My neverending battle in trying to be positive.

[Dargor]

Originally Posted by Seawolf

I've suffered quite a bit and fortunately I'm getting help now. There are extremely powerful therapies nowadays that change lives. Society is slow to absorb new information and so we all suffer.

I'm glad it helped you, but to me there is no greater humiliation than participating in such therapies and having to share the story of my life with another human who only cares about money and has no hell of a clue how I feel while putting on a pity mask. To be honest I think I'd rather even die.

[Dargor]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

Have you considered that it's OK to feel sad, disappointed, upset, angry, or frustrated when things don't go the way that you had hoped? That's a normal human process and you should honored those feelings by accepting them. Accept that things may be kinda sucky at the moment and you might feel miserable at the moment. It's OK to do so. However, once you have accepted the feelings and the situation, you don't need to dwell and hold onto them any longer. Let them go as soon as you can and move forward with one feet in front of the other. Easier said then done, I know, but that's the best way to go; forward. You don't have to be positive all the time, but you can choose not to dwell on negative thoughts either as you march on ahead on your journey. Good luck and safe travels!

You don't need to tell me to let go and move on... What I am dealing with is not just ''normal'' human process and by accepting it I'd basically be signing my own death warrant. I know you mean well and I appreciate it, but your reply only confirms my statement that no soul on earth or above understands my situation. I apologise if my reply seems rude, but as I stated earlier, I didn't originally create this thread to seek help or advice because I already consider myself wise and enlightened enough.

[Dargor]

Originally Posted by SaturninePluto

The negative guy? When I see a topic you've recently posted on my first thoughts/ reaction is Slayer!!! Glad he is still around posting.

I resonate with much of what you say here. My life has not turned out exactly as I would have liked it either. Actually I am probably lucky. I have not lost what you have, though yes, I have lost many people myself. There isn't anyone here who could understand your situation exactly as you do, just as there isn't anyone here who could fully understand me, my circumstances or what I've been through. But that is why I feel your perspective is so needed. As all our perspectives here have something to offer, yours does as well.

I can not give you exactly every example here, but I find when I am here and I am getting all hyped up about something possibly very very crazy, or I start wearing blinders and rose colored glasses, often times I find your dose of skepticism quite needed at times to be honest. It has a grounding ability.

For the most part I enjoy reading your posts, your honesty about your situation, and that no you do not feel light and love and rainbows all the time, is what makes you imo so unique to us here. Reminds me to be honest with myself- what I need right now.

Cause honestly I don't always feel happy, light, love, positivity, and rainbow colors at all. A lot of the times I feel angry, depressed, angry again, angry at people, angry at noise angry at the world and well angry at everything. Sometimes I feel like screaming, heck sometimes I actually do. Sometimes I am not in the mood for rainbows when I come to the forum, sometimes I am just in the mood for- honesty. Being honest enough to say hey we don't have to feel positive all the time, and guess what? There really isn't anything wrong with that either.

When I see you've posted I don't just think- the negative guy. I think Slayer!!! Awesome, at least he isn't going to act like he doesn't feel any of the taboo bad emotions, because I know I do.

That is to say, your perspective imo is just as valid as any other member here.

Thanks, good to know you don't think of me that way.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

I'm glad it helped you, but to me there is no greater humiliation than participating in such therapies and having to share the story of my life with another human who only cares about money and has no hell of a clue how I feel while putting on a pity mask. To be honest I think I'd rather even die.

Sounds like talk therapy. That's ancient stuff, people in the therapy world consider it to be ineffective. The public is very unaware of new things that actually work. I suffered all my life because of that ignorance. I thought that stuff won't help me. I was so sure and yet had no idea, remaining in hell because I thought I knew. Can't really blame me though, that's what society taught me. I was just a sheep going with the crowd thinking this is all there is.

Know the "best of things got heroic favor". Know it's all about heroic favor. The Founders of a great
something get Through with heroic favor on Their hand. It's all about heroic favor. The "Best of stuff
got heroic favor." You're applaudedin in such a way by the results cropped of your heroic Favor. Don't
wory without heroic Favor on top of your gang. (gang ie as of saying association as of
it's normal With everyone that everyone's been in).

As long as you have shared that about.

At eases.

[happy soul]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

Don't get me wrong, I'm not placing this here to throw a pathetic pity party. I think most of you know me as ''that negative guy'' so I thought I needed to clarify something on that part. Yes, I have a negative attitude to life in general, because things just don't work out for me and my whole future life is getting blown to hell. I try my best to elevate my way of thinking to what one would call a positive stage, where I think everything will just somehow automatically sort itself up like in a fairytale. But time after time when I managed to gather a glimmer of hope and positivity, I end up losing it and having to start all over again and then it becomes even harder to be positive. To me this is like a hellish torment. This battle lasts forever and probably won't end anytime soon, so everyone; please excuse me the negativity. To most of you ''advanced'' souls, being positive is as easy as taking a candy from a baby, but to me it is about as difficult as driving a car without a steering wheel.

