something i found on runners

[mystical]

Anyone with a level of spiritual awareness has trouble understanding how two people can experience a deep soul connection, share the bliss, joy and divine love that these relationships offer- only to have one partner run.
The mind, heart, soul… no aspect of our being comprehends this. Someone would choose to leave the most amazing thing that can happen between individuals? Yes, they do… we’re calling them Runners.
Runners seem to reach a road block. After a period of ecstasy and connection, the Runner leaves. It can be sudden, or there can be a gradual distancing. Either way, they leave the “aware” partner in the dust- shaken to the core and confused.
What we don’t talk about a lot- because there is little information on Runners, is that they experience a different kind of shock.
A Runner runs for complex reasons but an element they all have in common is that they are thrown-off by the intensity of the relationship. They do not have time to adapt, it’s there right off the bat, the whole ‘soul package’. They don’t intellectually understand it. They feel it, but that’s the problem. Their head and heart/soul are not in alignment.
These same people would be comfortable sticking around if it was no more than physical chemistry. They would be ok if it was only friendship. They would probably be ok if it had been a slow evolution from curiosity to lust to friend to relationship to “soul partner”.
What they can’t wrap their head around is that in one human being (their Soul-Mate/Twin Flame) they are presented with a package that includes all of those things- at the start. No effort required.
They can’t process how this can exist! Even if they believe in such a thing as an ideal soul-mate, they aren’t spiritually prepared to face him/her so they back off & artificially generate a “slow evolution”.
Think of it this way. If they did not feel the same intensity as their partner, they’d be there. Does that sound backwards? Going into shock makes people do things they wouldn’t do in any other circumstances.
Runners can’t seem to explain their own behavior. They don’t know why they act the way they do… if you can get them to talk while they’re in the heat of the confusion, you might hear “I’ve never acted like this in my life. I can’t explain it. I don’t know who I am anymore or why I’m behaving this way. This is not the man/woman I am. I don’t know what’s wrong with me”.
They seem aware they are not themselves but are helpless to stop.
It is a process. It’s tempting to call Runners stupid, isn’t it? What is obvious to us is confusing to them. What is joyful to us is frightening to them. They are fearful that what they feel is not real, that they are making it up & nobody could possibly love them that much. Surely it must be a trick.
They are fearful that if they say yes to a relationship, it could crumble and they could never recover. If they didn’t mutually love their Soul Mate/Twin Flame, they wouldn’t have the fear. Do you see? You can’t loose what you don’t choose.
So you see, while it seems ridiculous, the soul-shock a Runner causes is because they are in shock themselves.
If it gives you any peace, imagine your Runner interacting with anybody BUT you. In your mind’s eye see them. A normal person behaving normally, right?
Does this not tell you that either one of two things are happening? Either this is not your Soul-Mate/Twin-Flame and they are an idiot and you can be happy that they have left.
Or… this is indeed a high level Soul Mate/Twin-Flame whose soul did recognize you, but their mind needs time to catch up.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by mystical

Anyone with a level of spiritual awareness has trouble understanding how two people can experience a deep soul connection, share the bliss, joy and divine love that these relationships offer- only to have one partner run.
The mind, heart, soul… no aspect of our being comprehends this. Someone would choose to leave the most amazing thing that can happen between individuals? Yes, they do… we’re calling them Runners.
Runners seem to reach a road block. After a period of ecstasy and connection, the Runner leaves. It can be sudden, or there can be a gradual distancing. Either way, they leave the “aware” partner in the dust- shaken to the core and confused.
What we don’t talk about a lot- because there is little information on Runners, is that they experience a different kind of shock.
A Runner runs for complex reasons but an element they all have in common is that they are thrown-off by the intensity of the relationship. They do not have time to adapt, it’s there right off the bat, the whole ‘soul package’. They don’t intellectually understand it. They feel it, but that’s the problem. Their head and heart/soul are not in alignment.
These same people would be comfortable sticking around if it was no more than physical chemistry. They would be ok if it was only friendship. They would probably be ok if it had been a slow evolution from curiosity to lust to friend to relationship to “soul partner”.
What they can’t wrap their head around is that in one human being (their Soul-Mate/Twin Flame) they are presented with a package that includes all of those things- at the start. No effort required.
They can’t process how this can exist! Even if they believe in such a thing as an ideal soul-mate, they aren’t spiritually prepared to face him/her so they back off & artificially generate a “slow evolution”.
Think of it this way. If they did not feel the same intensity as their partner, they’d be there. Does that sound backwards? Going into shock makes people do things they wouldn’t do in any other circumstances.
Runners can’t seem to explain their own behavior. They don’t know why they act the way they do… if you can get them to talk while they’re in the heat of the confusion, you might hear “I’ve never acted like this in my life. I can’t explain it. I don’t know who I am anymore or why I’m behaving this way. This is not the man/woman I am. I don’t know what’s wrong with me”.
They seem aware they are not themselves but are helpless to stop.
It is a process. It’s tempting to call Runners stupid, isn’t it? What is obvious to us is confusing to them. What is joyful to us is frightening to them. They are fearful that what they feel is not real, that they are making it up & nobody could possibly love them that much. Surely it must be a trick.
They are fearful that if they say yes to a relationship, it could crumble and they could never recover. If they didn’t mutually love their Soul Mate/Twin Flame, they wouldn’t have the fear. Do you see? You can’t loose what you don’t choose.
So you see, while it seems ridiculous, the soul-shock a Runner causes is because they are in shock themselves.
If it gives you any peace, imagine your Runner interacting with anybody BUT you. In your mind’s eye see them. A normal person behaving normally, right?
Does this not tell you that either one of two things are happening? Either this is not your Soul-Mate/Twin-Flame and they are an idiot and you can be happy that they have left.
Or… this is indeed a high level Soul Mate/Twin-Flame whose soul did recognize you, but their mind needs time to catch up.

lol so accurate!

