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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #21  
Old 27-04-2011, 01:40 AM
Perspective Perspective is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lightworker
I too agree that todays society is a throw away society and I too stayed and have persisted for so long because I know marriage is hard work, and anything worth having won't come easy, but where do you draw the line? Why should people be miserable 6 days out of 7? In saying all of this, he is a caring dad (even though he chooses not to go out of his way much) and he is a good man deep down but I want to spend my life helping people as much as i can, learning as much as i can and most importantly loving as much as i can and he doesn't, it's that simple.
Hi Lightworker,
I've been thinking about this - a lot lately, mostly because I can relate so much.
What you ask, about where do you draw the line... is a good question.
There are lots of things to consider... What do you want from a relationship? Is it realistic to what most men have to offer? Men & women think differently & often express love differently. Maybe your husband's way of showing love is by providing for you & your children. Maybe your "love language" is different - so both of you feel unloved, even though you both have tried to show love. It just wasn't understood/felt as love.

Sometimes I wonder if I put too much importance on romance... I mean, yes, it's an enjoyable part of life - but it's not everything. And once the fantasy wears off, it's definitely roses... thorns & all!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lightworker
Hello everyone,
I thought i'd give you an update.
We went to a friends party on the weekend, which he didn't want to go to, but went anyway. He got blind drunk, was really rude (like normal) to all our friends and when we got home he told me I am pathetic for having a dance with our 15 year old daughter, like i was trying to be 15 again, it was one song for goodness sake! He said it's time i grew up and realised that life is not about fun, and to adjust to being an adult. We never go anywhere or do anything, I dance to one song and I need to grow up?
I left a physically abusive relationship when i was 18, and that has given me alot of baggage to get over in my life because I loved that boy so deeply & couldn't understand how he could love me so beautifully most days and punch me in the head on another day.
I realised while lying in bed listening to my husband tell me i'm pathetic and need to grow up, and had a light bulb moment (thanks Oprah!) that this relationship is no different to the last violent relationship i had, except this man doesn't hit me. When he is sober he can be quite nice and loving at times and then he gets drunk and says some of the meanest things (one night he told me he doesn't think our kids are really his! and our kids heard this) and he wakes up and doesn't remember anything he says. I remember it all, and it is so confusing, for my heart and my head, and i'm sure it's confusing to the kids. He says he is so sorry and he didn't mean it & it won't happen again, and it still happens everytime we go out. I have asked him not to drink when we do go out and then everything is ok, but he says i'll just have a few and before i know it he's off his face and being rude to everyone. It's gotten to the point where i feel i can't go anywhere with him publicly. He is isolating me with everyone we know because they don't want him at their parties etc.
Sounds frustrating & hurtful.
If you get a chance, inconspicuously video record him next time he gets drunk - then play it back to him when he's sober. It might help you detach & also help him realize how he's behaving like a "Richard Cranium." And about you dancing - you go girl! He's just playing his inner recording (that he feels about himself)- to you. You have it right - to dance, laugh, live it up & enjoy the light within you - any chance you get!!
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  #22  
Old 01-05-2011, 05:13 AM
Spring1988
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Lightworker, I am a man in the same boat as you. I'd leave but I'm not financially prepared (got laid off last year) to do so and I know my wife would try to destroy me. Sounds harsh but she is deluded into thinking we have a good marriage. She and I have absolutely nothing in common. When I left her a few years ago, she kept my kids from me for two months. I couldn't stand that and went back. Biggest mistake I ever made in my life.

It is no good being married to someone you don't love. And to make matters worse, NY wife is an so-and-so. We got married too young and for all the wrong reasons. But when you throw children in the mix, it makes it extremely difficult to make up your mind and stick to it.

My wife tells me often that she would try her best to destroy my life if I ever left her again. Judging by her past actions, I believe she'll give it her best at doing so too.

I say leave him and never look back. Your kids will thank you for it when they get older.


Edited by SF Staff

Last edited by Kaere : 01-05-2011 at 05:31 PM.
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  #23  
Old 01-05-2011, 07:06 AM
Scibat
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Color

I've always wanted to say this, and this time it seems appropriate:

You need to ditch that zero and get yourself a hero!

