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19-01-2018, 11:42 PM
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Suspended
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,619
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Quote:
Originally Posted by linen53
It's only possible, in my experience, if one of you is already committed to someone else. If both are free and unattached assumptions are often made. "Your single, I'm single, why, we could hook up."
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Not every man is like that, btw it takes two to tango, you can't just blame the guy if you are also banging him too, seem like some women think every man is just a dumb creature who only thinks of sex, sports and food.. but its not true.
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20-01-2018, 04:50 AM
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Master
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,743
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You sound like me in my head lol
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I'm not at all in any space for a relationship and told him this as he dropped hints of 'im at the point in life i just want to live it with someone by my side' and im not at that point at all.
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Tbh I recently just thought we could be 'friends' with someone and attracted a brute force who wants nothing sort of a friendship at all. I felt conflicted that we could enjoy a good connection without being lovers, but oh well.... I think from now onwards if a guy drops hints, I am just going to run. Better be safe and alone lol.
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20-01-2018, 11:49 AM
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Experiencer
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: England
Posts: 268
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature Grows
Not every man is like that, btw it takes two to tango, you can't just blame the guy if you are also banging him too, seem like some women think every man is just a dumb creature who only thinks of sex, sports and food.. but its not true.
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This.
We're not all lecherous imbeciles.
If anything, I find the few female friends I have open up more to me than their actual female friends! They trust me more
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20-01-2018, 08:24 PM
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Master
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,087
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature Grows
Not every man is like that, btw it takes two to tango, you can't just blame the guy if you are also banging him too, seem like some women think every man is just a dumb creature who only thinks of sex, sports and food.. but its not true.
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That's the sad part, that you or anyone would assume that if you're having sex, that you're just banging. Many times, the default assumption by many women would be I care for/love him and that's why I have sex with him. And many times, those women hope the men feel likewise.
Often, the men will speak of mutually consenting sex but not of love. When in reality none of us know what the other has consented to. We only know whether our own intentions are/were honourable. We only know if we brought authentic love to the moment, or if we were trying to pretend we were just animals fulfilling our urges. As if our humanity, our hearts, and our spirits aren't always present, permeating the physical at all times.
I have to say...I'm glad you're speaking up to say all men aren't mindless animals. But it should never be IMO about consent or the act taking two. Historically a man just has had no idea what naive hopes and dreams the woman may have had in her mind when having sex, hoping he deeply cared or loved her. And likewise it's still foolish for a woman to think a man cares because he wants to have sex, perhaps long term even. The more we treat sex as "an act" to be gratified mindlessly, the more this applies to all...where some women become predatory not because they crave sex like most men, but to use sex for power. And the more likely men who do care will be burned by continuing to assume a woman cares because she has sex.
Basically, this is more and more is an extremely foolish assumption for men too, in the 21st century. So when men go for easy sex, they basically are still screaming I don't care and I don't take you seriously. Now it is becoming equally wise to assume may also be the case for women these days, as well. Bottom line...they may be naive or heartfelt or they may be totally predatory. But in either case, either you too are predatory or you too are enabling the predator, whether you are male or female. This system doesn't work anymore because men can no longer assume they are getting a woman's naive heart. And women are realising that the assumption that they too are expected to be predatory -- to engage in the perfunctory act of sex without love -- is killing a woman's beautiful heart. Men should be allowed to discover their innocent heart and feel their emotions safely, and women shouldn't have to kill off their innocent heart and pimp themselves out just to date men. Women should also be able to retain their innocent heart and continue to feel their emotions safely.
This is why IMO I think no one should have sex without authentic love. Take time to know and love each other as people. Bring a meaningful commitment to the act of sex because you love one another as people and as souls and thus you deeply desire each other.
Not just the passing lust or fancy men speak of... but a long term burning fire of desire. Whilst wanting their best always, equally to your own.
Peace & blessings
7L
__________________
Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.
Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.
For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way
and become themselves despite all opposition.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke
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20-01-2018, 10:07 PM
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Master
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 14,332
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I said "assumptions are often made" in post number 8, and if you read post number 5 I said, "Sorry guys who read this. Not all men. Just some."
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21-01-2018, 12:28 AM
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Suspended
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,619
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 7luminaries
That's the sad part, that you or anyone would assume that if you're having sex, that you're just banging.
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umm.. did you see the person i quoted? they said "just hooking up, why we should hook up because you are single an i am single" or something like that, banging is another word for that, it's just word to say the same thing..... maybe you should tell the person i quoted off too because they are the one who said it first and i was just quoting them..? maybe... huh..? 7luminaries. Don't try make me say something i didn't... please.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7luminaries
Many times, the default assumption by many women would be I care for/love him and that's why I have sex with him. And many times, those women hope the men feel likewise.
