How to let go of expectations?

[lilith]

I've just read your posts 7luminaries and I want to thank you. I needed this very much. Love and blessings

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by lilith

I've just read your posts 7luminaries and I want to thank you. I needed this very much. Love and blessings

Love and blessings back atcha Lilith
I'm so glad to have helped in any way.

At least a few very wise men (Kant, and believe it or not, a prior pope who was a huge fan of Kant) have simply stated what many others implicitly or explicitly accepted and knew.

It is the core truth and core lesson of our existence...which is (paraphrased):

"The human being is a good to which the only proper and adequate response is love.”


And by that, I certainly mean authentic love, which actively wills, desires, supports and equally seeks the highest good of ALL.

Peace & blessings
7L

[hellabomer]

I have read all the replies. All of them are quite helpful to read. But the thing is, what if our expectations are not rigid? They are as simple as TWO-WAY COMMUNICATION? What if we want the other person to put some efforts in that friendship or relationship, as we make a lot of efforts as well. Then, is this expectation selfish as well?

We have to honour our truth as well. We can't give and give and the other person would only take without giving (in this case, efforts to maintain the bond with you) anything in return. Then isn't it wrong to be with such a person?

[Baile]

Originally Posted by hellabomer

What if we want the other person to put some efforts in that friendship or relationship, as we make a lot of efforts as well. Then, is this expectation selfish as well?

The word "selfish" is too broad an explanation. The dynamics of every situation are different depending on the specifics of the situation. If two people are in a committed relationship, there is an expectation of commitment... an expectation of willingness to communicate for example. That is not selfish, that is an agreement. Whereas if two people are casual friends, there is less of an expectation of commitment.

The bottom line though, in every interaction, is person A cannot force person B to conform to person A's standards. If person A has unmet expectations and is disappointed, the onus is on them alone to decide what to do about it. And in a committed relationship, that could very well mean ending the relationship.

If you're asking how to let go of basic expectations -- the willingness to put effort into the relationship; to engage in honest, open communication -- while still remaining in a committed relationship, I would say you're asking the wrong question. The question you should be asking is why would you choose to remain in a relationship that's obviously not all that healthy.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by hellabomer

Expectations are root cause of suffering. Indeed. But it seems so hard to not expect anything at all. When we love someone so much, it's natural to want to be loved back. When we do something good for someone close, it's natural for us to want at least acknowledgement (and not being taken for granted). If we prioritize someone, sometimes we can't help but want to hold the same importance in their life, too. But if expectations are wrong, how can I stop expecting these silly things from the people I love?

Expectations can have only two eventualities - disappointment when they are not met or ambivalence when they are.

You need to ask yourself 'why am I doing good for this person?' does it stem from your own insecurity, so that conditions are placed on the action? or are you doing it because you love them and want to show it? If it is the latter, then whether or not they love you back or do a good deed in return or even say 'thank you' becomes irrelevant.

If you feel that you are being 'taken for granted', there is an onus on yourself to decide whether or not you should continue with the action causing you to experience this feeling. Many people don't know what they are missing until it's gone. They may ask "what happened to you? why aren't you doing good anymore?" then you can say "what difference is that making in your life now?'

You can choose to 'not expect anything at all' or just expect any perceivable eventuality, then the unexpected may just occur.

If you like to think or believe you have all bases covered, the universe just loves throwing a curve-ball at you with a 'bet you didn't expect that'. It's happened to me numerous times now...I've lost count.

Also, it doesn't hurt to talk things over with your loved ones about this. Say that you are feeling overworked and underappreciated and your self-esteem needs a boost every now and then because you're getting tired of the whole rut, even though you love them dearly...see what they suggest.

I hope it all works out for you.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

You need to ask yourself 'why am I doing good for this person?'

That's a good point. If a relationship has reached the point where you're asking yourself that question, it's probably already irredeemable. When you fully love and are fully loved back, you never ask questions like that. They never come up. You just love.

[Shivani Devi]

Here's a little tale about expectations and predictability.

When we expect 'bad things' are going to happen to us, they usually become a self-fulfilling prophecy which leads to a somewhat self-indignant tale of sheer predictability.

I used to get annoyed how every time I took a shower, I'd always keep on dropping the soap...over and over...I'd drop the soap.

I could almost place a bet on how many times this would happen during the course of my bathing.

One day (a few months ago), I got into the shower with "so hurry up soap and drop...you know you want to.... c'mon, don't disappoint me now..."

So yes, I dropped the soap...weird thing was, it landed on it's most narrow edge...standing vertical...straight up against the horizontal tiled floor...defying every law of gravitational physics known to man. I was totally perplexed...

Then, I heard a voice say "I bet you never thought soap could be dropped that way though, did you?"

I immediately fell to my knees in the shower, with the water mixing with my tears as they streamed down my face.

I never thought about dropping the soap after that and guess what? I never have after that either.

Just a thought.

[Golden Eagle]

Originally Posted by hellabomer

Expectations are root cause of suffering. Indeed. But it seems so hard to not expect anything at all. When we love someone so much, it's natural to want to be loved back. When we do something good for someone close, it's natural for us to want at least acknowledgement (and not being taken for granted). If we prioritize someone, sometimes we can't help but want to hold the same importance in their life, too. But if expectations are wrong, how can I stop expecting these silly things from the people I love?

Expectations-Demands-Attachment to worldliness ....... all are ego generated ideas and thus FALSE ~

Upon hearing that ego SWITCHES to defiling a Spiritual Awakening and twisting it into just another religion and UN-TRUTH ~

Ego is a LIE! Yet it can wreak havoc for an entire lifetime or many lifetimes ~

How do you loose expectations?

CHOOSE TOO!

Then PRACTICE LETTING GO of each one as it arises ~

Question it!!!

Examine it ~!!

Ask Divine LIGHT be brought upon it!