Bless you Slayer.

May you be happy and at peace, now and always.

Originally Posted by happy soul

Bless you Slayer.

May you be happy and at peace, now and always.

That's right.

[Imzadi]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

You don't need to tell me to let go and move on... What I am dealing with is not just ''normal'' human process and by accepting it I'd basically be signing my own death warrant. I know you mean well and I appreciate it, but your reply only confirms my statement that no soul on earth or above understands my situation. I apologise if my reply seems rude, but as I stated earlier, I didn't originally create this thread to seek help or advice because I already consider myself wise and enlightened enough.

You do not seem rude at all, by the way, and I absolutely respect that you consider yourself wise and enlightened. I never mean to suggest otherwise. Perhaps, I am only reflecting on my own journey that has no relation to the pain and turmoil that you may experience at your particular psychic/spiritual level. Since I am ignorant of it and do not consider myself wise or enlighten, that is all I can do; reflect. It is kind of you to say that I am well-meaning, but perhaps I am not simply just being well meaning. I am merely relating to what I feel and how I personally survive and continue to my own experience while on this planet.

Without divulging too much personal and irrelevant information, one can say that the content of my life has not been easy. I have experienced more grief, loss, devastation, trauma, abuse, violence, rape, shock, torture, disappointment, deep endless abyss of anxiety, and a psychic level depression worthy of an infinite amount of black holes than I can dare describe. And this is only a small tip of the iceberg so to speak. And very much like you, I detest a pity party, and I loathe to throw one.

On top of that is the perpetual existential pain that I feel even in my most joyful and happiest moment that makes simply existing deeply painful and grusome. Even when all things are going perfectly. At every corner and within every moment there lies the danger that I might suddenly and simply fall off a building without my constant monitoring of my thoughts and feelings with careful diligence.

The endless struggle of positivity? Oh yes. Perhaps my struggle may be different than your own unique situation, but I can relate to those words.

Right now, however, I am at a strange psychic/spiritual space where I am not struggling against the polarities of either being positive or negative. I'm resting in this space that is beyond it. If positivity arise, that's ok. If negativity arise, that's ok too. I absolutely surrender because I have no more fight left in me. Somehow right now I am doing ok despite not resisting anything or fighting to attain something. I never thought this is possible. There is actually a space and awareness of just simply Peace where positivity and negativity holds absolutely no power? Whoa, that blew my mind.

But Slayer, I hope that you did not find my words and posts to be patronizing. I am not coming from an "enlightened" or "wise" place and I most definitely do not consider myself an "advance" soul. In fact, I am unsure if souls exist at all. But that's another esoteric topic that can be talked or analyzed to death in a whole other thread.

If what I say makes sense and resonates for you, great! If not, toss it away quickly. But I will tell you this last thing, from one person to another, I sincerely wish you much peace and much joy on your journey. And I know that the wisdom and enlightenment within YOU (the Master of Your own Destiny) will guide you HOME wherever that may be for you and however you may choose to perceive it. :)

[sky]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

You do not seem rude at all, by the way, and I absolutely respect that you consider yourself wise and enlightened. I never mean to suggest otherwise. Perhaps, I am only reflecting on my own journey that has no relation to the pain and turmoil that you may experience at your particular psychic/spiritual level. Since I am ignorant of it and do not consider myself wise or enlighten, that is all I can do; reflect. It is kind of you to say that I am well-meaning, but perhaps I am not simply just being well meaning. I am merely relating to what I feel and how I personally survive and continue to my own experience while on this planet.

Without divulging too much personal and irrelevant information, one can say that the content of my life has not been easy. I have experienced more grief, loss, devastation, trauma, abuse, violence, rape, shock, torture, disappointment, deep endless abyss of anxiety, and a psychic level depression worthy of an infinite amount of black holes than I can dare describe. And this is only a small tip of the iceberg so to speak. And very much like you, I detest a pity party, and I loathe to throw one.

On top of that is the perpetual existential pain that I feel even in my most joyful and happiest moment that makes simply existing deeply painful and grusome. Even when all things are going perfectly. At every corner and within every moment there lies the danger that I might suddenly and simply fall off a building without my constant monitoring of my thoughts and feelings with careful diligence.

The endless struggle of positivity? Oh yes. Perhaps my struggle may be different than your own unique situation, but I can relate to those words.

