Hello---please help

[cardinalsong]

I did not know where else to turn to ask this question.. But I will sincerely appreciate any help given. This is my story. I was in a relationship with my child's father for 10 years. Within this time I reconnected with an old friend via social media. My man and I started to develop problems. I came to find out he was involved with this "friend". They only knew each other through me.

He was cheating on me with others, so I cannot say she is what broke us up. I do not want him back. However, the problem is that since he has been with her, he has completely changed. It is though he is unrecognizable. He is depressed. Anxious. Sad. feeling hopeless. Very VERY angry, full of hate. He has become physically ill. He never sees our child. He spends every waking moment he is not at work with this woman.

She has always been extremely jealous of me. I have known her 20 years. I believe she is affecting him so much so that it is causing conflict with him and I, and she is so worried he and I will reconnect, that she has had much to do with him not seeing our child. My child is hurting so bad over this.

I went to a spiritual teacher and healer. She told me this is likely part of my journey...that I have a contract with them both to experience this pain in order for my own growth.

Thing is---I know we can be influenced by evil. I do believe this woman is of a VERY low vibration and perhaps evil.

I don't know what to think of this situation. I am hoping for some input.

Thank you

[Baile]

Originally Posted by cardinalsong

Thing is---I know we can be influenced by evil. I do believe this woman is of a VERY low vibration and perhaps evil.

Hi cardinalsong. First, I would be careful throwing about the "e" word. People do what they do, often for their own selfish purposes, but rarely because of evil intent. Turning what looks to be a fidelity issue into something associated with evil deeds, is only adding psychic and karmic gasoline to an already blazing fire.

And it's often a way of avoiding the reality of a situation. You're imagining it as something way out there -- something dark and devious and beyond your control. When we see things as beyond our control -- and especially in such extreme ways -- it's often because we don't really want to deal with it; don't want to take responsibility for some aspect of it, or work at finding real solutions.

Calling her evil is not a real solution. A real solution would be to sit down with your partner and ask: "Do you want to be with me, or her?" Let him decide. Let him give you a clear response. Once he does that, you're free of her, whatever he chooses. You no longer have to concern yourself with her. He will either be with you, or her. And either way, you can then get on with your life in its new reality, whichever form that takes. And she won't be part of it because she'll be out of your life either way.

As for his health and state of mind: If he stays with you, you can help him return to normal. If he wishes to be with her, then his health and state of mind is not your concern. Your concern is to protect your child from unhealthy disruptive energy, which may mean going to a lawyer and finding out about his visitation rights. Because if he is truly as mixed up as you say, and if she is that much of a negative influence on him, you will need to concern yourself with that for the sake of your child.

[Baile]

Hi again. Just found this post of yours from two years ago:

Originally Posted by cardinalsong

my TF is draining me. He has been depressed and not feeling so great for three years plus.

And from three years ago:

Originally Posted by cardinalsong

My TF has been undergoing a dark night of the soul for the past 2 years. He is basically at the lowest point of his life... he is so sad, depressed, anxious, feeling alone, isolated

So definitely not in the state he's in because of her, but because he's been unhappy for many years now. Sounds like he needs to seek medical help and/or therapy. But again, not your issue if he's no longer interested in being with you. And in all honesty, with this new infidelity development, it sounds like it's probably time to let him go. Which would allow you to focus on creating a healthy life for yourself and family, finally and after all these years of turmoil.

Unfortunately, when it comes to dysfunctional relationships, people often choose to remain in the dysfunction year after year, because they see it as the safer and easier path. Which is can be. I didn't come to a clear realization of this tendency in myself until my late 40s, after two long and horribly dysfunctional relationships, one after the other. Seems it's a life lesson many of us are here to learn, probably having to do with the Aquarian Age soul task of learning to live life in true independence, and in healthy joyfulness, without fear. That's what I've come to see about myself and why I went through all that.

[self-realization]

Life expresses itself in many ways and so many of them are beyond our limited ability to understand. Byron Katie once said, "There is my business, your business and God's business." My business is the only one that I should be concerned with. All experiences are for our benefit and sometimes the best thing we can do is to separate ourselves from the busy, reactive mind and give it some time. Focus on what you can change; your perspective of this situation and the love and attention that your child needs. Leave the rest up to life itself. Our job is not to fix life, but to love life. Take care.