How do you stop wanting romance?

[Albalida]

Originally Posted by Emvee

The reason why I want to stop wanting romance is because...

Ah, but that wasn't the question. You already know that you don't want to want it, and don't need to justify yourself (although your reasons for not wanting to want are also interesting to examine.)

The question was, why do you want romance?

Wanting romance is very common, but I wouldn't say that it's natural in that people will hit puberty and want it and-- that's it there's nothing more complicated than that. It can be complicated, actually. You can sift through your personal complication, or... you can manage it the way that you always have been.

Like what's been said already,
there's nothing wrong with wanting romance and the need to be loved.
Love will come along when it comes along.
There is no need to stop this,
it's just one of the spices in life we just experience when it does.
When you learn more about your self/soul and where we eventually end up -
to be one back to our source, you'll understand the yearning laying underneath it all.
Don't worry about boyfriends, just look after yourself
and just work on yourself - get as lovely as you would like to be and just see

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

There's a lot of wisdom in these posts Emvee.
Realising that "fighting my desires increases the frustration" is a major
step toward making peace with yourself [because your desires are of you and for you].
I figure that most problems that people experience with low self esteem stem from "comparison".
The cure is to stop comparing; stop competing; and release the judgments that you've made against yourself -- love yourself.

I don't have any advice to give but I totally feel the same way OP

That is an easy one, the way to stop from wanting it is to have it. The grass is always greener and those in relationships want out and those who are out want in. The way to let go of wanting it is to have it, then after a few years you will be wondering why you wanted it in the first place. When I was single I prayed for a relationship but once I was in one for a few years I prayed I to get out. Kinda like the Meatloaf song "paradise by the dashboard light" I was praying for the end of time, so I could end my time with her. Yeah sure there will be those out there saying that is cynical perspective, but that is until they get fooled around on or betrayed and hurt in another way. People will always do what is best for them and it is just a matter of time till they see you as standing in the way of that. If you are the one who loves, and nurtures, and respects, then you will get hurt. You will most likely draw the equal opposite type of person (selfish, cold and disrespectful) who will use you up and spit you out. There is no perfect thing in life where happiness lies. A relationship will not solve your problems, it will just present a whole new set of them. The trick is to realize there is no happy place in this life, and once you do you can give up the chase and find the acceptance for where you are now. It might not be exciting or happy but it is more peaceful.

It is funny that people think that being in love is some magical thing that will make them happy. When in reality it is just another form of addiction. You are drawn to the things in the other person you lack in yourself and together you form a whole and complete person. You are drawn to the equal opposite personality traits you have repressed in yourself. For example I was overly responsible, and loyal, and trustworthy so who did I go out with someone who was the opposite of all that. What drew me too her in the first place is what drove me nuts by the end. As a very responsible person some one who was spontaneous and carefree was very attractive, but that was until creditors started calling and my perfect credit rating was going lower and lower because of her irresponsible actions, and then she fooled around on me because she didn't think about it at the time. What drew me originally is what made me dislike her by the end. People do not know that is how it works and as such think it is some magical fix that will bring them happiness. And yes that (happiness fix) is how it will feel at first, until reality kicks in. You show me a happy couple after they have been together for a few years and I will show you people living a lie. If I had a nickle for every time I heard a person say they are in a great relationship to only get dumped the next week or have the other person fool around on them I would be rich. If you think you are happy I can almost guarantee the person you are with isn't but isn't telling you how they really feel. It always comes down to a battle for needs and control to get the needs met, and if you are winning the battle you will think you are in happy relationship, but if you are loosing you will not see it the same way and there is always someone winning and loosing in every relationship that has been together for a few years or more.

I go through periods of not wanting love all the time. I'm in that period right now. It's usually after a disappointment. I rarely ever go looking for love, it always finds me. I'm constantly approached and turning men away. With each disappointment my wall gets harder to penetrate. I'm big on self-love and taking time to heal after a breakup. It annoys me that most men don't take this approach. It seems they are always bringing baggage from past relationships into a relationship with me when I've always taken the time I've needed for myself to not do this.

I'm going through a transition phase where a relationship right now would be an unwelcome distraction. There are a lot of great things that come with being single and happy about being single. I feel it's a wonderful state to be in and once it's mastered you have a better chance of attracting and maintaining a healthy relationship as opposed to being a person who feels like they need to be in love to be happy.

[Emvee]

'You are drawn to the equal opposite personality traits you have repressed in yourself.'

That is so true! During my last year of high school I got really obsessed with a guy & I didn't understand why I wanted him so badly. I hated him, yet wanted him at the same time. And I hated myself for developing an unhealthy obsession. He was eveything I wasn't : confident, sure of himself, outgoing...I on the other hand was a wallflower, barely got noticed, low self esteem.

I notice how I always develop crushes on guys I can never have. I like them because they have something I want, confidence, pride, self esteem. I'm stopping it now . I'm focusing on myself...I'm trying to develop self esteem and confidence so I can one day attract those outgoing guys...Because if I continue to stay like this, I won't attract guys...AT ALL

[Belle]

Emvee, that sounds really positive, your journey or life time is so largely based about having a relationship with yourself, finding your place in the world as you and from there you can take it to the next level perhaps.

[figaromelting]

Originally Posted by Belle

Emvee, that sounds really positive, your journey or life time is so largely based about having a relationship with yourself, finding your place in the world as you and from there you can take it to the next level perhaps.

I've written a poem which I think might interest you - on this subject:

http://eleanorleech.tumblr.com/post/...24/love-within