"mean drunk" something spiritually behind it??

Hi!

I honestly don't know where to place this question so I figure I just take a chance and place it here... most likely not the right place?

I don't know if this is even spiritual, but it is something that has always puzzled me.

I really love a special guy in my life who when not drinking is just an ordinary sweet man who does not have bad tempers or anything. BUT...you know...when he starts to drink (and it does not at all have to be much) his eye/look change.Look a little mean. Easily irritated. Thinks he is "all that". Is not considerate. It is little like meeting his evil twin. He does not get, at that stage, how he changes. He never drinks much. He is not looking to get wasted. He stops in time. He has often offered to stay sober and do the driving or stay sober with the reason he has to work the next day. He does not have a drinking problem.

He is not my only experience of this. I just get giddy and happy when I drink, so I am told, and if it serves my memory right ;). One time as we were seated out somewhere where they served us drinks I got it on video (from my cell phone) how he got - his eyes and all. he was also while he was at it rude to me there and then thinking he was only joking, on my expense, who else's, right;). When i showed it to him later it was kinda obvious...til this day I don't like watching it. I did not tell him then and not when I showed him the clip that I did not appreciate it, but he reacted on it himself.

Maybe I should add there is no physical abuse involved, but I have seen him several times push up his arm or get his arm in the way to scoop away someone, a guy, who is disturbing him, someone he does not want to come too close to me, talk to me. The surprise in one's guy's face was something I don't forget. Nobody ask trouble with him maybe because of his physic although he is not that big, or maybe because they see what I see - those mean looking eyes. One time I wanted to go into a party/disco and he flatly refused to come along with the comment "If we get in there I'm gonna loose sight of you and I can't let that happen, that is not a safe place".

He gets the same way if it is at a party or if it is just the two of us in a back garden for instance.

[JosephineB]

Imo it's the subconscious coming through. The drink doesn't suit him, so if he recognises that it'd be best to stay away from it. You say no physical abuse, but what about the psychological side of it. As time goes by, it'll get worse not better if he doesn't get some help with it. You deserve to feel safe and happy. Not on edge when he's on a session.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi!

I honestly don't know where to place this question so I figure I just take a chance and place it here... most likely not the right place?

I don't know if this is even spiritual, but it is something that has always puzzled me.

I really love a special guy in my life who when not drinking is just an ordinary sweet man who does not have bad tempers or anything. BUT...you know...when he starts to drink (and it does not at all have to be much) his eye/look change.Look a little mean. Easily irritated. Thinks he is "all that". Is not considerate. It is little like meeting his evil twin. He does not get, at that stage, how he changes. He never drinks much. He is not looking to get wasted. He stops in time. He has often offered to stay sober and do the driving or stay sober with the reason he has to work the next day. He does not have a drinking problem.

He is not my only experience of this. I just get giddy and happy when I drink, so I am told, and if it serves my memory right ;). One time as we were seated out somewhere where they served us drinks I got it on video (from my cell phone) how he got - his eyes and all. he was also while he was at it rude to me there and then thinking he was only joking, on my expense, who else's, right;). When i showed it to him later it was kinda obvious...til this day I don't like watching it. I did not tell him then and not when I showed him the clip that I did not appreciate it, but he reacted on it himself.

Maybe I should add there is no physical abuse involved, but I have seen him several times push up his arm or get his arm in the way to scoop away someone, a guy, who is disturbing him, someone he does not want to come too close to me, talk to me. The surprise in one's guy's face was something I don't forget. Nobody ask trouble with him maybe because of his physic although he is not that big, or maybe because they see what I see - those mean looking eyes. One time I wanted to go into a party/disco and he flatly refused to come along with the comment "If we get in there I'm gonna loose sight of you and I can't let that happen, that is not a safe place".

He gets the same way if it is at a party or if it is just the two of us in a back garden for instance.

In my experience, that is an indication of alcoholism. I had a close friend whom I witnessed becoming an alcoholic, and his behavior was as you described. He never got drunk, never lost all control. Eventually he developed liver damage and died. Drinking was a family habit: father, mother, brother. All died much younger than average.