[Internal Queries]

Originally Posted by miss_believed

lol so accurate!

oh yeah? are you a "Runner"? if not ... how would you know how accurate is this generalization?

i'm a "Runner" and i could tell you why i run but the last time i expressed the why and wherefores of my reactions to my "TF" relationship (gak! i hate that term) i was called a bully and the thread was shut down. the "Stayers" didn't want to hear the "Runner's" side of the story. they preferred to live in their one sided assumptions and wallow in their romantic woes.

Actually, internal queries, I DO WANT TO HEAR IT> message me, if you don't want to write it here.

Thanks for posting this...for it definitely resonates. I think that perhaps all of have been the runner at some point...even though we probably did not even realize that we were doing it at the time.

[Internal Queries]

Actually, internal queries, I DO WANT TO HEAR IT> message me, if you don't want to write it here.

well, i'll try to be succinct.

1. when one critter chases another critter the critter being chased will have one of 2 reactions. it either turns on it's persuer and defends itself or ... it'll run. simple natural base reaction.

2. expectations. "Stayers" have their expectations. they have their romantic notions as to how the relationship "should" work. often these notions have little to do with the reality of the situation and even less about the actual personality of their "TF". and what's worse is that the "Stayer" may have conflicting expectations that are confusing and impossible to fulfill.

3. acceptance or more precisely the lack thereof. a "Runner" may run because they can see there is no way they can fulfill the expectations of their "TF", that the image their "TF" has of them is too incongruent with who they actually are. the pressure to be that "TF" image can get to be too much. so it's "bye bye for now, my beloved but needy and confusing soul connection".

4. responsibility. apparently it's up to the "Runner" to adjust to the expectations of the "Stayer". the "Stayer" need not dig deeper into their own psyches and behaviors so to recognize how their "TF" may be mirroring some aspect of themselves. "Runners" may run because there may be some aspect of their "TF's" Id that is running or that, as in my case, the "Stayer" (though secret from himself) actually enjoys the chase and wants the "Runner" to run.

with all this lack of self awareness intact the "Stayer" can read something like the OP and feel secure that it's the "Runner" who lacks maturity and awareness and is causing disharmony. the "Stayer" can sigh woeful sighs, point fingers at their reluctant "TF" and commiserate with other "abandonned" "Stayers". how convenient.

yeah, i feel rather defensive because i'll twist myself into preztel knots to please my beloved One but as long as it always comes down to me and he need not recognize himself in the equation i'll keep running until he quits chasing me with expections i can't fulfill, acknowledge the hidden expectations i'm already fulfilling and accepts me for who We are.

PS. for all you women "Stayers" out there. masculinity is imbued with natural force and aggression. traditionally men are the hunters so most men don't like to be chased. they usually prefer to do the chasing. that's romance 101.

Thanks for that IQ. Its nice to get a perspective from someone who "runs". My soul connection wasn't ready to aknowledge the connection either. I understood his fear. I had to see him once in person to be able to put myself in his shoes.

I notice that in my dreams, when he has aknowledged our connection, he has only referred to it as "soul connection" and never "Twin Flame" which kind of confirms that maybe my revulsion to the term came from him. As if its not enough that one person is frightened because of the intensity.............adding a label to things probably just adds to what the "runner" feels is extra expectations being put on them.

Originally Posted by Internal Queries

PS. for all you women "Stayers" out there. masculinity is imbued with natural force and aggression. traditionally men are the hunters so most men don't like to be chased. they usually prefer to do the chasing. that's romance 101.

Haha. True that! I had a dream where my soul connection said, "I will make the first move."

I responded to that by jokingly saying, "So I guess jumping your bones right off the bat is out of the question?"

I can respect that, though.

[mystical]

yes must admit i was a runner ,. but my twin does like to do the chasing , if i chase there is no way i can catch him lol

Good stuff guys,


My beautiful soulmate/twinflame is a runner. When she ran, it broke my heart, and took me a long time to break out of the depression thing.

Looking at things more recently, I understand why she ran, and I know it is all part of the plan, for if she didn't run, there wouldn't be room for us to grow, and then we wouldn't get the chance to know who we can really be, even without the other, but especially when we are together.

Put another way, we'd fall into each others personal soup, as we did the first time we were together, I feel now that we can stand on our own as distinct individuals if we were to start our relationship again.

Some advice I was given about what to do with the runner is just to be friends with them. Just be their friend, especially if they are male and you are the female. Just being friends is a good way to stay in touch and not get overwhelmed by how much you miss them because you are not in contact.

And have patience, your HS knows what is going on, they are organizing the event, they know when you will be together again.

Blessings,
E