Right now I am at a strange psychic/spiritual space where I am not struggling against the polarities of either being positive or negative. I'm resting in this space that is beyond it. If positivity arise, that's ok. If negativity arise, that's ok too. I absolutely surrender because I have no more fight left in me. Somehow right now I am doing ok despite not resisting anything or fighting to attain something. I never thought this is possible. There is actually a space and awareness of just simply Peace where positivity and negativity holds absolutely no power? Whoa, that blew my mind.

But Slayer, I hope that you did not find my words and posts to be patronizing. I am not coming from an "enlightened" or "wise" place and I most definitely do not consider myself an "advance" soul. In fact, I am unsure if souls exist at all. But that's another esoteric topic that can talked to death in a whole other thread.

If what I say makes sense and resonates for you, great! If not, toss it away quickly. But I will tell you this last thing, from one person to another, I sincerely wish you much peace and much joy on your journey. And I know that the wisdom and enlightenment within YOU (the Master of Your own Destiny) will guide you HOME wherever that may be for you and however you may choose to perceive it. :)

What can I say to you both ( Slayer )... nothing that would help take your pain away, but I can send you both a

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

Don't get me wrong, I'm not placing this here to throw a pathetic pity party. I think most of you know me as ''that negative guy'' so I thought I needed to clarify something on that part. Yes, I have a negative attitude to life in general, because things just don't work out for me and my whole future life is getting blown to hell. I try my best to elevate my way of thinking to what one would call a positive stage, where I think everything will just somehow automatically sort itself up like in a fairytale. But time after time when I managed to gather a glimmer of hope and positivity, I end up losing it and having to start all over again and then it becomes even harder to be positive. To me this is like a hellish torment. This battle lasts forever and probably won't end anytime soon, so everyone; please excuse me the negativity. To most of you ''advanced'' souls, being positive is as easy as taking a candy from a baby, but to me it is about as difficult as driving a car without a steering wheel.

Maybe if you changed the word "positive" with the word "real" you would have better luck. Being real can mean being negative or positive, it means being honest with how you are feeling. It's about having no layer of protection between you and the outer world. no mental filter, dont control your body language, just be yourself and let the world take you as you are.

In my experience being "positive" was impossible. After some time in meditation I figured out that being positive is more about being real with what's going on inside of me and the outside world, be it good or bad, and handling it well.

When I tried to "be positive" and only focused on the good it just didn't work out for long. I don't feel positive very often, so always attempting to be positive, and to turn all the negatives I felt into positive, became an extreme labor and after a short period I'd just give it up and feel even worse than ever.

I had to learn to be OK with how I felt. Being negative is OK too. I've often found that in accepting my negativity and letting it reign free the strongest parts of me come to the surface as well.

What I mean is the less pleasant parts of myself, the depressed me, the angry me, the irritable me, the racist me, the hateful me; I let them come to the surface when I am feeling them and I let them act out however they need to be in each situation. I'm very diplomatic with how I handle the many selves, I will let them all come up to the surface, but I won't let them lash out on other people without my criticism. If I hear Mr racist come up, I let him come up, and I question him! I give him the devils eye, and if he stands strong I listen, but usually he will back down.

What I mean is the voice in my head. The ego's voice, the one that is conditioned by the beliefs, values, and experiences of my early life. The ego is Mr Racist, and when I hear the nasty racist comments come up in my mind I just go with them. If I'm alone I will vent and openly talk about whatever is bothering me. Right after I let it out I examine it, usually it goes like this. "aw man, that XXXX they are really getting on my case for no good reason. they are such a $#@%". then a second later I will go like "wow, not cool. what's wrong with XXX, they are a normal person just like me". and most of the time the racist voice will die down, sometimes it will talk back a second time, but rarely a third.

it's like I am conditioning my self. I'm saying with my actions, "any part of the inner me can arise to the surface and be heard, however you will be dealt with, actively and not passively".

I've decided to practice wu-wei, or the action of no-action. It's about not resisting the process of life. Rather than see how I feel as negative, I just let things be. Yes I snap out a little more than I used to, but I'm also more forgiving, more likely to apologize, more likely to comfort and build bonds.

One important difference I've noticed is the way I build bonds now. The way I used to be, always chasing the positive, it was very hard for me to build bonds because I couldn't forgive. If someone made it hard for me to be positive I blamed that person and hated them, I avoided them. And because of the nature of humans, everybody made me hate a little something about them, and so they made positivity impossible for me so I avoided them.

When I learned how to be negative, it's like I found out how to be a jerk and how to be a good guy. Before I was never a good guy, I was just an jerk trying to be a good guy, but never actually being either. These days I care less about how I'm feeling, because I've learned that for the most part how I feel is irrelevant to what I'm doing, and more about keeping myself calm and centered so I can react well no matter which part of me comes out.

Hope my story helps you out buddy.