Not being disrespectful to your plight Lightworker, just felt like expressing my 2-cents on the subject in a more lighthearted fashion.
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  #24  
Old 01-05-2011, 05:27 PM
lightworker
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SO funny Scibat, i love it! Spring1988, i feel your despair, at least my husband wouldn't try to destroy me, it sounds like your wife would make things pretty hard for you if you left. I suppose getting a family lawyer would be out of the question for you if you've been laid off, if you could get visitation custody of your children, she couldn't keep them from you surely. What kind of person would want to keep their children from their father (unless there's violence of course, but if your a member of this forum that would be highly unlikely:)
I keep getting messages from my spirit guides telling me "if i want change, change it!" easier said than done! I am going to leave, i've made up my mind, i just have to sort a few things out. I know now that my kids will be fine, i don't know how i know that, intuition i guess.
I had a terrible day last friday, was a blubbering mess all afternoon, i even went for a walk and had an out loud talk with the angels, and asked for help. I felt so desperate! Since then i've had a real sense of calm and a knowing that it's time for our lives to go seperate ways, and everything will be ok.
Thanks Angels & guides!
I feel if we look upon the situation with love and light (i know it's hard sometimes when the people your dealing with are spiteful) our lives will turn out ok, no not ok, GREAT!!!
I'm feeling really positive now, bring on my new HAPPY life!
PS: Thankyou all for your advice, it is really appreciated, love to you all ^j^
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  #25  
Old 02-05-2011, 07:21 AM
OceanWaves19161
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If it helps I just get that its time to go. You need to start some sort of healing journey and I feel he holds you back. I'm told your kids are mature enough not to need him...they will miss him but soon enough they'll be doing their own thing and wont think about it that much apparently. Generally if you don't go willingly when you know it's time to go the universe will make things happen for you which can be infinitely harder.
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  #26  
Old 02-05-2011, 07:35 AM
Gem Gem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lightworker
Hi, I haven't posted on here for years, so i'm a little rusty!

My dilemma is : I have known for 13 years that i'm married to a man that is not my soulmate. I do care for him deeply, I want him to be happy, but I don't particularly like the person he has become (quite negative and mean although decent deep down) also I have a deep nagging feeling that i need to move on to fulfill the life I planned before I came back here.

We have struggled to stay together for all these years, we have seperated twice, once for 9 months (7 years ago) and last year for 6 months, but both times we stayed in contact (more out of habit) and ended up getting back together (I did it mainly for the children).

I was so happy when I was single, I loved life again, joy had returned to my life at all the possibilities, I wasn't being told what to do, what to like, where to go etc anymore, but the kids really missed their dad as we moved 5 hours away and he could only see them every few weeks, which was also really sad for him.

In the end, I gave in to his constant pleas to get back together, things would change etc, but now i've been back for a year and i'm back to feeling the same old feelings I had before I left.

I love him and care for him but we want totally different things out of life and the longer we stay together, the more i feel like i'm dying inside,.

But what about the children, do i stay and keep everything stable and familiar for them and feel joyless and nothing inside (apart from the joy and love I feel for my kids) or do i leave and try and work with my husband to make the shift as comfortable as possible for the kids?
I feel so guilty that i may be doing irrepairable damage to my kids and it stops me from making any decisions.
I'd love to hear your thoughts

I don't really have any thoughts about it, but I wish you and him and the kids every happiness.
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  #27  
Old 02-05-2011, 01:32 PM
Perspective Perspective is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OceanWaves19161
If it helps I just get that its time to go. You need to start some sort of healing journey and I feel he holds you back. I'm told your kids are mature enough not to need him...they will miss him but soon enough they'll be doing their own thing and wont think about it that much apparently. Generally if you don't go willingly when you know it's time to go the universe will make things happen for you which can be infinitely harder.
OceanWaves,
When are kids mature enough not to need their father? Who told you that?
I'd suggest you be careful about who tells you & what - & especially what you believe!
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  #28  
Old 03-05-2011, 06:45 AM
OceanWaves19161
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It was her guides and angels who told me to let her know that. Each persons situation is different. Don't worry I don't take things like that lightly and neither do the ones who are guiding her.
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  #29  
Old 05-05-2011, 09:53 AM
lightworker
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Thanks guys, perspective I think oceanwaves has been misunderstood, I know it doesn't sound very nice that the kids don't need their father, but the truth of the matter is, that while they love their father and always will, he is the type of father that doesn't really involve himself much in their lives, he prefers to be at the pub with his mates, so while they do love him and always will, they can & do get on ok without him in their lives on a daily basis because they have done that all their lives. I asked the kids today how they would feel if me & dad seperated but remained good friends and dad would have them every second weekend (he works away so it's not too much different anyway) and they actually said that they think it's a good idea, that me & dad might be happier if we lived seperately but they really want us to stay friends, and I assured them that i care about their dad very much and i really want him to be happy and that everyone will be happier this way, i'm sure we can make this an amicable split, we need to remember the kids are the most important issue here, and we still care about each other, just can't live together anymore, I think your message was spot on oceanwaves but i also thank you perspective for your advice too. love & light
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  #30  
Old 07-05-2011, 02:17 AM
LadyVirgoxoxo LadyVirgoxoxo is offline
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I think your solution is lovely and hope the best for you and your family
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