What Do I Do as a Twin Flame Chaser?

[Surf Rider]

I’ll keep the background on my Twin Flame story brief. We met 3 ½ years ago in a physics undergrad class, and I felt most of the classic signs of meeting my Twin Flame. It was the most mind-warping, soul-stretching, emotionally bizarre experience I’ve ever had. After having had 5 girlfriends and having been on hundreds of dates, I had the very strong feeling that I’d finally found the woman I had been looking for. It was like meeting my other half. I quickly became the Chaser and she became the Runner. The strangest incongruity was when, after we’d been on three dates, she asked me to be her boyfriend in the same breath that she told me that she had no romantic feelings for me. She consistently denied having romantic feelings for me, even though everything in her eyes and body language told me she was attracted to me. She even told me that on one occasion, she did nothing for three days but sit around and think about me. I seemed to set off all her internal alarms, and every time I’d try to get close to her, she’d get very agitated and either run away or speak to me with hostility. After only six weeks of dating, she dumped me and moved to a different state. It was extremely intense.

I tried to forget about her and date other women. But pretty much my every waking thought I had was about her. I wanted her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I could not understand why someone who obviously liked me and spent so much time thinking about me could run away or act with so much hostility.

3 years later, I still have dreams at night about her about once a month, sometimes more. Even though I have tried very hard to get rid of it, I cannot shake the feeling that she and I will be together again someday.

Our contact the last 3 years has been limited to a few facebook interactions. She lives 700 miles away and is in graduate school like me. And she, like me, is “chronically single.” I had a great facebook conversation with her last week. It was so good that I asked her if she’d though about us getting back together and working things out, and she said she wasn’t interested in that, but was willing to be friends.

I’m quite confused about what to do. I understand that my feelings that she and I will be back together someday may be wrong, but I can’t get rid of them. I have not been able to sustain a relationship with anyone else, nor has she. She is willing to be friendly with me, but I know that as soon as I try to get close to her, she will run away.

Do you have any suggestions for me on what to do?

[DaisySunshine]

The most important thing you can do is work on yourself. Learn how to love yourself, and be happy with yourself. It is easier said than done, I know. I'm going through the same process as a chaser myself right now. My twin flame also lives about 700 miles away.

I don't want to post a long winded response, but feel free to send me a personal message if you'd like to chat more. I don't have many who understand the twin flame thing well, so it'd be awesome to have someone to talk to about it. I'm also in a similar boat. Twin flame doesn't have romantic feelings for me anymore but apparently wants to still be friends. Tricky stuff.

PM me if you'd like to talk. ��

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by Surf Rider

I’ll keep the background on my Twin Flame story brief. We met 3 ½ years ago in a physics undergrad class, and I felt most of the classic signs of meeting my Twin Flame. It was the most mind-warping, soul-stretching, emotionally bizarre experience I’ve ever had. After having had 5 girlfriends and having been on hundreds of dates, I had the very strong feeling that I’d finally found the woman I had been looking for. It was like meeting my other half. I quickly became the Chaser and she became the Runner. The strangest incongruity was when, after we’d been on three dates, she asked me to be her boyfriend in the same breath that she told me that she had no romantic feelings for me. She consistently denied having romantic feelings for me, even though everything in her eyes and body language told me she was attracted to me. She even told me that on one occasion, she did nothing for three days but sit around and think about me. I seemed to set off all her internal alarms, and every time I’d try to get close to her, she’d get very agitated and either run away or speak to me with hostility. After only six weeks of dating, she dumped me and moved to a different state. It was extremely intense.

I tried to forget about her and date other women. But pretty much my every waking thought I had was about her. I wanted her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I could not understand why someone who obviously liked me and spent so much time thinking about me could run away or act with so much hostility.

3 years later, I still have dreams at night about her about once a month, sometimes more. Even though I have tried very hard to get rid of it, I cannot shake the feeling that she and I will be together again someday.

Our contact the last 3 years has been limited to a few facebook interactions. She lives 700 miles away and is in graduate school like me. And she, like me, is “chronically single.” I had a great facebook conversation with her last week. It was so good that I asked her if she’d though about us getting back together and working things out, and she said she wasn’t interested in that, but was willing to be friends.

