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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 25-09-2011, 02:51 AM
Fire7
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I want a relationship so bad...I can't stand it - My Love Addiction

As with most of my threads, I don't expect too much from it other than a venting outlet, so excuse me if this contains information you have heard before.

I want to get off my chest this intense longing that I have to be in love. I don't know why it plagues me to such a degree but it has been with me from as early on as I can remember (as a child). I remember the first crush I had on a boy at my school (actually, John Ritter was the first crush I ever had on a male, in general). It was so intense that I couldn't take it anymore, so I told my cousin who was the same age as myself (around 5). I basically came out as gay, to my cousin, before I even knew what it was. How I wish things were simple now as they were back then. I could have never anticipated the many stages of identity confusion and self developement that would come years down the road.

But one thing that has never wavered is my undying thirst for a male companion. Ironically, I have never had a boyfriend...or a girlfriend. I've never been in a relationship.

I have been so sheltered that I'm behind 99% of my peers in many things. I'm 29y/o and have never been behind the wheel of a vehicle. Needless to say, I don't have a license. I can't tell you where my south is from my north, or the east is from the west (literally). I'm really just now learning my times tables on my own. Many of the fundamentals I don't know, so I lack a lot of common sense. I know how to appear normal and carry on a coversation with the best of them, but it is mainly the behavior I have picked up from others. I think that if people really knew who I was, they might run from me... then I would really be alone. This is just the interaction I have with the general population, so I know that I am not ready for a relationship.

This is not to place blame on anyone or get sympathy, because there are millions of people who are 100 times worse off than me. Some people are shaking in the freezing cold right now because they don't have a house or a bed to sleep in. Someone is dying of starvation right now. Someone is suffering in prison...or on death row. Someone is tormented with regrets of the past. This is all the more reason I think I'm selfish for considering the loneliness I am experiencing as a tragedy. I should not be thinking of myself, but others, is what I often hear. Well this is easier said than done, because I can't help the way I feel about love.

I actually became addicted to psychics for this very reason. It was about 3 years ago when I started experimenting with psychic readings. I wanted to know the true thoughts and feelings of someone I was infatuated with at the time. It then turned into a constant pattern. I felt that it was a breath of fresh air that there was now hope for me, because I could finally know if I was going to find that "one." That one eventually turned into a hundred or so, as I became infatuated with guy after guy. And I was always told that he was "coming" in a certain month, at a certain place, or in a certain form, and it was always someone or something different. He never came. It has been promised to me time and time again that I would experience a romantic relationship. Well, what happens when I fall in love with 50 out of 100 guys?, every other guy I see? It got to the point where I would only talk to certain guys in order to get their birth dates to give to the next psychic so that he or she could tell me if he was the one. I was so tempted to do it again today, but I caught myself in time.

Now, I'm sitting here thinking about the thousands of dollars of debt I've gotten myself into over the years, all over romantic infatuation and a preoccupation with "hope." I've talked to hundreds of psychics hundreds of times, and I'm no further along than I was 3 years ago...still going around in the same circles. So I'm left to either continue the cycle or get to the root of the issue. Why am I so hungry for a relationship but still haven't gotten one? If I really wanted to be in love wouldn't I already have been by now?

Is it simply "lust" that is driving me?

In any case, I'm tired of the loneliness. And I know that people say "love yourself first." I have heard that time and time again. But who's to say that I don't already love myself and just want to share it? Still, whether I have self love/esteem or not, loving me is not the same as loving another person who's eyes, hair, skin, bone structure, body, and personality literally make my heartrate eccelerate, cause waves and shivers of electricity to flow throughout my body, and cause me to become lightheaded at the meer sight of him. It is not the same! And self love cannot substitute for it.

All I have to say is I don't know what to do! It's just so frustrating!

Last edited by Fire7 : 25-09-2011 at 03:52 AM.
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  #2  
Old 25-09-2011, 02:58 AM
Xan Xan is offline
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Fire7... I've read your distressing posts in a few places now, and I have a suggestion. You need to get some good counseling/therapy so you can resolve your emotional issues and come to accept yourself as you are. Only then will you become free to go ahead in relationship, and in other ways to find your strength and your heart.


