End of a friendship - heartbroken and crying!

I recently lost a very close friend. Not through death - no, far worse, because the person suddenly wants nothing more to do with me. There was no argument or anything so it came out of the blue.

To say I'm shocked is an understatement - I am absolutely heartbroken! I cannot stop crying and feel as if the floor has been dragged from underneath me.

It was a beautiful friendship, all the more so because there was no romantic interest from him. This allowed me to open up and just be myself without having to worry what he would think, and of course I also expected the friendship to continue - unlike with romantic involvements where there is always the risk that things might not work out.

I could talk to him about everything and anything, we were supportive of each other, we were totally on one wavelength and could talk about anything whether about our past history, spiritual matters, how our day had been - we had so much to say to each other that the conversations got longer and longer. No conversation was ever boring, never did I feel misunderstood, there was never a bad word between us.

I had been through a lot of tragedy and abuse in my life, including just before we became friends (a few months ago) and I had been so terrified of people - but with his support I gained confidence again, I rediscovered my sense of humor, I started laughing again, I had a permanent smile on my face and I felt a lot better. I had hope for the future again, I started to believe in myself again and rediscovered my inner strength. I went from being this terrified tiny girl to believing in myself enough again to know that nobody could ever harm me again and that my abusers (who are still causing me problems) have no power over me.

My situation didn't suddenly get better (there are still abusers causing me a lot of problems) but I started to believe that I could deal with them.

Not only that, I also supported him and I felt so protective of him because he had also been through a lot. I wanted to keep him safe and protect him and hug him - this I couldn't do literally as he is in another country but he was always in my thoughts and I think in that way, I also helped him. I prayed for him and was constantly worried about him - if I didn't hear from him, I was sick with worry and quickly asked him if everything is alright. Each time he told me that he was okay and I was at peace again, knowing that he was safe and that everything was okay.

There was never a moment when he was not on my mind, in my thoughts, in my prayers.

I even lost interest in finding a partner because I just wanted this beautiful friendship to continue, and I knew I could not possibly find anyone who would be so on one wavelength with me and understand me so well. I did not want anyone to come in between my friend and me. I knew I would happily have stayed single for the rest of my life if only I could stay friends with him.

Then all of a sudden I did not hear from him. I asked if he is alright - no reply. I was sick with worry, I could not sleep, I could not do anything, I was besides myself with worry.

And then he suddenly told me he wanted to end our friendship. Well, to take a break from it really - but that's the same. If he just wanted a break and withdraw for a while - I can understand that, some people need alone time for a while. Nothing wrong with that. But he hasn't said he would contact me again after a break. So I don't think he will. I hope he does but I fear he won't.


This is worse than death! I have lost loved ones through death and, as devastating as this is, I am comforted in the knowledge that they are around in spirit, that they are never far. I also know that they did not want to leave me but that they passed over to the spirit world through no fault of their own. I can talk to them and know they are near and understand.

But when a friend suddenly decides to disappear from my life - I don't even have that. Only the constant never-ending awareness that my friend either didn't value the friendship as much as I do - and the fear that I might have said something wrong, that maybe he found someone else to be close to, that maybe he was not who he said he was - who knows? I can never find answers. All I know is that from one day to the next, my world has collapsed and nothing is the same as before. And that I am now in a worse state than when we became friends. He had helped me so much and I had gained so much inner strength and belief in myself - all that is out the window, I am again just this tiny terrified girl, all alone now (I don't have family or other friends), forsaken, forgotten, nobody knows that I even exist.

Before we became friends, I have at times been very sick and was all alone at home crying and with the terrible knowledge that nobody even knows that I exist, certainly nobody cares. It was a terrible feeling. When this friend came along, I thought I would never have to go through something like this again, I believed I now have someone who cares and who I can care about.

All gone - out the window, and I can look forward to another cold and dark winter all alone.

And next month I am going to have an operation (unless it has to be done at a specialist hospital - then I will have to wait a long time for this to be done) - and I will again, just like before, be all alone and sick lying in bed, crying and knowing that nobody cares, nobody asks how I am, nobody knows what I am going through, nobody is assuring me that they are thinking of me, nobody knows I even exist.

Again I have nobody to ask for advice - and he always had the best ideas of what to do, no matter what the problem was.

Again I have nobody I can care about, nobody to love (obviously this was a non-romantic love), nobody to be there for, nobody to feel close to.


I am absolutely heartbroken and my whole world has been shattered. I cannot stop crying - and now no one cares any more. And with this so many questions that I will never find an answer to. I cannot eat or sleep and am losing weight again - and I am already very underweight. When similar things happened before with other people (though this was nowhere near as bad as they had pretended to have romantic interests), someone said to me "this must never happen again" - because of my fragile health and because I had already suffered so much in life. Now far worse has happened and it's killing me.

My whole life has been nothing but tragedy - seems this is continuing, more constant misfortune, more heartbreak, just never anyone who wants to be by my side as a friend or in whatever capacity.


What am I supposed to do?

