bad, but i really dont care about his health. i wouldnt be doing this if it werent for my friend. but i hate to see him like this, so i want to send as much love, healing, and inspiration to both of them as i can.

I think your Candle Ritual is a great idea.

While perfoming it--place your thoughts on the positive effect this serious illness has had upon their relationship and how it has afforded your friend's father a chance to grow as an individual and become a better person.

This illness is the catalyst that brought about this change and
(eventhough it will be very painful)--if the change is lasting--
then it was well worth the price.

Remember...we all must take this journey--eventually--
and what a wondeful thing it is that they had this opportunity
to embrace one another before it was too late.

Peace and Love on your path to helping others to Heal...

Blessed be...

[Xan]

alyssa... It sure sounds to me like time for forgiving, on everyone's part.

Forgiving means you're willing to let go of the past, for no other reason than you no longer want to carry it all along with you into the future.


Xan

Originally Posted by Xan

alyssa... It sure sounds to me like time for forgiving, on everyone's part.

Forgiving means you're willing to let go of the past, for no other reason than you no longer want to carry it all along with you into the future.


Xan

your comment made me tear up, because its absolutely true.
is there a chance that im prohibiting the emotional or physical recovery because of my feelings towards his dad?
i never speak about it except once to my mom, but one thing this website has taught me is the power of the mind and intention. whenever my friend talks to me about this, i hurt for him but in the back of my mind still have some happiness that his dad is having a hard time.
i just get so angry when people mistreat the ones i love. when i see people hurt others with no regards to their emotions, it just brings out the dark side of me i guess, to where i enjoy the pain they receive as karma. and im thinking i shouldnt be doing that, even though to me my reasons seem justified.
when my friend was little, he was molested by his older friend at church, and thats caused significant damage to him that plays a big part in his life today. for a while i contemplated dabbling into dark magick to make his life miserable, just like he's done to my friend. once i told him about this though, he told me he didnt want me to, and that was enough for me to decide against it. it wouldve only been that one time, and i was aware of possible consequences, but i didnt care. ive gained common sense though, im glad i didnt dabble in it and never will.

[Xan]

Feeling angry when someone you care about who is hurt by another is natural, but when you hold on to it, it helps no one.

Forgiving is a power for releasing and healing, with no guarantees about what will happen for him as that is part of his life journey.

alyssa... In your forgiving, and your friend's too if he's willing, it's important to also forgive yourself.


Xan

Originally Posted by Xan

Feeling angry when someone you care about is hurt by another is natural but when you hold on to it, it helps no one.

Forgiving is a power for releasing and healing, with no guarantees about what will happen for him as that is part of his life journey.

alyssa... In your forgiving, and your friend's too if he willing, it's important to also forgive yourself.


Xan

very true.. my staying angry at his dad isnt going to help anything. might as well try to use this energy positively.
finally discussing and observing the situation has left me feeling strange. sad, but at the same time ok. ill cry for a second, then stop. i guess its my body responding to the sudden insight of what i need to do.. let go of my anger and try to heal.. and also how i guess ive been pretty selfish, petty, wrong, and stupid for not doing this earlier.

[Xan]

alyssa... It sounds like your good self-awareness and your caring are going deeper. Good work!


Xan

[Emmalevine]

(((((Alyssa))))))

I have to say...you are a great friend.

[Native spirit]

Alyssia,

Your friends dad learnt his behaviour from his dad,if it doesnt stop now it will go on and on,all you can do is to be there for your friend, you dont have to think anything of his dad, but being angry only harbours hate and more anger, you need to let it go.
you are a true friend and one who really cares about your friends, this is something your friend and his dad have to sort out between themselves, just be there for your friend,


Namaste

Originally Posted by Native spirit

Alyssia,

Your friends dad learnt his behaviour from his dad,if it doesnt stop now it will go on and on,all you can do is to be there for your friend, you dont have to think anything of his dad, but being angry only harbours hate and more anger, you need to let it go.
you are a true friend and one who really cares about your friends, this is something your friend and his dad have to sort out between themselves, just be there for your friend,


Namaste

i dont understand how he can go through that and then repeat the same actions. they differ some, his father was physically abusive, and he's just mentally/ emotionally abusive. he thinks its ok because 'its his house, he makes the money' blah blah. he'll buy them stuff, but that doesnt make up for the love my friend felt they lacked.
thankfully things have gotten better and hopefully continue that way
but being there for him doesnt feel like enough.. :/