Healing a relationship?

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

i suggest that you have inner guidance available to you.
i suggest that it's readily available and not something you need to search for.
i imagine that your "natural state" is peaceful, and that joy grows from there.
anything which feels discordant to your peaceful nature triggers your
inner guidance, and it messages you with an emotional cue.
the triggering events may be things unseen to your physical senses
(such as when Obi-Wan Kenobi felt a disturbance in the force).

you don't need to "put your foot down" in an external sense of things...
the boundaries you need to set aren't outside of you... you do not need
to require that people exhibit some particulars of behavior in order to
find satisfaction in your life. you only need to become aware of your
inner sense of well-being, and to remain cognizant of it's presence
during troubling situations.

what people think of as weaknesses are often strengths; disguised.
to be "very sensitive" seems a good thing to me. it means that you
are exceptionally receptive to certain information. for you to "easily
take in negativity" also seems quite beneficial to the world at large:
it means that you've absorbed those energies and removed them
from the atmosphere, which protects others from having to experience
those destructive things. the problem seems to be your thinking that
you need to "process" them... you can channel those energies to
Source, and allow them to be "processed" there. [perhaps directing
them into Gaia, as an intermediary, is more to your liking.]

happy mothers day

Horace, very nice advice but respectfully, I wanted to comment on your interpretation here and how it struck me.
And it is those thoughts I wanted to share...because in our current social environment and at this time and place, I thought they might be worth sharing for further discussion.

When I read this, it struck me initially (and thus probably incorrectly, granted) as sounding like an artificial separation of the internal and external being and way of being, as we commonly understand them. It almost reads on first pass IMO as a call to be one way internally whilst (it could be understood as) being another way externally. Which I feel is not where I myself would want to be in relation to my centre, and it strikes me as a betrayal and a deception if I were to choose it for myself.

Those I know and have spoken to desire authenticity in all realms...and we feel a strong desire and rightness in -- at the very least -- bringing authenticity to our most private spheres of influence and engagement, where many of us but especially many if not most women have finally begun only in recent decades to manifest their truth, their voice, and their spiritual integrity en masse. That is, where we are finally trying to find our voices and our feet and align our centres with our lived, manifested reality with conscious agency and ownership.

I realise this is surely not at all be your intention , to call us to a dual life that consciously lack integrity (LOL). I'm just speaking to what could be easily misinterpreted by some...because of the longstanding dualism of the old ages of our human history, and the way all humanity have been living in all times past up through the present, still, for many. Many are here now but consciously choose not to live manifestly day-to-day from their centre. Rather than engaging and grappling with weaknesses and vulnerabilities and iniquities and building (on the one hand) strength and courage and a burning love of truth and (on the other hand) compassion, forgiveness, generosity, and a burning love of love.

In reality, there is no true separation of "out there" and "in here" and there is a daily manifestation of who we are (that is, a practical, concrete expression day-to-day), when we live from our centre. And so more than ever, there is no point in calling anyone to a dual life unless there is a gun to their head (so to speak) and all agency and meaningful free will is lacking. Finally, we have all arrived at the moment for awakening and for ownership and for authentic love-- and thank God, we can't go home again

Because we inter-are with one another, and we certainly do interact with those closest to us, your recommendations might seem vague and confusing to many. No man or woman is an island, no matter the cultural narrative that promotes this. It's all in the balance between thee and me, and that's both internal and external, as we commonly understand these to be.

Thanks in advance for letting me share my thoughts regarding a possible misinterpretation of your words, one which might be all too common in our here and now.

Peace & blessings
7L

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

thanks for this opportunity to share some of my thoughts 7luminaries.
i agree that unity is real, and i advocate for understanding that reality.
there are also illusions, and mistaken understandings.
i don't wish to empower shadows nor establish artificial lines of separation.
what i see as the main difficulty for most people is the (artificial) idea that
we are lacking in some important ingredient. the idea that there is something
"out there" which is vital to our health and wholeness has caused all manner
of mayhem throughout the centuries. (we are one people, whose forms are
the substance of a single planet -- there is no gain to be had from taking
something from another and depriving them of it.) as i see it, the fallacious
thought is that "out there" has any existence at all; there is no substance
to creation beyond creation; "outside" of all is nothing.

i think that we're in basic agreement on what constitutes truth.
i wish that i could express myself better.