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I get that, i think it's sad when one person thinks theres something there but not the other. But there are other reason why a woman could have sex with a guy, shes just horny, she wants his money, her boyfriend has annoyed her, trying to manipulate the guy or what ever else.. what you have said is not the case every time, just saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7luminaries
Often, the men will speak of mutually consenting sex but not of love. When in reality none of us know what the other has consented to. We only know whether our own intentions are/were honourable.
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I understand what you mean, they could have different ideas in mind, yea.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7luminaries
Historically a man just has had no idea what naive hopes and dreams the woman may have had in her mind when having sex, hoping he deeply cared or loved her. And likewise it's still foolish for a woman to think a man cares because he wants to have sex, perhaps long term even. The more we treat sex as "an act" to be gratified mindlessly, the more this applies to all...where some women become predatory not because they crave sex like most men, but to use sex for power. And the more likely men who do care will be burned by continuing to assume a woman cares because she has sex.
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Some guys are a clueless about that i guess yea, some just don't care, some struggle with it a bit and others are good at it, the emotional connection i'm talking about, like what you have said here about opening up in the relationship and becoming really good close friends that do really love, appreciate, respect and help each other grow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7luminaries
Basically, this is more and more is an extremely foolish assumption for men too, in the 21st century. So when men go for easy sex, they basically are still screaming I don't care and I don't take you seriously. Now it is becoming equally wise to assume may also be the case for women these days, as well. Bottom line...they may be naive or heartfelt or they may be totally predatory. But in either case, either you too are predatory or you too are enabling the predator, whether you are male or female. This system doesn't work anymore because men can no longer assume they are getting a woman's naive heart. And women are realising that the assumption that they too are expected to be predatory -- to engage in the perfunctory act of sex without love -- is killing a woman's beautiful heart. Men should be allowed to discover their innocent heart and feel their emotions safely, and women shouldn't have to kill off their innocent heart and pimp themselves out just to date men. Women should also be able to retain their innocent heart and continue to feel their emotions safely.
This is why IMO I think no one should have sex without authentic love. Take time to know and love each other as people. Bring a meaningful commitment to the act of sex because you love one another as people and as souls and thus you deeply desire each other.
Not just the passing lust or fancy men speak of... but a long term burning fire of desire. Whilst wanting their best always, equally to your own.
Peace & blessings
7L
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I think having that authentic love connection is better too, if its a real one, and what you said about the guys an there emotions is good too i guess... im a guy i can be pritty emotional.. my emotions can be quiet intense and strong and beautiful, and yes i can get into the state where they just flow through if i want to or feel the need, but also at the same time as being very emotional i can also be quiet stoic... so yea.. i don't know what else to say really but thanks for sharing 7luminaries.
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21-01-2018, 12:42 AM
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Suspended
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,619
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Quote:
Originally Posted by linen53
I said "assumptions are often made" in post number 8, and if you read post number 5 I said, "Sorry guys who read this. Not all men. Just some."
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Im sorry linen53 i missed it.
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21-01-2018, 01:35 AM
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Master
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 2,345
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NG. i'd feel safe with you as my mate. id know i can sit and have a BBQ with you without you making a pass. i'd be comfortable (until you start to BBQ kangaroo)
i don't like agendas. someone wanting to be around you for a reason.
if there is no other reason than to just chill, laugh, and be my friend, then im all good with you.
if i dont give up what their agenda wants and i don't see them again. its no loss and helps me see who stands by me as a true friend.
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21-01-2018, 04:02 AM
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Master
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,743
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Quote:
i don't like agendas. someone wanting to be around you for a reason.
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That's a really bad feeling, but it's good to be aware than not aware. Mostly people get hurt in relationships because they aren't.
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21-01-2018, 07:04 AM
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Master
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,743
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Quote:
I have to say...I'm glad you're speaking up to say all men aren't mindless animals. But it should never be IMO about consent or the act taking two. Historically a man just has had no idea what naive hopes and dreams the woman may have had in her mind when having sex, hoping he deeply cared or loved her. And likewise it's still foolish for a woman to think a man cares because he wants to have sex, perhaps long term even. The more we treat sex as "an act" to be gratified mindlessly, the more this applies to all
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In some of my interactions, I often notice women variously hold very innocent views about relationships, it's almost naive. Many times people are very aware what promises / false hopes they are giving to their another in order to get something.
It's like one moment its all love/ wooing and then next as if it was nothing.
For most women, sex solely is not an act of love. I don't think men are all that innocent when it comes to pursuing a lady. Between two adult people, it's never innocent after first interactions.
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