Find the cause of suffering

[sky]

Originally Posted by Gem

Excellent point. Many people like to think these things are simple, but as I infer from what you say, no one wants to suffer, but everyone does. When people say to me it's a simple choice, I think to myself, if only life was that easy. In my own experience and in the experiences of literally everyone I've shared spiritual practice it is something subtle.



Well, I appreciate you saying something more true to life (as opposed to something true to texts) because we are actually dealing with real lived experience.

Texts do come from life experiences.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by sky123

Texts do come from life experiences.

Not yours .

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by sky123

From my experiences I find it's attachment to desire that causes suffering not desire alone. If you try to eliminate desire then you are desiring not to desire... Attachments are transient so we will always suffer loss which causes suffering, The only constant thing in our lives is change, we desire to control our lives and make them permanently fixed and when we realize it's impossible to go against the natural force of the universe then it causes suffering.
Desire all you want, but without the attachment

Easier said than done though, sometimes....

Didn't know where to share this - because of its subtitle: "Lovers crave intensity, Buddhists say craving causes suffering. Is it possible to be deeply in love yet truly detached?" I thought might be a good place.

https://aeon.co/essays/does-buddhist...r-togetherness

[sky]

Originally Posted by davidsun

Didn't know where to share this - because of its subtitle: "Lovers crave intensity, Buddhists say craving causes suffering. Is it possible to be deeply in love yet truly detached?" I thought might be a good place.

https://aeon.co/essays/does-buddhist...r-togetherness

I personally don't see how any kind of attachment can be called love, it's more of a clinging to fulfill my needs.

[Gem]

Falling in love involves emotional attachment, which creates suffering as emotional distress, but love also means accepting the suffering which it involves, so in the bigger picture, the whole scope of taking the good with the bad is accepted.

[sky]

Originally Posted by Gem

Falling in love involves emotional attachment, which creates suffering as emotional distress, but love also means accepting the suffering which it involves, so in the bigger picture, the whole scope of taking the good with the bad is accepted.

Yes falling in love does involve emotional attachment, in my youth I use to fall in love every week but then I realized being in a loving relationship is different and doesn't involve attachment.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by sky123

Yes falling in love does involve emotional attachment, in my youth I use to fall in love every week but then I realized being in a loving relationship is different and doesn't involve attachment.

For example, if your child goes missing, is that emotionally distressing?

[sky]

Originally Posted by Gem

For example, if your child goes missing, is that emotionally distressing?

I don't know Gem as I haven't been it that situation and hopefully never will. You can't imagine you can only experience to get the real feeling of how you would deal with this kind of situation.

[sky]

Gautama Buddha stated attachment to loved ones are causing us to suffer. When some people hear this they say things like, ‘so I can’t love my family, friends or children?’ They this because they are getting attachment and love confused. They really are not the same thing.
Of course we should love and have compassion for our families and friends, in fact we should love and have compassion for everyone. Gautama Buddha wasn’t cold-hearted or a killjoy, he was stating a fact of life, holding onto people causes us endless suffering. Love people, for sure, but what we shouldn’t do is hold onto them as though they belong to us and they are going to be around forever. It is this holding on tightly, and thinking people are permanent, that is causing us to suffer.

We think this person is mine and I will always have them. So when they die, leave us or simply stop caring for us we are not mentally prepared for it and we invariably suffer. This is attachment, it is not love.

If we understand that things change and nothing lasts forever, we will be able to love without attachment, and in my eyes that is true love. Enjoy the people around you at the moment, but keep in mind that someday they will not be there. This is love.

There is a fine line between love and attachment, but if you can separate the two, you will be able to cherish the people around you without causing them or you suffering.



Taken from Buddhismguide. org

[jonesboy]

Originally Posted by Gem

For example, if your child goes missing, is that emotionally distressing?

It sure could be and you can see where being so caught up in the emotion of it one can start to make really bad decisions. Really get upset physically from the upset.

When all along they were playing in the closet with headphones on.

All of those upsets are our attachments that keeps us from clarity. From seeing things as they truly are.

We can justify the positive and negative aspects of justified anger, outrage, etc.. each is still an attachment and can change based on ones culture and beliefs.

One can work on them, let them go and realize greater clarity in daily life as a result.