something i found on runners

[Liladeryn]

Hey Quest
The article said "runners" don’t intellectually understand the connection ..I may be a runner but I do understand the connection in all its good ,bad and spiritual parts..

I left.. I don't really consider it "running" .. I picked my family over my Tf ..Both of us have ran over the years as it was extremely hard to continue as just friends..But I was the last one to "run"..Sometimes its just not meant to be or sometimes other things are just more important

Of course everyone is different..I could of left and been with my Tf but I dont think its as easy as that ..Just because I would of been with him that wouldnt make it all a bed of roses..People would of been hurt on both sides as we are both married to others..

I can understand why people run it can be because the connection is too intense ,maybe they just want something calmer..Maybe they just arnt ready to settle down or just not ready in themselves..Or they just have a life they already love and they dont want to turn that upside down.. It can be for many reasons..It dont mean we dont feel the pain of separation any less or we are less aware than the other or we cant see it all for what it is..

Its just life and Im happy with my "running" It was just what I needed to do for myself and my family and his and I have peace about it all now.. But yes its still hard at times..

[mystical]

i see bnow in the beginnign i was the runner it was only after we split that i was made to realise the conenction and face it , to which then he became the runner .

[Quest]

Thanks Liladeryn. I totally understand where you are coming from.
I have been asking why my TF is on the run. I pushed him to speak the truth about his feelings for me which he wasn't able to do due to old family patterns he seems to be stuck in. I think he is withdrawing now cause he realizes that both of us have work to do before we can reunite. I need to complete the separation from my fiance and he has some soul work to do (me included, I don't think the soul work ever stops actually).

There is always a reason, even if it doesn't seem obvious.

Runners*seem to reach a road block. After a period of ecstasy and connection, the*Runner*leaves. It can be sudden, or there can be a gradual distancing. Either way, they leave the “aware” partner in the dust- shaken to the core and confused.

As an 'ex-runner', I'm disinclined to agree with blanket generalisations, simply because everyone is so vastly different. I didn't reach a road block; I was the brakes. He wasn't 'shaken to the core and confused'; he was hurt, but spiritually aware, mature and unconditionally loving enough to allow me to run, knowing that I would keep 'rubber-banding' back to him.

They don’t intellectually understand it. That generalisation is almost a blanket insult - that runners are automatically lacking in intelligence. It's because I understood it, that I ran, not because I lacked the intelligence to understand.

They feel it, but that’s the problem. Their head and heart/soul are not in alignment. Again, a generalisation. It had less to do with my 'heart and my head' being 'out of alignment', and everything to do with my ego. It was my 'heart and head being in alignment' that always brought me back to him.

These same people would be comfortable sticking around if it was no more than physical chemistry. They would be ok if it was*only friendship. They would probably be ok if it had been a slow evolution from curiosity to lust to friend to relationship to “soul partner”.*What they can’t wrap their head around is that in one human being (their Soul-Mate/Twin Flame) they are presented with a package that includes all of those things- at the start. No effort required.

Oh really, Dr Phil? These generalisations sound as though you're accusing all runners of being 'easy harlots', just out for a 'good time'. The irresponsible idiocy of these comments leave me speechless and feeling a bit gutted. They're so far from the truth and so very unjust in my own instance. I'm so relieved you're not sitting on a jury deciding my 'fate' in this matter.

They can’t process how this can exist! Even if they believe in such a thing as an ideal soul-mate, they aren’t spiritually prepared to face him/her so they back off & artificially generate a “slow evolution”. Again, not the truth in my case and a gross generalisation. It almost sounds as though you've had issues with a runner and decided that all runners must be condemned equally.

Think of it this way. If they did not feel the same intensity as their partner, they’d be there. Does that sound backwards? The more I read these gross generalisations, the more I begin to wonder whether they're coming from a spiritually advanced, compassionate, unconditionally loving being.

Runners*can’t seem to explain their own behavior. They don’t know why they act the way they do… This is becoming repetitive. Perhaps you've not bothered to peruse the posts of some runners in here?

It’s tempting to call*Runners*stupid, isn’t it? Oh I'm sorry, I thought you already had, in the first half of this vitriolic, 'runner-hating' rant. I guess you're just warming up to it.

