making boundaries

hineahuone · #1 26-10-2016, 04:19 AM

I have had numerous signs that union is imminent and feel it strongly in my intuition. Well something is happening but it is not quite what I expected and I am wondering now what to do.

My twin claimed he is in an open relationship but I have never met his partner. She was evidently at his house last week while I was there but I didn't see her and the bedroom door was shut. I was curious and thought maybe I should open the door because it was not normaly closed when I visit. I spent time with him in the lounge room. I think it is a weird situation and so I told him I was not comfortable seeing him while she was there.

I want to be with him but I feel like there is something karmic happening with this other woman and so I am ready to walk away from him. He was texting me earlier and when I stated I wont see him again because of his partner he started to push my buttons trying to make me jealous.

I have read a few profiles here that some twinflames can be quite cruel and manipulative and narcisssitic, but I have never felt this was the case even though some of his behaviour is questionable. Each time I set a boundary he retreats and comes back slightly more humbled, but I would like to see him eat humble pie very soon as I have just about had enough of him.

Not sure what to do as my twin is not running but he is testing me to the max.

ForgedInFire · #2 26-10-2016, 05:52 AM

Well that sounds like a no fun situation to be stuck in. I know that my recent stance on tf's has been not so nice (but now evolving into a different direction) So if you feel my advice is questionable i wont be offended if you find it of no use.

So this is how i see it in two parts..1. take away the equation of him being your tf(for only a moment) and see his behavior in a more human way. Its not very nice or really acceptable especially for you. No one likes a cake eater. Take the fork away and cant eat cake..right? If you feel that this kind of behavior is unacceptable..and it is.. then i'd make a firm stance that you wont see him at all under any circumstance..if it were me.. i wouldnt even communicate with him at all until and unless he makes a commitment of some kind and keeps with it.

2. (Within the scope of tf world). Look within yourself and see if what he is doing is bringing up any past issues within yourself. the whole mirroring thing. Is there any way that you dont realize that you are doing this form of treatment to yourself in some way? it may not be so obvious so take a bit of time and go within.. remember that going within will reflect without (physical world).

Setting boundaries is a healthy thing too. if it were me as i said before.. i just wouldnt tolerate that kind of thing at all and remove myself from the situation entirely. But i dont want to put ideas in your head and end up in a worse place then now so.. perhaps just take a bit of time away from him and only focus on yourself?

hineahuone · #3 26-10-2016, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

Well that sounds like a no fun situation to be stuck in. I know that my recent stance on tf's has been not so nice (but now evolving into a different direction) So if you feel my advice is questionable i wont be offended if you find it of no use.

So this is how i see it in two parts..1. take away the equation of him being your tf(for only a moment) and see his behavior in a more human way. Its not very nice or really acceptable especially for you. No one likes a cake eater. Take the fork away and cant eat cake..right? If you feel that this kind of behavior is unacceptable..and it is.. then i'd make a firm stance that you wont see him at all under any circumstance..if it were me.. i wouldnt even communicate with him at all until and unless he makes a commitment of some kind and keeps with it.

2. (Within the scope of tf world). Look within yourself and see if what he is doing is bringing up any past issues within yourself. the whole mirroring thing. Is there any way that you dont realize that you are doing this form of treatment to yourself in some way? it may not be so obvious so take a bit of time and go within.. remember that going within will reflect without (physical world).

Setting boundaries is a healthy thing too. if it were me as i said before.. i just wouldnt tolerate that kind of thing at all and remove myself from the situation entirely. But i dont want to put ideas in your head and end up in a worse place then now so.. perhaps just take a bit of time away from him and only focus on yourself?

Thanks I have thought about it as just an ordinary relationship and I know people do weirder stuff in the 3D, I have even tried some of it, but as I have now become spiritually awakened (through him) I have chosen to walk a higher path and I can't do it anymore. I sent him a message and told him I feel a deeper connection but he wont acknowledge it, and got defensive of his arrangement, saying if it is okay with her and the 'other party' then who is getting hurt, so he won't see that I am hurting.

I asked him to let me go if he cared for me, but I am totally gutted.

RedBasket · #4 26-10-2016, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hineahuone

he won't see that I am hurting.

This seems essential - the bond you feel to someone who doesn't see that you are being hurt, and not only that, he doesn't see that HIS actions are causing you hurt.

What a wonderful job you've done to listen to yourself, to trust your intuition when things don't feel right, and to state your position clearly. Now I'd think you can let go and see if he is receptive to this big new chunk of learning and growing or not.

When you write "my twin is not running but he is testing me to the max" this makes sense to me. In a way, he could be testing the boundaries that you set so that he can have a standard or goal post to which he'll uplift himself bit by bit. You have the wisdom to know that his work to meet your standards falls on his shoulders and you aren't getting sucked into co-dependent work on his behalf. But you can still be a beacon.

I think another poster is right with the suggestion that you examine your motivations for him to eat humble pie ... that strikes me it may come from an earlier place in your life and need some healing or exploring.

