How to let go of expectations?

[hellabomer]

Expectations are root cause of suffering. Indeed. But it seems so hard to not expect anything at all. When we love someone so much, it's natural to want to be loved back. When we do something good for someone close, it's natural for us to want at least acknowledgement (and not being taken for granted). If we prioritize someone, sometimes we can't help but want to hold the same importance in their life, too. But if expectations are wrong, how can I stop expecting these silly things from the people I love?

[linen53]

Don't worry Life will teach you to not expect anything in return. Or at least, that's what has happened in my life. I was born expecting something/everything in return. To give and reciprocate.

But sticking my hand in to the mousetrap over and over and getting it bitten off taught me not expect anything in return. To focus on giving and if I get something back, fine. If I don't then that's okay to.

That said, I don't cast my pearls among those whose vibration is less than mine. I pick and choose with whom I mingle and associate with. Those whom I deem worthy of my gift of giving.

So it's a balancing act. As you live, you observe, you get hurt you learn, you grow.

[hellabomer]

Originally Posted by linen53

Don't worry Life will teach you to not expect anything in return. Or at least, that's what has happened in my life. I was born expecting something/everything in return. To give and reciprocate.

But sticking my hand in to the mousetrap over and over and getting it bitten off taught me not expect anything in return. To focus on giving and if I get something back, fine. If I don't then that's okay to.

That said, I don't cast my pearls among those whose vibration is less than mine. I pick and choose with whom I mingle and associate with. Those whom I deem worthy of my gift of giving.

So it's a balancing act. As you live, you observe, you get hurt you learn, you grow.

How do you manage to detach yourself from people who have lower vibrations than you?

[Carnate]

Originally Posted by hellabomer

Expectations are root cause of suffering. Indeed. But it seems so hard to not expect anything at all. When we love someone so much, it's natural to want to be loved back. When we do something good for someone close, it's natural for us to want at least acknowledgement (and not being taken for granted). If we prioritize someone, sometimes we can't help but want to hold the same importance in their life, too. But if expectations are wrong, how can I stop expecting these silly things from the people I love?

I've got a lot of different perspectives on life, and a lot of people aren't ready to understand them, let alone accept them... I've got to be careful how I word things, because it's very easy for people to get the wrong idea. Hope you can work through this..

Expectations of other people in any way are negative. I have no right or authority over anyone else (by this, I mean 'physical person'). This is also true for our partners, children, or anyone we may be perceived (such as legally) to be in a position of authority over. I have no control over my daughter, for example. I have a responsibility to care for her, but I cannot expect her to behave in any way, nor punish her when she doesn't. I can guide and instruct her, and may use forceful words to prevent her actions from causing harm. But I will not (eg) be angry at her for turning the gas on the stove on.

I don't think it's natural to expect someone to 'respond in kind' when I perform some generous action for/towards them. I know that anything I do.. when you boil it down, I'm really doing for me. If I take a bullet for someone else, I'm doing it because I feel a certain way about them... not because they are a certain way. That action is not for them.. It's for me.

When I buy my wife roses, it's not because I'm expecting to get anything in return.. sure, it would be nice. But I do it because I care for her and want her to know that. If you can accept that our actions are purely for the self, then you are more likely to see expectations of other people as being flawed. Why should I get to do something for me, and expect someone else to reward me for it..?

If I start expecting other people to act in specific ways, then I'm surely going to be disappointed when they don't. This creates resentment, and creates a division in terms of how you perceive yourself as being 'better than' or 'more deserving than'... which often causes you to perceive the other person in a negative way. From here, the spiral continues downward..

I often give a specific example of how this works, particularly as most people could relate to this. If my wife cheats on me, I'll be upset and hurt, but I will not be angry at her. I will feel sad that I've been betrayed in some way, but I would still approve of her doing what she feels is right for her. She is in charge of her life, and she will live with any consequences that her actions cause. But I will, in no way, think negatively about her as a result of her actions; because I don't control her, I don't have authority over her.. and I have no right to expect that she behave in a specific way.