I’m quite confused about what to do. I understand that my feelings that she and I will be back together someday may be wrong, but I can’t get rid of them. I have not been able to sustain a relationship with anyone else, nor has she. She is willing to be friendly with me, but I know that as soon as I try to get close to her, she will run away.

Do you have any suggestions for me on what to do?

it is frustrating. mine doesn't let me anywhere near her though so I don't have any idea how to handle a situation like yours...

Looking at your profile...well, you want an honest answer from me? Or one
that just sounds nice?

The honest one is - grow up! You're not exactly in the realm of besotted
teenagers any longer.

The nice one is that you should find ways to de-obsess yourself. Are you
giving the people you now date a worthy chance or is deeper level
communication blocked by this craving for the unattainable? What do you
actually want? Have you pondered on whether a relationship with this
girl could really last and you aren't carried away by a persuasive challenge
of her denying romantic feelings. (Romance can have a finite time span
so what is there about you pair that would last should it run its course?)

Are you able to receive the people you date/meet with equanimity? Have
you looked for things to like about any of the people you've dated since?

It's in my own experience to meet people who turn my/our lives upside down,
play havoc with my feelings/emotions (if you like, though I've learned to regard
acute emotional reactions with suspicion! I like to be in control of them).
Then...all too soon things start to flatten and the very magic, chaotic magic at that,
of that initial explosion starts to wear thin....and one just has to be honest -
above all with oneself.

If she doesn't want to be romantic then there's no way you can make her be romantic.
If she isn't now in contact it might be better to banish her from your firmament
so you can just get on and enjoy life.



♥

[Delay_Reaction]

Originally Posted by Surf Rider

I’ll keep the background on my Twin Flame story brief. We met 3 ½ years ago in a physics undergrad class, and I felt most of the classic signs of meeting my Twin Flame. It was the most mind-warping, soul-stretching, emotionally bizarre experience I’ve ever had. After having had 5 girlfriends and having been on hundreds of dates, I had the very strong feeling that I’d finally found the woman I had been looking for. It was like meeting my other half. I quickly became the Chaser and she became the Runner. The strangest incongruity was when, after we’d been on three dates, she asked me to be her boyfriend in the same breath that she told me that she had no romantic feelings for me. She consistently denied having romantic feelings for me, even though everything in her eyes and body language told me she was attracted to me. She even told me that on one occasion, she did nothing for three days but sit around and think about me. I seemed to set off all her internal alarms, and every time I’d try to get close to her, she’d get very agitated and either run away or speak to me with hostility. After only six weeks of dating, she dumped me and moved to a different state. It was extremely intense.

I tried to forget about her and date other women. But pretty much my every waking thought I had was about her. I wanted her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I could not understand why someone who obviously liked me and spent so much time thinking about me could run away or act with so much hostility.

3 years later, I still have dreams at night about her about once a month, sometimes more. Even though I have tried very hard to get rid of it, I cannot shake the feeling that she and I will be together again someday.

Our contact the last 3 years has been limited to a few facebook interactions. She lives 700 miles away and is in graduate school like me. And she, like me, is “chronically single.” I had a great facebook conversation with her last week. It was so good that I asked her if she’d though about us getting back together and working things out, and she said she wasn’t interested in that, but was willing to be friends.

I’m quite confused about what to do. I understand that my feelings that she and I will be back together someday may be wrong, but I can’t get rid of them. I have not been able to sustain a relationship with anyone else, nor has she. She is willing to be friendly with me, but I know that as soon as I try to get close to her, she will run away.

Do you have any suggestions for me on what to do?

When we feel very strongly about another person, it feels like it isn't by choice and that we are a slave to this feeling, but we can still redirect our energy to something more positive.

Distance matters not. If you are loving to yourself and to her, you open the door to limitless possibility.

I would share my story with you in more detail, which is similar to yours, but not here. PM me if you want for more details.

[Ldlf16]

"Grow up" because love or this completely mystifying, trying, spiritual/whatever-it-is love is only supposed to happen to teenagers? You consistently demonstrate here that you clearly have no idea. The fact that he's an intelligent, working adult might tip you off that it's precisely not the naïve crush or obsession or standard dysfunction it's dismissed as so often.

^^^ If you're referring to my comment then it's hardly worth a response, except to say that men notoriously aren't in touch with their emotions - always held at second remove until they burst through the barriers and start to find their Selves. The condition is easy to spot.