[blackraven]

Consider this. Sometimes friends come into ones life at a given time to be of help or service to that person and hopefully if the friendship is balanced, the giving goes both ways. Perhaps this friend felt his role in your friendship was coming to an end because he had fulfilled his purpose with you or soul contract if you will.

It hurts when people walk away. I had a friend for a number of years who saw me at a certain point as dark and negative energy, not being on the same advanced level to which she felt her soul was journeying at. In the end I'm better off without the friendship. It proved to be very dysfunctional.

I wish you all the best as you move forward without this person in your life and find personal strengths you may not have found had the relationship gone on.

[eliana israel]

Perhaps he made you so happy, that you wanted to stay in constant contact. And it overwhelmed him. If he is very giving of himself, and a really considerate person, it's understandable that maybe he needs to take some time away. Dont make the same mistake I did. Take the time during the break to find love and happiness within. You can't be dependent on him for happiness, or it will drain him.
I wouldn't fret about it, smile =)

You don't mention where you are. Are there special interest groups, adult education classes, societies you could join just to be among people and possibly make new friends, more realistically "on your door step"?

Some interesting points on here, thank you.

This friendship was indeed balanced, so whatever the reason for what has happened might be, I just don't know.

I don't depend on him for happiness, I am strong in my own right, it just hurts very much because to me, a friendship is about loving one's friends, about caring for each other, and it hurts when that ends.

I have absolutely no interest in hobby groups. I don't get on with most people as the majority of people are abusive, selfish and superficial. I have tried several times going to hobby groups or similar - each time I regretted it when I came across yet more people who abused me, used and exploited me, hurt and harmed me. Never again!

This friend is different, a genuine person, a wonderful person, and that's why we got on so well. We were totally on one wavelength. I have never found that before and never again will.

I would not want to meet new people just for the sake of it. I've had too many disappointments, too much suffering caused by people, and I avoid people now. Not that I hate them, I just can't stand the silly small talk about property prices (here in the UK people love talking about house prices!), about the weather and other silly chit chat. I had found a soul mate in this friend and I will never have that again. I am absolutely devastated.

[eliana israel]

I understand. I just wouldn't jump to conclusions, as he said its only a break.

If all the inner strength you've gathered has gone out the window, where did your strength really lie? That was all I was saying. I understand support systems are a critical part of healing but friends can be here today, gone tomorrow at will. If you're inner strength and happiness is truly from within, you will never have to start over again due to someones temporary absence.

[inavalan]

Maybe you misread his friendship. Maybe his lack of romantic interest was just shyness, and he found now his romantic / sexual fulfilling elsewhere.

If "the person suddenly wants nothing more to do with" you, something happened in his mind / heart that triggered the change. It is likely that you overlooked some signs. There is nothing wrong in that. It wasn't meant to be, and it might be a lesson in this for you, like "things aren't always what they seem to be".

Sure there is also the possibility that he heard something about you, or about something you said about him, that upset him, something that might not be true, and you could clear it up.

In my experience, chasing things you lost usually yields regrets later. Many times we can't see the big picture, and actually a loss, a disappointment are a small price to pay to avoid a bigger one.

Best wishes!

PS: About "what am I supposed to do?". Ask your higher self / Universe / God! Get into deep relaxation, alpha brain waves, and clearly ask whatever you want to know. You'll get immediately an answer in your mind, not a voice, just the knowledge. If you don't get it immediately, reformulate your question, more clear and simple. If you still don't get an answer, that means that you aren't yet supposed to be helped, and you have something to figure out for yourself before getting higher guidance. Be careful for your beliefs not to interfere with what you receive.

[SierraNevadaStar]

I am truly sorry for your loss...I had a friend 'take a break' from our friendship once and they did not say when they would be back either. But they did come back! I am saying this to give you some hope but am also, in my own way, hoping you won't depend on this. I take it this person did not tell you 'why' they felt a need for this 'break'? I feel it would've been more thoughtful and considerate of him to tell you the 'why.'

Like you, I find most people to be 'abusive, selfish and/or superficial.' Overall, I just find the majority of people to be BORING! I am with you on the 'small talk' which is a 'pet peeve' of mine and while I am American, I'm living in the U.K. I can vouch for the fact that they are obsessed with talking about house prices here - that, and the weather! How 'original'! (Zzzzzzzzzzz) I've also lived a tragic life, have chronic health issues and don't have either the time - or the interest - for such nonsense. Thus, I get where you're coming from in seeking out genuine friends with whom you can truly resonate with.

However, please do NOT write yourself off as never finding a 'soul mate' again - okay? You don't know what may be waiting for you in future time. I lost my best friend (to death) when we were 19. No, there will never be another friend like her - but there have since been a few people with whom I get/got along with just as well in some of the same ways and in different ways too.

I do agree with not jumping into a friendship just for the sake of it. I recently dumped an opportunistic, selfish, shallow, user-of-a-'friend' knowing that the only reason I kept company with her was because I was lonely. We really had little in common with her also being 31 going on 15!

I like inavalan's advice about 'going higher' and asking for advice in this situation. Also, consider asking the I Ching if you are familiar with this oracle at all (I don't know if you are). It is especially helpful in situations such as this one.

