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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #11  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:04 PM
Spectrum
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazulu
Spectrum,
It's easy. Just use an online dating service.
Thanks for the advice. But I have tried that.

Once or twice a year I get the idea: "Hey, why not try online dating again?" Then, over a period of maybe a month, I send off maybe 200 letters, get about 10 rejections and maybe one date (that does not lead to a second date). Then I remember: "Oh, right. That's why I stopped last time I tried online dating."

Anyway: Thanks for the reply, but I am not looking for dating advice. I am looking for advice on how to feel non-desperate. Online dating generally makes me feel MORE desperate because it makes me focus my attention on my loneliness and failure.
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  #12  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:06 PM
Tara_Joy
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazulu
There is no reason why anyone should ever be single if they don't want to be. It literally doesn't matter what you look like. It also doesn't matter how bad your social skills are. None of that matters.

Man, I just don't know if I agree with that. But more power too you if you have that level of confidence.

But then again if I had no standards of the person I want to be with, etc, I guess that could be true.

I do like your suggestion of the online dating thing, but still, feel weird putting that blanket statement out there.
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  #13  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:06 PM
Spectrum
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazulu
There is no reason why anyone should ever be single if they don't want to be. It literally doesn't matter what you look like. It also doesn't matter how bad your social skills are. None of that matters.
Then what does matter?
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  #14  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:10 PM
Mazulu
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara_Joy
I was just commenting on what was said by someone else Mazulu. I didn't say you have to love yourself to be in a relationship of any kind.

Though often times confidence comes with self love, and while you can have sex without confidence, you probably won't have the guts to ask for what you want in the bedroom.
Hi Tara_joy,
Please forgive me if I came across as cranky.

I just want to see people, in this case Spectrum, find what will make them happy. I'm a big believer in the Pursuit of Happiness. Things like loving yourself and meditation are are terrible reasons to lock yourself up in an ivory tower and refrain from all sexual matters. This is the age of the internet where you can go to a dating website, create a profile, add a picture, and other people with similar interests will contact you for a date. It's literally that easy.
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  #15  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:14 PM
Tara_Joy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazulu
Hi Tara_joy,
Please forgive me if I came across as cranky.

I just want to see people, in this case Spectrum, find what will make them happy. I'm a big believer in the Pursuit of Happiness. Things like loving yourself and meditation are are terrible reasons to lock yourself up in an ivory tower and refrain from all sexual matters. This is the age of the internet where you can go to a dating website, create a profile, add a picture, and other people with similar interests will contact you for a date. It's literally that easy.

No worries Mazulu! We both have strong opinions and there is nothing wrong with that.

I'd just like to be in a place where I can enjoy being single or being in a relationship. Trust me, I'm not locking myself in some ivory tower. Screw that!!

But, in my experience, if I don't know how to be happy on my own, putting that pressure on a relationship to make me happy isn't going to work out.
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  #16  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:15 PM
Tara_Joy
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PS - I feel like our avatars are looking at eachother in a really creepy manner
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  #17  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:18 PM
Mazulu
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara_Joy
Man, I just don't know if I agree with that. But more power too you if you have that level of confidence.

But then again if I had no standards of the person I want to be with, etc, I guess that could be true.

I do like your suggestion of the online dating thing, but still, feel weird putting that blanket statement out there.

If you add standards to the conversation, then it's a little harder. Many years ago I saw a transsexual driving around in her BMW convertible with a young man with a serious acne problem and an awkward personality. So, I stand by my point that anyone can find a sexual relationship.
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  #18  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:19 PM
Mazulu
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara_Joy
PS - I feel like our avatars are looking at eachother in a really creepy manner
Giggle.
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  #19  
Old 15-07-2013, 10:14 PM
Fairyana Fairyana is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 455
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara_Joy
(...)It is deciding that you deserve to pursue happiness, and that you deserve the forgiveness you give to others. At least that is what it has meant to me.
The reason I say this is to encourage you not to get bummed out if you don't necessarily know if you love yourself. Concentrating on that is just a negative circle you will get pulled into of wondering why you don't love yourself and hating yourself for it.

Why not just assume that you do love yourself? Same difference and level of assumption, ya know?

I totally agree. Besides, there's gotta be something you love doing. Dancing? Sports? Studying? Arts? Travel? Find something that you can accomplish and that makes you happy and go for it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazulu
What does "loving yourself" have to do with finding a sexually satisfying relationship? There are billions of people who hate themselves who still manage to find someone to sleep with.

Well, if you hate yourself you can find a sexually satisfying relationship, but you'll have trouble having a happy life. From what I understood, he's prioritizing having a happy life instead of getting laid.

When you are happy with yourself, a person will come who is drawn to your happiness. If you are not happy with yourself and put into someone else's hand the key to your happiness, that's not a very solid base for a relationship. It puts a lot of pressure on that person and ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness... always!
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  #20  
Old 15-07-2013, 10:23 PM
psychoslice psychoslice is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 12,111
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I love being single, but it took me half my life time to realize this, now I wouldn't have it any other way.
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