Constant reminders of old crush, is this synchronicity?

[ashleybrianna1]

There’s this guy I met my freshman year in college that seems to be stuck in my head and if feel like it means something.

So I first crossed paths with him in the dining hall as I was eating, we had a class together so he asked me what grade I got in it. I then saw him again when I was walking home from the dining hall later that night. I knew him and his friend had stopped and were waiting to talk to me, so I tried to take a shortcut through this building, only for the door to be locked. I had no choice but to walk by him and I ended up giving him my number cause he seemed nice. The next day I was leaving to go home for break and I just happened to run into him again, he walked me outside and even offered to meet my dad, which is something you don’t see often in college from a guy. But after that, we texted for a little bit then went on with our break. We get back to school and have a class together but we don’t sit by each other, and I don’t know when it happened but I just started getting a huge crush on him. We had multiple classes last semester but I never paid attention to him and now I was crushing hard. We never really texted either but every time I saw him around campus he would have the biggest and cutest smile. I tried to text him and see where things could go but it didn’t work out, I guess he moved on to someone else. It’s the end of the school year now and I’m still crushing hard on him, and he ends up telling me when I ran into him one day that he’s deciding to move schools all the way up north to play basketball. Now I’m telling myself I have to get over him, it’s not meant to be.

Fast forward past summer, in which we never talked and it’s the new school year. He’s playing basketball at his new school and I’m back at the old one, but I’ve gotten over him now. I decide to join this organization in which I was really interested in, and his sister who looks just like him happens to be one of the leaders, making me see her all the time now. Also, I end up becoming good friends with his best friends that are still here because we had the same class and lived in the same building, wondering what things would be like if he had stayed. It’s like a constant reminder of him making me miss him, even though we were never really a thing. So I start getting those feeling I had for him back again, but over the recent Christmas break, I get over it because it’s really unnecessary for me to be stuck on him. Next thing you know the second semester starts up again and he ends up texting me out of nowhere. He says things such as how it was his fault we never got to know each other more and he regrets that and missed out on a girl like me. He’s was very nice and genuine it seemed so I couldn’t even be mad at him for popping back up like that on me. I just don’t see why it had to happen after I resolved my feelings for him yet again.

Part of me wonders it was a sign that door was locked that day we met for a reason making us cross paths and me to fall so hard for him, considering I paid him no mind in the beginning. Or that I would become good friends with his friends and be in organizations now with his sister as a constant reminder of him even though he’s not here anymore. I feel like my feelings keep coming back for him for a reason when all I want is to be over him and at peace. I’m willing and want to move on and have been keeping my eye out for other cute guys but it’s like I can’t, he’s always in the back of my mind. Maybe we still are connected in a way because we will meet again in the future. Am I just overthinking things are does this potentially mean something??

[pluralone]

Welcome to the forum!

Yes I think you're overthinking some things but also underthinking some others. You might want to take a look at what all of this tells you about your self and, to a lesser degree, how you relate to other people. Maybe set aside the personalities and specific details of these experiences and just look at your own thoughts and emotions as well as the energy produced by these thoughts/emotions. You might get a really good, holistic look at you that way.

I could be way off base here, but it seems to me you're feeling unsettled, uneasy ... and maybe like you're missing something in your life. Really often when folks feel like something is missing they interpret that as loneliness or the need for a romantic relationship. That isn't always the missing piece. You might want to explore your thoughts/emotions/energy; see if you can determine what you're missing or what else might be causing you to think and feel the way you do right now. Could be you'll find all of this is about something other than what you suspected, or it could be you'll get confirmation that your thinking has been on the right track.

What ever comes of this, I hope you'll keep us posted. =-)

[ashleybrianna1]

I really do feel that I may be missing something in my life and was hoping it was him. But I'm going to try and look more within my self instead, and find some inner peace :) Thank you for the advice!

[OmonRa]

It's very well possible that this guy could be that part that is missing in your life, but like @pluralone said, look at yourself first. I had a similar experience in college with a girl, we had a deep connection, spent a lot of time together, but it never progressed beyond a great friendship; though most of my college years (and after) I spent a lot of time thinking about her. I can't speak for her, but I know for me there was something that felt so right, but at the same time, not at all. That may have just been me and a lack of confidence, but looking back on it, I think the whole point of the relationship was to help me be comfortable in that uneasyness or unsure-edness. She's still a friend today, and I really don't know if it would be the same if we had had a romantic relationship. I wouldn't necessarily wall this guy off, but look at yourself and why you would like a relationship with him. Having said that, you're young and still in college. While I definitely believe in knowing yourself and your motives, there is merit to living life and just trying things. There's a balance between analyzing/contemplation and action. Sometimes the best move is to sit and think on it, sometimes it's to simply exist in the now and go with your instincts. There's no right or wrong, only lessons to be learned.

[ashleybrianna1]

This is very late, but thank you for your reply! I've come to find out that I really just had a lot of things to work on within myself. Me liking him so much really just helped propel me to see these things such as jealousy and my self-confidence that I didn't realize I had such bigs issues with :)

[The Magi]

its just about the way its making you feel. that is something you need to heal more of, your higher self makes you see that to get in touch with it

[ashleybrianna1]

Yes that’s true too, it use to make me feel like I was crazy for feeling the way I did lol, so I would usually just try to repress my feelings. But I’ve been learning as of late to take a step back and try to understand why I feel the way I feel which has helped.