Quote:
Okay basically I just wish I could trust him and not be jealous but I don’t know how..I wish I wouldn’t feel those emotions but I can’t help it and I get so frustrated..that it ends up all I think about until i burst out ...how can I control my jealousy?how can I get rid of it ?how can I just trust ?
|
I have some experience with working through jealousy from opening up my marriage with DH at his request. The following helped me...
First, the really important question... Can you trust yourself to pick up the pieces of a broken heart in the event that at some point you and/or your partner discover/decide that you are not meant to be life partners or the realities of life/death somehow separates you...? If not... start there.
Second, what does your relationship data say? It's one thing to be jealous when your partner doesn't appear to value/prioritize your relationship (especially when expressed calmly by you) and your gut is yelling something is not working. It's another thing to be jealous when your partner is loving you as wonderfully as ever and yet you still feel threatened by women you don't know.
If he washes you with love regularly let the data and your partner assure you and allow yourself to be uncomfortable. Really just sit with it for his benefit. Write it out. Plan a way to reconnect. Watch how he continues to invest in your relationship despite your worst fears. Partners like to feel free rather than controlled and chained so try letting let loose a bit...
Deep down... Why are you triggered by your partner following women on social media? What do you think will happen? Does it bring up insecurities in you and your relationship that need to be healed? Are your relationship needs being met? Are your partners' needs being met? What do your relationship needs look like? Are they reasonable to both you and your partner?
Usually for me... when jealousy showed up with DH it was because I did not communicate a need/desire to DH and did not allow him the opportunity to show up in our relationship. And if I do communicate and he doesn't want to or is unable to show up in our relationship in a way i think I need.... well that's important data to know and understand going forward.
Third, can you reframe your thinking around these "random (threatening to you) girls" ? Maybe they are interesting and unique individuals who enrich your partner's life in ways that can actually benefit you too? The more I am able to find ways of appreciating people that trigger my jealousy the less I am ruffled... Plus, when DH feels free to be himself and have friends and acquaintances without fear he is happier and more balanced in our relationship.
I prefer the opt in model for loving and relating... No partner of mine is required or duty bound to cut off contact with the feminine world at large (let alone inspiring, curious and fascinating women) for my benefit. The way I see it... If my relationship with my partner is so weak that "random" people in the world are able to derail our love and connection then let me know this now!!!