Are you a Good Listener?

[CrystalSong]

If you are what do you feel makes you a Good Listener?
What tips or suggestions would you offer for becoming a Good Listener?
What are the top traits of a Good Listener?

(By Good Listener I mean someone who can hear that which the speaker perhaps can't even put their finger on as the root of what they are trying to say, someone who builds a container for others to be able to access things inside themselves and speak them in safety, someone who can, out of the many things said, cut to the most important thing and ask a question around it which brings the whole conversation to a more poignant level.)

[naturesflow]

For me personally its an ongoing mindfulness when it comes to listening. The best practice is with those who are closest to me and direct face to face, meaning where your confronted with a "greater picture" of what is there more aware of it.

Like when my son opens up about his world and I am confronted with things that make my heart sink, or my mind panic, or my worry gets stirred. The listening to him is good practice to let go, let him just be open and share anything he wants too without me "getting involved" in myself and projecting it. Just being really mindful of him and my own attentive listening.


So I guess using him as my prime example, it comes back to being open and hear what is being shared more directly, not infusing the listening with my own issues, more listening to another complete without judgement and acceptance to allow what is offered to be heard more complete. Focus and patience, understanding and mindfulness, non judgment and openness are probably a few aspects that I know support myself for being a better listener.

Another aspect of this is, I only listen to others as I can listen to myself, so I for me, the more open I am to myself, the more open I am to others when it comes to listening.

[Lumin]

I consider myself to be. Cause when I listen I'm mindful, using my intuition and also feel thru the depth to find the root of things.

[winter light]

My thoughts are similar to those of naturesflow and Luminarium but with different words. Hopefully not too many words.

When I am able to listen I can "settle back" and let the information come to me rather than trying to pull information from someone. So avoid going into a pattern of interrogation. That is frequently a problem with people who are close to me. And it can also be an issue when I have some upfront agenda or goal, perhaps unconscious, of what I would like the discussion to accomplish, and I allow it to distract me.

Need to notice when I am getting wound up emotionally and lost in ideas whether they be positive or negative. This is a form of projection where I am seeing my own thoughts rather than hearing what they are saying. At that point I usually have become disconnected and I am not really listening at all. Even when in full agreement this can occur. And the momentum of this is hard to stop. When the other person fades-out it may be a sign that this has occurred.

Once I realize this a "reset" may be needed. I need to get serious and really start listening. It may even be appropriate for me to apply some candor and apologize something like: "I'm sorry I got distracted, what were you saying again about X?", and really mean it and listen carefully this time around. You would be suprised how this brings the other person back and they sometimes go from fading out to lighting up with energy. It is like hitting the "backspace" key so that in the end it is as if the disconnect never happened.

I think it is important to notice the signs when someone is becoming uncomfortable with a line of discussion. At that point step back and be mindful. Consider whether it is best to drop it. It depends on the context of the relationship what is best.

When doing healing work I usually just take the hint that someone does not want to hear something they are not ready for it. I still use the information to direct the work but I choose not to share related insights with them that would trigger distress. Though sometimes it may feel right to ask questions in a circular way so as not to push them but rather only to fill out an incomplete picture of what is needed for the healing work. This needs to be done carefully and takes patience.

Some people I know are almost never present when I talk with them. I can still listen but only if I am in a good place and without expectations so that I can remain detached. So need to prepare before I arrive and also know when it is time to leave.

[markings]

I am.
What is needed?

Putting one's own opinion aside.
Listening to the words used, repeats, inflection, hesitations. How things are said.
Listening to what is missing, what is left out. What would one expect but isn't said?
Small encouragers showing that one listens.
Some paraphrasing of what was said.
When the topic seems to change summarize what has been said before going on.
And most important, when silences occur let the silences be. It is not the listener's job to move the conversation forward.

[CrystalSong]

Naturesflow, Luminarium, winter Light, and markings from your descriptions I believe you must be very good listeners indeed! You have each said what I believe are the hallmarks of truly hearing another person and getting their world are.

I think I forgot a little how to do this when the psychic abilities opened and I could perceive other information through empathic skills, psychic skills, talking with their higher self and so on and so lost the polish on the most common ways of hearing and getting peoples worlds through verbal skills and body language.
However as we are also human too and words, and body language are the most commonly used ways of communicating they remain integral and highly important - skills not to be lost just because so much more information is available via other means. We need to be heard, seen and felt by others in our human form also.

Marking you summed it up nicely, I may even print it out as a concise reminder and keep it in a conspicuous and easily assessable place! Thank you!

Winter light your comment on 'interrogation' really resonated, I've seen this and been in the situation, while the heart of the asker was in the right place, the delivery was uncomfortable and I wouldn't want to do it to anyone else - thanks for this reminder of an important fine point!

Luminarium, thank you for the comment on being mindful, there is a lot to that, it is a practice, one I would benefit from resuming practice of when not in higher states of consciousness. I think I've become to spread out with so much information coming in that mindfulness would help me hold a specific state of consciousness better.

naturesflow you said "Another aspect of this is, I only listen to others as I can listen to myself, so I for me, the more open I am to myself, the more open I am to others when it comes to listening." Thank you for that - there is a real Truth in this. My Higher Self has said the same and that the brain is not always listening to the spirit. It is time to become more integrated again on all levels. Thank you for saying this, it is helpful!

[markings]

To add ...

Open questions, questions which do not have a yes or no answer.

And NEVER start a question with WHY .... start it rather with 'What makes you ...' or 'How come ...'

Why questions are easily experienced as an attack.

[CrystalSong]

Oh those are good ones!

[Lumin]

Crystal Song, mindfulness is very important and I see as a trait of being an empathy and showing empathy. Cause to me mindfulness shows that we are considering the depth of the other’s feelings that are deeper inside of them. So one doesn’t place unneeded judgement onto them, which I feel not only connects you better - it allows you to see and feel things that the other might not be able to do.

[CrystalSong]

I quite agree Luminarium. For about a year I was so mindful, present and plugged in I knew what people were going to say before they dug around inside to find the feeling associated with the body part/chakra which was speaking, and visa versa. But then I seemed to loose track of how to connect like that, not sure why, perhaps other explorations in other ways to perceive people. There's really a lot to experience in 'getting someone's world' and it can happen in so many ways.