little update

[Christine]

A lot of past connections have been popping up in my life again and all of them are being released. ...i am honestly trying to cut the bull***** ...I maybe just met his guy so he can make me see i'm full of **** and this whole twin flame thing was for my EGO to enjoy not for the TRUE SELF lol

Eg my childhoods friends brother who I used to 'flirt' with
Some guy from high school who I used to be the 'cool attractive girl' for
guy from 10 years ago who i was the 'mysterious emotional' person
etc etc all have been appearing and I am 'over' keeping up this gratification my ego got from them...them finding me hot, unattainable, mysterious, etc. maybe my "TF" was the biggest 'gratification' for this self...the cool attractive perfect smile slightly bad boy but good heart and i was the 'honest' 'spiritual' 'good' girl. but probably still all came from a false place......It makes me kind of sad to think this could be the case ...bruised ego!! haha... because I still felt i really was being honest and kind and 'myself'whatever I was then...it really was genuine and wholehearted.......but whatever...

[Christine]

SELF REJECTION energy to the max haha ;)

[ForgedInFire]

Originally Posted by Christine

...i am honestly trying to cut the bull***** ...I maybe just met his guy so he can make me see i'm full of **** and this whole twin flame thing was for my EGO to enjoy not for the TRUE SELF lol

lol and so how do you intend to do this? it made me think of something funny.. twin flames-the breakfast of egos worldwide

[Christine]

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

lol and so how do you intend to do this? it made me think of something funny.. twin flames-the breakfast of egos worldwide

well I am happy removing the twin flame label and everything
I still like this guy, why did i try to look attractive for him? - cause i liked him
why did i get nervous ..because i liked him
why did i hate him so much and go nuts ... because I liked him and forced myself to stay even when he was a piece of **** lol
why did i force myself to stay and not be mature and walk away? - because i know every human is good and maybe all they need is someone to show it to them

all my intentions were still the highest intention.
i mean we can say it is that for the other guys as well...my intentions were to not get hurt, and just be honest whatever it meant at the time

[jro5139]

Usually if someone is being destructive and you try to stay to "help" them, you just end up enabling them... sometimes the best way to love someone is to let them go.

So it sounds like these encounters gave you and ego bust but then it bruised your ego because it didn't work out? I'm trying to understand... I wish I had gotten an ego bust. My ego was fine before... My ego was fine not believing in love, not looking for love, not having feelings for anyone and I was perfectly happy being alone. I was so content and only met him doing something that I was doing to better myself. In fact, before I met him I figured if I ever got married it would be for money (because I didn't believe in love) so I was going to find some well off guy that I could stand to sleep with (wasn't too gross) and make a deal with him ( I know it sounds ridiculous now) but then I met (whatever he is) and I didn't even care about his money. I just don't know if I would be where I am spiritually if I hadn't met him because I feel all the work on self I did helped push me into ascension.

[Christine]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Usually if someone is being destructive and you try to stay to "help" them, you just end up enabling them... sometimes the best way to love someone is to let them go.

So it sounds like these encounters gave you and ego bust but then it bruised your ego because it didn't work out? I'm trying to understand... I wish I had gotten an ego bust. My ego was fine before... My ego was fine not believing in love, not looking for love, not having feelings for anyone and I was perfectly happy being alone. I was so content and only met him doing something that I was doing to better myself. In fact, before I met him I figured if I ever got married it would be for money (because I didn't believe in love) so I was going to find some well off guy that I could stand to sleep with (wasn't too gross) and make a deal with him ( I know it sounds ridiculous now) but then I met (whatever he is) and I didn't even care about his money. I just don't know if I would be where I am spiritually if I hadn't met him because I feel all the work on self I did helped push me into ascension.

Interesting assumption.
But it was more like
i'm looking for this guy who probably does not exist, i feel a sense of rejection due to this like i'm 'alone' in the world, and i therefore will spend time with someone who will be a great friend (my ex) , yet something just feels it's too 'friendshippy' and nothing 'romantic' in with it.
then i suddenly meet guy who does not exist, get 10000 signs and random occurrences to create this meeting, realize there is no way i can be 'the partner' or 'make someone happy', think relationships are stupid, don't care about love anymore. lol

[jro5139]

All that has happened to me too... why do I have stronger feelings for a guy that I saw a few times a week and hung out with a couple of times a week for 2 years and only ever kissed than a guy that I lived with for 6 years or a guy I had 2 kids with and was engaged to? I never had any syncs with these guys either, why syncs with a guy who is married when I meet him or unable to accept love? Why prophetic dreams now? Does any of it make any sense?

[Christine]

Originally Posted by jro5139

All that has happened to me too... why do I have stronger feelings for a guy that I saw a few times a week and hung out with a couple of times a week for 2 years and only ever kissed than a guy that I lived with for 6 years or a guy I had 2 kids with and was engaged to? I never had any syncs with these guys either, why syncs with a guy who is married when I meet him or unable to accept love? Why prophetic dreams now? Does any of it make any sense?

Don't think making sense of anything will ever work u just have to take day by day :/ what made sense to me like 100% can be totally switched around or sound ridiculous another day, best just not try to define is now where I'm at

[Christine]

Like even this person who wrote the message above im already willing to let go off again. Everything becomes kind of outdated