Xan
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  #3  
Old 25-09-2011, 07:05 AM
astralsuzy astralsuzy is offline
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I would advise you not to waist anymore money on seeing any more physics. You spent thousands of dollars and what has it done for you, nothing.
If you try too hard in getting a relationship that can turn people off. I know it would put me off if I sensed someone was desperate or badly wanting a relationship. Just try and forget about a relationship and concentrate on having a good time. When people see you are having a good time they will be more attracted to you.
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  #4  
Old 25-09-2011, 10:37 AM
Lifesclues
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Sometimes we want something so badly that when it appears we miss it - cant see the tree for the forest. Perhaps try refocussing yourself (easy said I know) so that when someone does show up you see can them your not busy looking for someone else.

And I know what you mean loving yourself and being happy with yourself is one thing but having someone you love to share it with can make it even more special.

Good luck
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  #5  
Old 25-09-2011, 11:11 AM
Equinox
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire7
Why am I so hungry for a relationship but still haven't gotten one? If I really wanted to be in love wouldn't I already have been by now?

Hi Fire7,

That which you want you push away from yourself.

Its as simple as that.
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  #6  
Old 25-09-2011, 11:57 AM
mattie
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Take CHARGE Of YOUR Life

It is when we become satisfied w/ our self that we attract others. Delve deeply into your own energies, accepting you as you are. LOVE your self.

At 28 you’ve got plenty of time to find a partner. Give your self plenty of time once you meet Mr. Right. Many a person has thought they have found Mr. or Ms. Right, rushed into things, & found it wasn’t a good fit.

Your push to partner also might be an impetus to connect w/ your HS.
Higher Self- http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...418#post254418

There are countless things that you can do to grow up & get in the real world. Toss out comparing your self to others. Not productive at all. In one of your other posts you mentioned meeting the former gay guy on a college campus. Are you in college? What you’re describing about your educational level makes me question this. If you didn’t graduate high school, get your GED.

What is it about you that makes you think people would run from you?

Toss out that there are people starving, etc. that you don’t deserve compassion. Who you SHOULD be thinking about is your self. We can seldom be of much use to anyone else until we take care of (resolve) our own personal issues.

Stop looking for love elsewhere. First establish it in being OK w/ your self. Not who you want to be, but who you are right now. Then take solid steps to deal w/ whatever you need to. It isn’t lust at all that is driving you. It is the normal desire to have someone who accepts & loves you. Stop beating your self up about what you've screwed up. Many have been been rebuilt their lives. Refocus on what needs to be done to move your self forward. It is useful to examine what brought you to where you are, but remaining in this old energy, continually reviewing the list, using it to flog your self is keeping you from moving forward. OK, so you've made some decisions that weren't productive in hindsight. This is LEARNING. What would be problematic is if you hadn't had these realizations.

LOL. I just got to the part where you’re tired of people telling you to "love yourself first.", but I’m not going to edit this out of my reply. There are many things that you’ve said that indicate you don’t have the foundation of self acceptance. This includes being completely OK about your being gay despite the views of others around you. Do you completely accept your self???

Loving self isn’t meant to be a substitute for loving a partner. Real, long-time love is very different than the delightful heady rush of being in ☆❉♡LOVE♡❉☆ that is there w/ a new relationship. Being really needy is offputting to the type of people that you likely want to attract.

Why have you never learned to drive? This may indicate a very co-dependent relationship w/ your mother. If she discouraged you from driving maybe she wants you to stay a child (dependent) forever. Instead of spending thousands on psychics, spend what would likely be a modest amount of cash on driving lessons & get your driver’s license. Being mobile is very empowering.

Some of the $$$ spent on psychics may be useful to spend on a gay-friendly therapist who can help you take control of your life, move into adulthood & move past the negative chatter around you about gays. You are now an age where an appropriate partner will be a full grown adult. Become one. You CAN.
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  #7  
Old 25-09-2011, 12:17 PM
NightSpirit NightSpirit is offline
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sorry love..but i think you need to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Cheers
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  #8  
Old 25-09-2011, 12:49 PM
kaz13
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they say there is someone out there for everyone...dont look for love...let love find you...xxx
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  #9  
Old 25-09-2011, 03:04 PM
Fire7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NightSpirit
sorry love..but i think you need to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Cheers


Yea, I have been told to "grow up!" many times, but it always comes off to me as an insult. Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way, but I don't see anything empowering in that statement. But thanks for the advice.

Last edited by Fire7 : 25-09-2011 at 05:09 PM.
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  #10  
Old 25-09-2011, 03:52 PM
Silver Silver is offline
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A lot of heartfelt, passionate, and caring thoughts and advice for you, Fire7. I believe mattie's is pretty much all-encompassing.
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