Most importantly of all - look after yourself, nurture yourself, love and appreciate yourself. Don't pine away. With regards to your estranged friend, as the "I Ching" says in one hexagram's moving line (I'll paraphrase here): Do not chase after the horse. If it really belongs to you, it will come back of its own accord. So, stand still (and this would include looking him up to see what he is up to/what me might be doing, etc., etc.) and try the best you can to make peace with the present (I know its hard because I, myself, am struggling to do this with a different situation!) and you never know what great things could happen in the future. Also, try to eat...I feel like a hypocrite saying this to you (as I tend not to eat when I'm upset too and am also already underweight). But eat you must, sleep - well, you must do that too. In sleep come dreams and in some of those dreams, important insights and answers come - if you ask for them during your waking hours (or just prior to falling asleep). You've got to be strong and keep on keepin on' sweetheart!

(((Hugs)))

I just have to tell you guys this - everything is okay now with my friend, we have sorted out a misunderstanding and we are still friends! I'm so so happy - I just jumped to conclusions there because I panicked due to previous bad experiences (with other people). My bad - should have known he is not like other people, lol. He is just a wonderful person, a beautiful soul!

Thank you to everyone replying - it's good to know there are some great people on this forum! We all learn from interacting with others. I certainly had to learn to not jump to conclusions and to consider more how my friend feels. It's taught me a lesson, a lesson that I had to learn.

SierraNevadaStar - that's interesting that you are from the US but living in the UK. I am also not British, I'm Egyptian but have been in the UK for most of my life. I guess we will always notice the oddities of life in the UK, lol. Very good example with the horse - whatever is meant to happen, will happen.


So sorry to hear you have also had a tragic life. When a lot of things happen, indeed we loose any interest in engaging in conversations about nothing. Tragic circumstances have taught us too much about life as that we could waste time on such nonsense.

I have also had to get rid of fake "friends" that were just users and abusers. The things that fake "friends" have used, or tried to use, me for defy all belief! When this happened I was however not upset at all because they were never real friends. I was always just upset over the fact that most people are like that nowadays.

Very true that I need to look after myself - I feel unable to do that when I am upset but I'm recovering now.

Hugs to you too!

inavalan - very true what you say, indeed I have asked God in prayer for help and I am so glad the situation has been resolved. It wasn't just my doing - my friend has shown a lot of consideration and emotional maturity, without that it wouldn't have been possible to sort this out.

eliana israel - very true what you say, indeed I had been jumping to conclusions - because of previous bad experiences (with other people, not with my friend), but I have learned that it is wrong to make assumptions based on what other people have done. True also about my inner strength - I do have a lot of inner strength and I am lucky that I am aware of that, but that didn't stop me from being very upset over what I thought was the end of the friendship. I felt all weak and lost. It is true though that I shouldn't allow myself to feel like that - we all have to remember our own strength and value ourselves.

Thank you to all of you for your support and I'm so happy that I can share the good news with you that everything has been resolved!

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

I just have to tell you guys this - everything is okay now with my friend, we have sorted out a misunderstanding and we are still friends! I'm so so happy - I just jumped to conclusions there because I panicked due to previous bad experiences (with other people). My bad - should have known he is not like other people, lol. He is just a wonderful person, a beautiful soul!

Thank you to everyone replying - it's good to know there are some great people on this forum! We all learn from interacting with others. I certainly had to learn to not jump to conclusions and to consider more how my friend feels. It's taught me a lesson, a lesson that I had to learn.

SierraNevadaStar - that's interesting that you are from the US but living in the UK. I am also not British, I'm Egyptian but have been in the UK for most of my life. I guess we will always notice the oddities of life in the UK, lol. Very good example with the horse - whatever is meant to happen, will happen.


So sorry to hear you have also had a tragic life. When a lot of things happen, indeed we loose any interest in engaging in conversations about nothing. Tragic circumstances have taught us too much about life as that we could waste time on such nonsense.

I have also had to get rid of fake "friends" that were just users and abusers. The things that fake "friends" have used, or tried to use, me for defy all belief! When this happened I was however not upset at all because they were never real friends. I was always just upset over the fact that most people are like that nowadays.

Very true that I need to look after myself - I feel unable to do that when I am upset but I'm recovering now.

Hugs to you too!

inavalan - very true what you say, indeed I have asked God in prayer for help and I am so glad the situation has been resolved. It wasn't just my doing - my friend has shown a lot of consideration and emotional maturity, without that it wouldn't have been possible to sort this out.

eliana israel - very true what you say, indeed I had been jumping to conclusions - because of previous bad experiences (with other people, not with my friend), but I have learned that it is wrong to make assumptions based on what other people have done. True also about my inner strength - I do have a lot of inner strength and I am lucky that I am aware of that, but that didn't stop me from being very upset over what I thought was the end of the friendship. I felt all weak and lost. It is true though that I shouldn't allow myself to feel like that - we all have to remember our own strength and value ourselves.

Thank you to all of you for your support and I'm so happy that I can share the good news with you that everything has been resolved!

Glad it all worked out for your friendship!