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Originally Posted by bluebird21
All I saw was God when I looked at others, so appropriateness was not on my mind.
Anyways, now I'm left in this depressed state. I feel afraid to FEEL after all, simply allowing and feeling what I feel is what blew my mind open. I am looking forward to what my teacher has to say. It sucks being afraid to feel this infinite tender heart of mine.
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This is a phase, it too will pass. During the blown open phase we FEEL SO MUCH that when we can we shut down, its almost a survival mechanism, a way to get back in control again, a way to digest all we've been through - a time of integration.
Soon enough you'll let yourself feel again, when it's time.
I got afraid I couldn't feel after that wild roller coaster ride of extreme emotions for months on end (nearly 4 years actually), so I watched a few sad love story type movies. Ha! Boy could I feel! Half a box of Kleenex later I was back in emotional equanimity.
Test it. (te-he-he) Is it really true you can't feel?
Then play with the idea that now that you are more conscious you are controlling your minds reactions to outside stimuli more often and also don't take things near as seriously, are more Present Moment and as such don't personalize things. The brain, ever the worry-wart, says OH No! I'm not experiencing emotions! May Day!!! May Day!!
LOL
Get a few types of emotional movies, heart soaring ones that make you love humanity, sad love stories, coming of age stories and so on. Then tell me if you still can't feel emotions.
Then reevaluate what you are actually experiencing. Are you truly depressed or knowing internal peace for the first time? Or something else? Or is the brain just throwing craps trying to determine what it is feeling because its a life time habit of having feelings but these days nothing sticks very well any longer and when it does it doesn't last long. Emotions flit by like thoughts, profound for a few moments, then balance returns and peace are back again...perhaps?
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