[kindheart]

Oh, well it looks like I interpreted that passage differently from the both of you! I interpreted it as: once I set personal, internal boundaries for myself (self respect, for instance, or thoughts that help promote a feeling of well being) all the while trying to withold judgment of myself and others, then external boundaries will set themselves as a result (more easily anyway, as there will then be congruence between internal and external environments). I'm not sure if it makes sense to you! What makes sense in my head doesn't always translate well in written form :p

[Golden Eagle]

Originally Posted by kindheart

Hi there,
I wondered if any of you has ever had success with healing someone else's psychological issues and/or romantic relationship issues? Some form of meditation I could use to heal my significant other with my thoughts and visualizations? He has major anger and addiction issues, which causes him (and us) great grief and we fight about it a lot. He hates how it affects him, his life and us, but he doesnt feel confortable opening up to a therapist, plus he finds negative emotions and the perception of criticism so hard to face that he doesnt tolerate talking about his feelings and problems. It affects me deeply also, but i find it hard to let him go, especially that there is a child (his son) in the picture.

Any advice, guided healing meditations (do they work?!!) would be so appreciated! I feel like im at the end of the road, but also hate to give up hope :(
Thank you so much

ACCEPT all as it is!

You can only HEAL through ACCEPTING all as it is ~~~

Then maybe just maybe ....... he will CHOOSE on his own to drop some of those habits ........ but consider if he is MODERATE in the use of anything at all ..... that is WELL for the time being ~

You also NEED to BOTH have TIME APART ! It is HEALTHY for any relationship to have SPACE apart ...... at least one day ....preferably 2 days each week .... if a child is involved....... one day you pick for just you and allow him a day to pick of his own for himself.

Paul Ferrini wrote a great book on Spiritual Relationships ..... not many great relationship books out there!

[kindheart]

Originally Posted by Golden Eagle

ACCEPT all as it is!

You can only HEAL through ACCEPTING all as it is ~~~

Then maybe just maybe ....... he will CHOOSE on his own to drop some of those habits ........ but consider if he is MODERATE in the use of anything at all ..... that is WELL for the time being ~

You also NEED to BOTH have TIME APART ! It is HEALTHY for any relationship to have SPACE apart ...... at least one day ....preferably 2 days each week .... if a child is involved....... one day you pick for just you and allow him a day to pick of his own for himself.

Paul Ferrini wrote a great book on Spiritual Relationships ..... not many great relationship books out there!

Thanks for the tip. Though the CAPS made me a bit nervous, like you're shouting at me, lol. We do spend quite enough time apart though. He's free to hang out with his friends when he wants and so am I. Lately we can mostly only hang out on weekends because he's traveling all over the place for work, which makes it hard to get decent quality time. We do manage to get some good time here and there though.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by kindheart

Oh, well it looks like I interpreted that passage differently from the both of you! I interpreted it as: once I set personal, internal boundaries for myself (self respect, for instance, or thoughts that help promote a feeling of well being) all the while trying to withold judgment of myself and others, then external boundaries will set themselves as a result (more easily anyway, as there will then be congruence between internal and external environments). I'm not sure if it makes sense to you! What makes sense in my head doesn't always translate well in written form :p

my idea is that there is no 'reality' in externals... everything "out there" is
a mere reflection of truth. even at the speed of light, what our eyes perceive
is information from the past... it is not "now" information, and it's therefore
illusionary in it's nature. the truth of things is eternally present, and that
information is known to us from within our own beings.
i highly recommend ceasing all judgments (not merely withholding, but
outright abandoning judgments), since they are designed to separate and
differentiate things from one another [from themselves!]... which is contrary
to uniting things into health and wholeness (which is where peace is found).
i agree with you that the 'external boundaries' will/can set themselves into a
more enjoyable configuration once we stop manipulating those shadow
realities and reconnect more fully with our inner truth(s). the matrix of what
we experience will align itself into something more pleasant when we let it.