Originally Posted by inavalan

In my experience, that is an indication of alcoholism. I had a close friend whom I witnessed becoming an alcoholic, and his behavior was as you described. He never got drunk, never lost all control. Eventually he developed liver damage and died. Drinking was a family habit: father, mother, brother. All died much younger than average.

Hi Inavalan, how tragic with your friend and the family. I understand you thinking that. I have had alcoholism within my family and in a former relationship too and get totally what you mean that the person in question does not get drunk. Neither of these 2 people were "mean drunks", the one in the former relationship got help (Thank God) in time. I was before that seen as "the enemy" regarding to his family because he could not fool me - he could fool them, alright, but i knew because of previous experience of this that this is not something one can fight alone. But you know, his family thought I was exaggerating and there was shame involved. He especially would be partly in denial, and partly wanting to fight this alone without getting help. Fear. I could see through it all with him - the breath mints, the hands trembling, the sudden anxiety etc, etc. At the time, because he did not seek help then, the relationship went down the drain (I left). But later on he did get help. He came in contact with me later to thank me for trying to help him (no reconciliation as I had moved on and he too if I should take a guess).

The one I am referring to now is such a sweet guy otherwise that it is a bit surprising he can get like that. I have seen those who start out jolly and fine and suddenly get a mood swing but often they have been drinking a whole lot before that happens.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi Inavalan, how tragic with your friend and the family. I understand you thinking that. I have had alcoholism within my family and in a former relationship too and get totally what you mean that the person in question does not get drunk. Neither of these 2 people were "mean drunks", the one in the former relationship got help (Thank God) in time. I was before that seen as "the enemy" regarding to his family because he could not fool me - he could fool them, alright, but i knew because of previous experience of this that this is not something one can fight alone. But you know, his family thought I was exaggerating and there was shame involved. He especially would be partly in denial, and partly wanting to fight this alone without getting help. Fear. I could see through it all with him - the breath mints, the hands trembling, the sudden anxiety etc, etc. At the time, because he did not seek help then, the relationship went down the drain (I left). But later on he did get help. He came in contact with me later to thank me for trying to help him (no reconciliation as I had moved on and he too if I should take a guess).

The one I am referring to now is such a sweet guy otherwise that it is a bit surprising he can get like that. I have seen those who start out jolly and fine and suddenly get a mood swing but often they have been drinking a whole lot before that happens.

I believe that in what happens to us, in our lives, there are symbolical messages for our inner-selves, similarly to the way in our dreams there are symbolical messages for our awake-selves.

If we pay attention to your dreams, we find out that our dreams are redundant, meaning that we get series of dreams that have the same symbolic message, although the dreams are different, with different characters and different situations. It is like whoever sends us the message wants to make sure that it reaches us, even if we miss it over and over.

It is likely that a similar thing happens to us in our awake lives. Excepting that this time the message is for our inner-selves, and we are the characters. This is why we often encounter similar "lessons" in different settings, with different people.

I know that when I look back I can see such patterns: situations that repeated over and over, with different characters, in different settings. Even noticing this, it is difficult to recognize the "lesson". Hopefully my inner-self gets it.

Using regression, I found out which is my "life-lesson", but I haven't tried to connect it with the patterns I noticed. I think that I will try it.

So, long story short: maybe those repeated encounters with men you appreciate that have the same drinking problem is a symbolic message for your inner self. Maybe it is even about drinking, but about having a major flaw ... (?) Maybe it is about you being attracted to such men ... (?) You could try to rationalize it, but I believe that rationalizations are unlikely to lead you to the correct answer. You need to look for it intuitively, tapping into your inner source of knowledge and guidance.

Most of us have in us an impulse to help, almost a need, and often we take on projects above our capabilities, which ultimately isn't good, neither for us, the well meaning helpers, nor for the unlucky subjects.

[BigJohn]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi!

I honestly don't know where to place this question so I figure I just take a chance and place it here... most likely not the right place?

I don't know if this is even spiritual, but it is something that has always puzzled me.

I really love a special guy in my life who when not drinking is just an ordinary sweet man who does not have bad tempers or anything. BUT...you know...when he starts to drink (and it does not at all have to be much) his eye/look change.Look a little mean. Easily irritated. Thinks he is "all that". Is not considerate. It is little like meeting his evil twin. He does not get, at that stage, how he changes. He never drinks much. He is not looking to get wasted. He stops in time. He has often offered to stay sober and do the driving or stay sober with the reason he has to work the next day. He does not have a drinking problem.

He is not my only experience of this. I just get giddy and happy when I drink, so I am told, and if it serves my memory right ;). One time as we were seated out somewhere where they served us drinks I got it on video (from my cell phone) how he got - his eyes and all. he was also while he was at it rude to me there and then thinking he was only joking, on my expense, who else's, right;). When i showed it to him later it was kinda obvious...til this day I don't like watching it. I did not tell him then and not when I showed him the clip that I did not appreciate it, but he reacted on it himself.

Maybe I should add there is no physical abuse involved, but I have seen him several times push up his arm or get his arm in the way to scoop away someone, a guy, who is disturbing him, someone he does not want to come too close to me, talk to me. The surprise in one's guy's face was something I don't forget. Nobody ask trouble with him maybe because of his physic although he is not that big, or maybe because they see what I see - those mean looking eyes. One time I wanted to go into a party/disco and he flatly refused to come along with the comment "If we get in there I'm gonna loose sight of you and I can't let that happen, that is not a safe place".

He gets the same way if it is at a party or if it is just the two of us in a back garden for instance.

Alcohol has a tendency to let people's guard down. Your friend might be having a medium/channeling experience.

Originally Posted by asearcher

I don't know if this is even spiritual, but it is something that has always puzzled me.

When people get drunk often a more 'true' version of themselves come through, while your boyfriend seems to react physically others let their hair down on the dancefloor. Alcohol tends to loosen the restrictions that are put on us by ourselves or others, someone who is self-conscious that they dance like a demented octopus might get up and bookie when they've had a good skinful. I'd guess that this is what's happening to your boyfriend, or at least it's part of what's going on. The alcohol is 'freeing' another side of him to come through and manifest itself.

The Spiritual part is what you do with what information you have, if you're going to Love him despite his actions then perhaps some introspection wouldn't be amiss for you. It's also about how you tackle it, if you can communicate with him and tell him how you feel. Maybe you should tell him how the clip made you feel and see if that makes a difference or not. I'd also suspect he has personality issues, it seems that he's very protective of you and if he is then there's a reason behind that which most likely will go back to his childhood. "If we get in there I'm gonna loose sight of you and I can't let that happen, that is not a safe place" suggests security issues. Is he ex-forces by any chance?

Originally Posted by JosephineBloggs

Imo it's the subconscious coming through. The drink doesn't suit him, so if he recognises that it'd be best to stay away from it. You say no physical abuse, but what about the psychological side of it. As time goes by, it'll get worse not better if he doesn't get some help with it. You deserve to feel safe and happy. Not on edge when he's on a session.

Hi JosephineBloggs! I had to read your lines several times and let it sink in. You're right. Thank you. :)

[LadyVictoria]

My mother was a mean drunk so I can relate.

As for spiritual significance...

Someone replied that alcohol brings out the "true self". I don't think it is so much that as it is that alcohol can tear down our inhibitions. Insecurity and other suppressed emotions will surface and that sounds like what is happening with your partner. Insecurity especially in that his jealously really surfaces when he is inebriated around you.

For him working on his insecurities and letting go of surpassed emotions while he is sober may aid him in not becoming mean or belligerent when he drinks, but that is an area of self-improvement that he has to willingly do for himself.

There are two sorts of drunk (-en person) - the happy drunk and the nasty drunk.
It's often those people who are superficially easy-going, calm etc., but who hide their stresses well that turn out to be the nasty drunks. Alcohol is a stupefactive drug and tends to turn off a person's inhibitions. In small quantities it's often said to ease the social process.

In excess it releases someone from their inhibitions and all sorts of pent-up stuff can be let loose. There's a truth in the old Roman/Latin adage: veritas in vino.

The person you speak of probably has a lot of hidden stuff he keeps well under wraps.
.