Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
I don;t know how long you've been relating - but if you're arguing already (rather than sorting out differences and compromising) you haev no love-based relationship, just one of selfish convenience. Things are always good during early dates then once some checkpoint is reached, usually sex which comes with expectations of commitment, the underlying people emerge.
This emotional to-and-froing is never healthy. A love that you'd LOVE to believe in but isn't, just ties you to earth and the material.
You need to know someone very deeply before you can trust verbal promises. Words are waffle and the traps are always in the small print. Trust and promises is about the deeds you see done not words.
You should never have to work hard at a relationship. If it doesn't just flow it's not worth it. Doesn't mean there won't be some hiccups but you have to deal with those before the day is out - before you go to sleep of a night.
♥
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Yer well said Lorelyen...agreed full stop with the bold especially!
And one more thing...you need to know someone very deeply and share an authentic love for one another before you can have sex that isn't utilitarian.
To the OP: I'm so sorry for your troubles. It sounds like everyone's blood is up right now...perhaps you can sort things when you're both a bit calmer.
Here's my follow-on to Lorelyen's thoughts:
If you want to be more than a piece of meat to the other person, or a nice bit of fluff at best, then you need to mutually know and authentically love one another. It's true that words don't mean anything for those who lack maturity or integrity. And to Lorelyen's point, it takes time to discern who you've got there on the other end.
But for those who possess both maturity and integrity, words mean a great deal. If you or they cannot speak your heart ("I love you", or "I'm sorry I hurt you with what I did/said") simply and sincerely, then you've got a nearly insurmountable roadblock to a sustainable friendship, much less a partnership of any depth.
Bottom line, if you don't know someone well enough to say these words freely and with your whole heart behind them -- and the same goes for them -- then you're betting against the house when you have sex with them. And we know you never win when you bet against the house...it's only a matter of time till you lose.
Peace & blessings all
7L
__________________
Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.
Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.
For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way
and become themselves despite all opposition.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke