Some of you May NOT Like this...but HONESTLY...a Married TF?

[VanillaRayne]

For the majority of people who have a TF connection I don't think they CHOOSE to go down the path with a married person. It just happens. When me and my TF reconnected, I was in a relationship, but it was abusive and I was terribly unhappy. He helped me see the light to get out of the relationship and start to focus on myself. It didn't happen overnight, but quickly enough. I didn't cheat on my ex with my TF even though I was tempted. He helped me to see that I had the strength to walk away from the situation and that's exactly what I did.

[smARTistic girl]

Originally Posted by gypsymystique

I haven't had one romantic inclination towards mine in this lifetime. It's been too spiritual. That being said, I am certain it happens because I know couples who have experienced it.

Yes, the energy is compelling, and I love being in his presence. It just hasn't come across as something I could pursue romantically. I'm sure it could change. I just haven't had that experience with him so far.

The sources I have read and heard suggest that twin flames that are to be united in this lifetime would not break up a marriage. They would respect it.

I tend to believe that perspective because even in past lives with my twin, we did not break up unions with others. It was part of what caused separations. (And, yes, in past lives, there were physical and romantic feelings between us).

My TF does respect my marriage. His view on the importance of marriage is one of the things I love most about him, ironically. I'm pretty sure it's why he pulls away from me sometimes. He's worried he might do something he'd regret. I let him go whenever I feel that from him. I hope we can manage to put the attraction in check because when we are apart there is a huge part of my heart that disappears with him. <\3 When that happens, I'm beyond sad and I miss my friend terribly.

Originally Posted by metarealityseeker

I'm sorry if I sound 'harsh' but I need to vent

First of all, tell me that the universe, source, higher self, god whatever floats ones boat in labels, would condone tearing apart a marriage or having this secret TF (supposedly) for the sake of someone's uncontrolled passion?

Jesus said "there are no marriages in heaven." Maybe you aren't Christian, and that's okay. Consider that affairs have been happening since the dawn of man, that affairs are universal and across all cultures, developed or undeveloped world, no matter what religion or no religion. Consider that it's only been the last 100 years that humans lived well into their 80s or 90s, and that 100 years ago it was not uncommon at all for people to routinely die young -- and remarry quickly. Consider that marriage used to have nothing to do with love at all, and was only available to those who had money, property, or titles, and in those cases, it was expected that people had discrete affairs. That kings had concubines. Yes, check that out in the Bible: how many wives and how many concubines did Solomon have?

Think about ALL of that, and consider, just consider... that it's MARRIAGE that is not and has never been human nature? That it goes against human nature itself? That we are trying to force humans to fall into social constructs and conventions that they continually fail miserably at, precisely because it's so unnatural.

Consider that what IS natural is uncontrolled passion, serial monogamist relationships lasting around 7 years, monogamy with some discrete affairs on the side, polygamy, polyamory...

I have been on both sides of the coin and NEITHER is fun. Karma has a real nice way of kicking cheaters in the edit.

Karma is the biggest bunch of hogwash. Though "do unto others" is not a bad way to live your life.

I met my TF while he was still married. SHAME ON ME however he had not slept with his 'wife' for almost two years and they separated very soon after we met up.

Nice "however" you got there.

HOWEVER when we went through the 'run' stage, he ran back to an old karmic girlfriend from 13yrs ago (didn't last but a few weeks) but let me tell you, I got a taste of my own medicine and it hurt and still does like HELL.

I have a hard time seeing some of these posts of people claiming they have a TF and they are married as if!!!! There are consequences folks and let me tell you, if a woman came along and decided my fiance was her freaking TF I would have more than just words to say, anyway he wouldn't fall for that ****.

Sounds to me like you are feeling insecure that you may have hooked yourself up with a "if he could cheat with you, he'll cheat ON you" type. So you are throwing your anxiety on US, rather than on your TF -- where it may or may not belong.

Work it out, girl... trust him or don't trust him. Acknowledge you are no better than he is, since you got involved with a married man. Open up your black and white "consequences" "karma" etc etc thinking... try on something new for a change.

You know you're not a bad person, don't you? Do you deserve all this shame? You know sometimes guilt can become a self-serving emotion. Stop that. Don't project your insecurities on your TF. Maybe he or isn't the unfaithful sort. You're no princess either, so relax... accept. We're all only just... HUMAN. As I was saying!

Why are we not careful? Why is it that we loose track of what we DO UNTO OTHERS IS ALREADY DONE TO US????

Because we are passionate creatures and our biology and nature coax us over and over into temptation... then our minds kick in and nice and neatly rationalize what we do.

Do you want to feel the hurt you are causing others?

As you can see, I don't care much for social conventions. This, however, I DO care about. Don't hurt others. Although, that said, often hurt is unavoidable. If one wants to be released from the marriage, and the other does not want to let go.... what can you do there? Stay and suffer and die? Cheat, and cheat yourself and your own integrity in the process? Break up... and that person STILL gets hurt. Those are the options, particularly when your partner closes the door on the "work with me to fix the marriage" option.

Believe me, it sucks and trust me YOU DON'T

SO before getting carried away with this fantasy that a married person is your TF, I hope you proceed with caution and know exactly what you are getting into!!!!

People construct all sorts of fantasies to rationalize their actions/feelings. That is very true. Agree with you there. But, it's also a fantasy that every marriage is worth saving, every marriage is worth lasting until death do us part. And it's also a fantasy that you can walk through this life without ever hurting a single soul. Unfortunately.

And, most importantly, it's a total fantasy that humans are meant to be monogamous to one person their entire life. The evidence shows otherwise.

[Quest]

Well said, SQ. I'm with you on this. When you turn it around, it's a tragedy how many people become trapped just BECAUSE of marriage. People tend to forget the pain marriages cause to begin with. It's a mental conctruct, an illusion if you will, but people hang on to it like their lives depended on it! What for? To live in an illusion of not having harmed other people. That's a good excuse to stay in prison rather than make the necessary changes. People also forget that they trap their partners in that same prison by not being honest and by not following their hearts. In my opinion, it's not beneficial to anyone to take someone else's freedom away just because of marriage. I would not want to tie anyone down, especially not someone I love.

twin flame or not, i believe that you have to be faithful with your partner.
if you want to be with your tf or whatever, you have to let your partner go.
sigh...

[Jatd]

I have not read everyone's posts, but while I appreciate your starting the thread I need to speak from experience.

In my first marriage (when I was only 18) my husband was VERY abusive in every sense of the word. I was struggling and looking for a way out, cheating - while it was wrong and hurt people - it was my way out.
In my second marriage - my husband was an alocholic and would run out on me and dissapear for days. I put up with it for a long time, to the point of becoming miserable and so unhappy - until someone came along and took my hand and lead me out the door. Yes I cheated, yes people got hurt... but I wouldn't change a thing. In both cases I was honest and up front to both.. It wasnt about the cheating for me, It was about the way out.

After these marriages, I was finally free to love myself and i became such a happy person.. and THEN I met my sc!! It was perfect until he ran.. and the pain, I truly now believe it had to be Karma coming to bite me in the ***. He's back with his X and I am torn to tattered. But, I deserved it I suppose

That being said .. We all have our issues and reasons. We've all hurt someone at some point in our lives. All we can do is forgive, say we're sorry and try our best not to make the same mistakes and to move forward with love.

[Jatd]

Serpent Queen. thank you so much for sharing what you did! WOW!!!! THANK YOU!!!

[Element 5]

Being married really has nothing to do with the twin flame concept. This is what still gets me to this day. The purpose of a twin flame is not in existence for a physical/karmic/normal relationship. Until people stop looking at it this way, these questions will continue to be asked. Soul mates are the kind of relationships we should look for. Twin flame relationships come TO US in divine timing. Therefore being married is not a factor. Does it complicate things emotionally, sure, but that's the test to see if you get the big picture. God doesn't just put two people on opposite sides of the world and hold us there, wind us up, and say "Go get her!" We are supposed to live our lives the best we can, and work out our issues. If we are married, we are married for a reason, and until we work through all of the experiences we have signed up for, it isn't time anyway. It may not be this lifetime or the next.

Aaaahhh~~
I miss those olden days when people just had an affair without using excuses to cover up their guilty with TF labeling.

BTW, SQ is correct. The marriage concept does not exist in the soul plane. However, souls by themselves do not have genders. If we agreed to be in this physical world, we do need to make right choices for each situation, as a soul in a physical body to be in harmony in this physical world.

[Teal]

I really am glad if your marriage or relationship or whatever your in is wonderful. That is great. I really think that one should really think about things before getting involved with a marriage or any type of union. Communicate

I do believe in karma in most cases. I also believe like I said in the earlier post. It is your CHOICE to cheat or not to. I also believe you should respect both parties life's. if they are married regardless if happily or not back the heck away.

I think it best to be free and happy with yourself before jumping into a union. Deal with all your stuff before.