Does this not tell you that either one of two things are happening? Either this is not your Soul-Mate/Twin-Flame and they are an idiot and you can be happy that they have left. Or… this is indeed a high level Soul Mate/Twin-Flame whose soul did recognize you, but their mind needs time to catch up. Trying to cover your tracks here after taking away with one hand and trying to give back with the other?

"Runners" are very secure, independent, intelligent, and spiritual. I know because I am one.
I just don't feel that my "TF or whatever it is called" is the only road to my happiness or the only purpose in my life.
I have my own life path and mission that I have been working on and solving. It is nice to know that this amazing connection actually exists and that I am surrendering myself to it lately.
If he and I have to have a "physical love relationship" in order for us to achieve our common life goals, I will accept it and will make it happen.
However, if a "physical love relationship" is not in a plan, I am perfectly OK with just knowing that we have this incredible bond. I think what we have is already very beautiful and it just blows away my mind sometimes.
I feel very blessed to have this experience. I understand that this is very rare.
My understanding is that TF relationships are not about romance anyway. It is about serving humanity and life mission

Originally Posted by Nada

"Runners" are very secure, independent, intelligent, and spiritual. I know because I am one.
I just don't feel that my "TF or whatever it is called" is the only road to my happiness or the only purpose in my life.
I have my own life path and mission that I have been working on and solving. It is nice to know that this amazing connection actually exists and that I am surrendering myself to it lately.
If he and I have to have a "physical love relationship" in order for us to achieve our common life goals, I will accept it and will make it happen.
However, if a "physical love relationship" is not in a plan, I am perfectly OK with just knowing that we have this incredible bond. I think what we have is already very beautiful and it just blows away my mind sometimes.
I feel very blessed to have this experience. I understand that this is very rare.
My understanding is that TF relationships are not about romance anyway. It is about serving humanity and life mission

I applaud you, Nada. You've got your head screwed on right!

Hugs
MorningMist

[John Elessar]

Anyone have any which started running, and never "rubber-banded" back? In my case our future interactions were consisted of a 10 minute conversation a year later where she simply reiterated her need at the time to split, and that was that. I was most certainly (as the "Stayer") shaken to the core and confused-why in the world is this person passing up the chance of a lifetime? I do admit being angry for quite awhile afterward (and I'd ignore her completely when I saw her in the library)-my recent negative experience thankfully is passing out of my system much faster.

I do agree that generalizations are just that-mystical's description undoubtedly describes a number of them, but not all or even the majority, so I wouldn't get too bent out of shape if it doesn't fit you. I'd say "don't intellectually understand it" is not a knock on their intelligence per se, but on the limitations of strictly logical thinking when it comes to such things. They can't get their intellects around the blindsiding hit they just suffered to the core of their psyche, so they rationalize it away.

It occurred to me awhile ago that in my case, he knew at the soul level that he had to go... but did not understand it intellectually. Which is not at all to say he lacks intelligence, quite the contrary. It was just that the gap between between mind and spirit was/is so wide that the connection could not be made in a way that he could verbalize. Thus he just went 'poof'.

I don't believe the writer of that article meant it to be read as if runners=morons. And, while I would not like to call him stupid, at first I could totally get the part where the article states it's tempting to call them stupid. I was so blown away at first by his leaving that my first thought was 'man, this must be the dumbest guy EVER, and wow am I ever a terrible judge of character!'

I don't think we will ever see an article written that resonates perfectly with ALL of us.

[spiralfungi]

Originally Posted by Nada

"Runners" are very secure, independent, intelligent, and spiritual. I know because I am one.
I just don't feel that my "TF or whatever it is called" is the only road to my happiness or the only purpose in my life.
I have my own life path and mission that I have been working on and solving. It is nice to know that this amazing connection actually exists and that I am surrendering myself to it lately.
If he and I have to have a "physical love relationship" in order for us to achieve our common life goals, I will accept it and will make it happen.
However, if a "physical love relationship" is not in a plan, I am perfectly OK with just knowing that we have this incredible bond. I think what we have is already very beautiful and it just blows away my mind sometimes.
I feel very blessed to have this experience. I understand that this is very rare.
My understanding is that TF relationships are not about romance anyway. It is about serving humanity and life mission

you sound just like my tf. :) which is a good thing.
and i think we've both come to a point in life where we can live with our own life paths and this bond separately. i think i'm the one who doesn't really understand how sometimes. but we get through and enjoy it as much as we can.