Intelligence doesn't come into it.

...

[Ldlf16]

Hardly worth a response, but yet you did. Ok. You discredit women here as well, so I'm not sure the assumption of men's emotional immaturity is truly relevant. Telling an adult to "grow up" because they're struggling with this is both rude and, again, demonstrates that you continually try to equate this with normal romantic obsession or normal relationship dysfunctions, and it's neither. If you don't believe this type of connection is possible, then it's truly baffling why you are so ardent in attempting to discredit others here.

[ssdm1]

Originally Posted by Surf Rider

I’ll keep the background on my Twin Flame story brief. We met 3 ½ years ago in a physics undergrad class, and I felt most of the classic signs of meeting my Twin Flame. It was the most mind-warping, soul-stretching, emotionally bizarre experience I’ve ever had. After having had 5 girlfriends and having been on hundreds of dates, I had the very strong feeling that I’d finally found the woman I had been looking for. It was like meeting my other half. I quickly became the Chaser and she became the Runner. The strangest incongruity was when, after we’d been on three dates, she asked me to be her boyfriend in the same breath that she told me that she had no romantic feelings for me. She consistently denied having romantic feelings for me, even though everything in her eyes and body language told me she was attracted to me. She even told me that on one occasion, she did nothing for three days but sit around and think about me. I seemed to set off all her internal alarms, and every time I’d try to get close to her, she’d get very agitated and either run away or speak to me with hostility. After only six weeks of dating, she dumped me and moved to a different state. It was extremely intense.

I tried to forget about her and date other women. But pretty much my every waking thought I had was about her. I wanted her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I could not understand why someone who obviously liked me and spent so much time thinking about me could run away or act with so much hostility.

3 years later, I still have dreams at night about her about once a month, sometimes more. Even though I have tried very hard to get rid of it, I cannot shake the feeling that she and I will be together again someday.

Our contact the last 3 years has been limited to a few facebook interactions. She lives 700 miles away and is in graduate school like me. And she, like me, is “chronically single.” I had a great facebook conversation with her last week. It was so good that I asked her if she’d though about us getting back together and working things out, and she said she wasn’t interested in that, but was willing to be friends.

I’m quite confused about what to do. I understand that my feelings that she and I will be back together someday may be wrong, but I can’t get rid of them. I have not been able to sustain a relationship with anyone else, nor has she. She is willing to be friendly with me, but I know that as soon as I try to get close to her, she will run away.

Do you have any suggestions for me on what to do?

Hello and welcome Surf Rider! I hate to say it, but it took over 20 years for my twin to come back in my life, but he is back now.

If she is ok being friends, go with it and be happy with the contact that you do have. Work on yourself, your degree, your career, and she will do the same. If you are meant to come back together it will happen but it could take a very long time.

He and I even today are just very close friends. I can see that we each had to go through what we did in order to come back together today. Currently we do charity work together, and this could be our twin flame "mission."

Originally Posted by Ldlf16

Hardly worth a response, but yet you did. Ok. You discredit women here as well, so I'm not sure the assumption of men's emotional immaturity is truly relevant. Telling an adult to "grow up" because they're struggling with this is both rude and, again, demonstrates that you continually try to equate this with normal romantic obsession or normal relationship dysfunctions, and it's neither. If you don't believe this type of connection is possible, then it's truly baffling why you are so ardent in attempting to discredit others here.

I just give my views.

It may help if you read my comment rather than rushing to conclusions. I said "you want an honest answer from me." or a nice-sounding one?

I attempted to give both and both were as honest as could be, given time and the brevity of the original post. As always on this subject it can only be an opinion. Others have given their opinions about which I won't comment so the o/p can summarise from a selection of views.

I also said it was hardly worth a response except to say that... so yes, my "except to say that..." was my response. Further discussion of your retort seemed unnecessary. You have your opinion, I have mine.

I don't discredit women at all....are you levelling that because I'm practical, sincere, in control of my emotions? My spiritual development is probably more traditional than most (here) which taught me not so much "maturity" but balance and equanimity. My circumstances put me on my feet rather quickly on the time-line.

However, your views contrary as they are to mine are just as valid.. So it's probably best to disagree. I have no quarrel with you.

♥