Big picture, you are doing this right and staying in your power and your knowing. I hope he is your twin and responds in kind to this opportunity for a big leap of growth in him. I'll stay tuned and wish you luck keeping your stand and staying in your truth.

I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling now.

hineahuone · #5 26-10-2016, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedBasket

This seems essential - the bond you feel to someone who doesn't see that you are being hurt, and not only that, he doesn't see that HIS actions are causing you hurt.

What a wonderful job you've done to listen to yourself, to trust your intuition when things don't feel right, and to state your position clearly. Now I'd think you can let go and see if he is receptive to this big new chunk of learning and growing or not.

When you write "my twin is not running but he is testing me to the max" this makes sense to me. In a way, he could be testing the boundaries that you set so that he can have a standard or goal post to which he'll uplift himself bit by bit. You have the wisdom to know that his work to meet your standards falls on his shoulders and you aren't getting sucked into co-dependent work on his behalf. But you can still be a beacon.

I think another poster is right with the suggestion that you examine your motivations for him to eat humble pie ... that strikes me it may come from an earlier place in your life and need some healing or exploring.

Big picture, you are doing this right and staying in your power and your knowing. I hope he is your twin and responds in kind to this opportunity for a big leap of growth in him. I'll stay tuned and wish you luck keeping your stand and staying in your truth.

I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling now.

Thanks for posting and yes the motivation for eating humble pie is to see him grow and become who he is meant to be. I adore him and want to see him happy and free from his pain. I recently lost an ex partner who never learned from our split and carried on with his lifestyle that eventually killed him. When I met my twin he was a heavy drinker and using drugs in front of me. I asked him to at least respect me and not do it while I was there and he did try to control himself to some extent. I also told him why that I had lost too many people I love to addictions and so I am now seeing that he is also addicted to sex and hookups despite having a partner on the scene who aids and abets him by procruring young women on the internet for him. It is very unsavoury and I cannot be with him while this is going on. I was guided by a healer I see to set boundaries and stand my ground and I am also doing some healing for myself as I see that I am still tied into my past relationship that this current one mirrors quite a lot. I was thinking that perhaps this is a resend of the past to get me to heal on it and then I can move on, but I dont want to go forward without my twin. I love him to bits.

bluebird21 · #6 27-10-2016, 10:17 PM

Good luck setting your boundaries, hineahuone. You deserve to be cherished, treated with great respect and kindness, consistentently. Not putting up with their bull is a show of love for yourself and them. I think what you need to ask yourself is are you willing to have Union over having your personal needs met? I am friends with someone who actually just ended her Union with her true twin because she no longer was willing to put up with the bull. I have great admiration for her and think that setting those unshakable standards and letting the other know what you will and will not accept is tantamount.

This is a journey first and foremost about coming Home to ourselves and setting boundaries and knowing your worth is an expression of that. Also here is a great video I just came across on setting boundaries and how they are necessary for real intimacy. Oh I can't find link but you can look up Arielle Brown on FB, she's a life coach and made a public video recently on this topic which I've found very helpful and brilliant!

hineahuone · #7 28-10-2016, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebird21

Good luck setting your boundaries, hineahuone. You deserve to be cherished, treated with great respect and kindness, consistentently. Not putting up with their bull is a show of love for yourself and them. I think what you need to ask yourself is are you willing to have Union over having your personal needs met? I am friends with someone who actually just ended her Union with her true twin because she no longer was willing to put up with the bull. I have great admiration for her and think that setting those unshakable standards and letting the other know what you will and will not accept is tantamount.

This is a journey first and foremost about coming Home to ourselves and setting boundaries and knowing your worth is an expression of that. Also here is a great video I just came across on setting boundaries and how they are necessary for real intimacy. Oh I can't find link but you can look up Arielle Brown on FB, she's a life coach and made a public video recently on this topic which I've found very helpful and brilliant!

thanks I will look up the video. I am feeling okay even though I do miss him, I had a bizarre dream and it was quite satanic, full of sexually deviant stuff, so I feel that there is some interference coming from the dark side and i have been doing a lot of clearing rituals and working with the archangels to protect our union.

bluebird21 · #8 28-10-2016, 07:10 PM

Glad you are protecting yourself and your Union. That's important.

hineahuone · #9 28-10-2016, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebird21

Glad you are protecting yourself and your Union. That's important.

the dreams have been really significant in this union, most have been about my own spiritual development and were rather beautiful and so I am struggling with this one that seems to be left field. I was told on the dream thread that I am rehashing my relationship and it is about my own sexual repression and perhaps that it true. I will keep thinking about this particular dream.

bluebird21 · #10 28-10-2016, 09:44 PM

The thing is once we've met our twin a process unfolds in which we awaken and part of that process is facing all our stuff. We process not only all our baggage from this lifetime but also past life traumas and I believe lineage patterns. We can be shocked by what lies in our subconscious and shadow. This dream could be related to a past life of yours or this life. I would gander that it has to do with you not outside entities interfering. It is really not uncommon to have strange and disturbing dreams when processing the recesses of our subconscious. It must all become conscious. But I do think the protective rituals are still a good idea!