[FallingLeaves]

FWIW I also started giving myself the same courtesy I was affording everyone else... that is I don't have to hold myself to any specific way of reacting while I'm letting them be what they are. But that isn't for the faint of heart because the chances it will devolve into the old ways and you forget the entire thing are high...

[linen53]

Originally Posted by hellabomer

How do you manage to detach yourself from people who have lower vibrations than you?

The same as when you pick and choose your own friends.

If someone is attracted to my energy and wants to become friends, I don't automatically reciprocate. I have choices I need to make. Is this person going to drain my energy? Are they going to be on the constant negative? Do they live in constant drama? These are types of people I cannot be around.

To heck with setting an example for my fellow man and bringing up their vibration. I'm way beyond that ideology. I'm not all about saving the world one person at a time.

I'm polite with them, even compassionate. I was where they are once, after all. But incarnating is a personal journey. You learn by your own mistakes not by patterning yourself after someone else. Of course this is all just my conjecture, not trying to push my beliefs of on anyone.

[Melahin]

It sounds like it is the neediness of an outer world response that trips you up.

Here is the deal: there is no outer world, nothing outside you that can fix you. There is only you and what you draw in through the completion of your beingness. So the more you acknowledge the beauty in your self, the more others will acknowledge it. The more you love your self, the more others will show you love. It is all about you and how you relate to yourself. When you relate in a wholesome way to your inner world, your outer experience will be whole, and in that it will fully live up to your every expectations.

Originally Posted by hellabomer

Expectations are root cause of suffering. Indeed. But it seems so hard to not expect anything at all. When we love someone so much, it's natural to want to be loved back. When we do something good for someone close, it's natural for us to want at least acknowledgement (and not being taken for granted). If we prioritize someone, sometimes we can't help but want to hold the same importance in their life, too. But if expectations are wrong, how can I stop expecting these silly things from the people I love?

Hey,

I have one question I ask myself before I do anything, Well almost anything, because I am not all the way expectation-less yet.
Do I do this because I want to do this, or do I expect something in return. As long as I keep doing things because I really want to. It's easier to let go of my expectations.

And there's what Linen53 said. Life will teach you not to expect anything.
I have learned that lesson in a pretty life-shattering way which makes it a little easier for me to deal with t as I had all my expectation taken away in one fell swoop already once.

As for dealing with people with supposedly lower vibrations. First of they are human beings just like you and deserve to be treated as such. That said you don't have to become anybodies friend. If you find that being with someone pulls you down. You have a choice to make. Do you want to be with that person and accept the drop in energy or do you want to steer clear from that person as keeping up your vibrational frequency is more important.
Both are valid choices and only you can make them. There are other options by the way to replenish vibratory drops too.

With Love
Eelco

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by hellabomer

Expectations are root cause of suffering. But if expectations are wrong, how can I stop expecting these silly things from the people I love?

Not getting your expectations fulfilled can be the cause of suffering.
If you work you expect to be paid...if you plant corn you expect corn.

Expecting things from people is something I never do anymore.
Expecting things from God...I expect, prepare for and anticipate constantly.
So far so good.
A different take.

[lilith]

I agree with everything linen53 said. But lets be real. Even when you don't want someone around, that right there is an expectation and condition. Even if you don't expect nothing in return, you still get some emotional reaction when the person you care so much about and is on your vibrational frequency, does something that is "not expected" from someone like him or her. Or you don't at all, you're always zen? Maybe it's just me. That right there is a fact that you had expectations in some degree. Isn't having desires and wishes having expectations? I think it's not quite possible to let go of expectations. It would mean we let go of ego. I just feel we should accept that we have expectations so that they don't bother us. Expectations motivate us, gets us going. So, maybe we should just let go of wanting results. To me, there's a difference there.