Is it worth it?????

[Akira]

Hello All...

I have not been on here since last year properly. Things were going well for me and him and then tonight happened!!!!!!

And do you know what!! I am sick of it, sick of being misunderstood, sick of him saying he loves me while treating me in the opposite way when the mood arises...
Of course tomorrow may bring a new take on this...
He's a bit of a royalist and I am not and we kinda disagreed a bit tonight. It wasn't even a big thing, we just have a different opinion. However it turned into WW3, he hung up on me. I reciprocated!! I am sad to say we fell into old patterning. We have not behaved this way for a while.
I sent him texts, noticed his phone was off .. He switched his phone off on me... Another behavior from the past.

We have been talking about moving into together and this happens and I am all like, no I will not experience this level of crazy again. I can't, I deserve better. It just seems to me that we keep circling and circling and never really getting to the place where I feel secure. Okay I did feel secure, but then tonight happened and I'm like, No not this level of crazy again. I can't live with the same old same old happening again and again. Whatever he is!!!!!!!!!!

Actually thinking about dis-connecting, not sure, I don't think that I have the stamina in me to make it. I am exhausted and I am sure that there is a companion soulmate out there that will be easier to be with.

I feel as if I have had it!!!
Love is meant to be fantastic, tonight has been the opposite...
Sorry to drone on, just wanted to talk to someone and no one understands this apart from this community.. Could be time to move onwards and upwards...
Maybe this is what all the dis-connect has been pointing to?

Oh this is something else, a couple of months ago i was dis-connected for a while because my internet died...

Anyway enough of me moaning, it will do what it's going to do I guess.

Well, to me, love is about converging, to being together knowing and compromising to allow it to flourish. There'll be bad days for you individually but hopefully enough empathy to recognise when a bad mood isn't because of the other, just something external, and treading warily during those times. Can't be helped, the pressures we're under these days.

But your situation sounds like a loop, a recurring circle. Is there really a future in a relationship that's abrasive (once you defrock it of the initial romance) and getting nowhere. If quarrels happen now, slamming phones down and things, is it worth it? Is there anything that could push it forward in a positive way, common interests that can connect without risk of confrontation?

Moving in together is not a solution as you'll be exposed to each others' habits day in, day out. If all's well, compromises could be reached but abrasion now should be a warning light.

Probably best to let it go on a while. It's dead easy uttering "I love you," but how does that manifest in gestures, in behaviour. Does he truly appreciate you? Does it show? Not a question of buying gifts but rather support, encouragement, relying but not taking you for granted. And likewise you with him?

Just from my point of view though, it doesn't seem to hold much future. How long have you been together, if I may ask?

♥

[jro5139]

Aw Akira, big huge to you! Obviously I'm in no position to give relationship advice, but I do know that communication is key and maybe a break is in order. In any case, lots of love to you!

[ForgedInFire]

Time for some boundaries id say. I wouldnt let anyone treat me that way not even a twin flame either.(especially NOT them they suck already lol) If anyone acts that extreme over petty things id not want to be around if it were a serious situation.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Akira: It just seems to me that we keep circling and circling and never really getting to the place where I feel secure.

that, to me, seems the fundamental issue.
place first things first.
get secure within your own being, before you seek stability elsewhere.
know yourself, know your intentions, then proceed from there.
when misunderstandings or conflicting ideas surface, revert to your
position of self assurance and clarify your point of view (to him).
share why particulars are of vital importance to you (if they are),
or let the trivial things go as meaningless details (if they are).
if you cannot find accommodation for your vitally important
points of interest, you don't belong in that relationship (imo).

[Akira]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Well, to me, love is about converging, to being together knowing and compromising to allow it to flourish. There'll be bad days for you individually but hopefully enough empathy to recognise when a bad mood isn't because of the other, just something external, and treading warily during those times. Can't be helped, the pressures we're under these days.

But your situation sounds like a loop, a recurring circle. Is there really a future in a relationship that's abrasive (once you defrock it of the initial romance) and getting nowhere. If quarrels happen now, slamming phones down and things, is it worth it? Is there anything that could push it forward in a positive way, common interests that can connect without risk of confrontation?

Moving in together is not a solution as you'll be exposed to each others' habits day in, day out. If all's well, compromises could be reached but abrasion now should be a warning light.

Probably best to let it go on a while. It's dead easy uttering "I love you," but how does that manifest in gestures, in behaviour. Does he truly appreciate you? Does it show? Not a question of buying gifts but rather support, encouragement, relying but not taking you for granted. And likewise you with him?

Just from my point of view though, it doesn't seem to hold much future. How long have you been together, if I may ask?

♥

We've been together 6 years. I know why it happened and to be honest forged has hit the nail on the head. I am useless at creating boundaries!!!

You know the question of does he appreciate me?? It's a tough one to answer when society attributes all the big gestures as the meaningful ones.

I'd say yes, he's is, I needed this though, I needed to understand where I am in all this ...

[Akira]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Aw Akira, big huge to you! Obviously I'm in no position to give relationship advice, but I do know that communication is key and maybe a break is in order. In any case, lots of love to you!

I am on that page, a break always frightens people, they think that it is over. Not really realising that sometimes space can help the pairing to see where they have been going wrong individually. Humans are so prone to blame when the other party is within their sphere.

[Akira]

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

Time for some boundaries id say. I wouldnt let anyone treat me that way not even a twin flame either.(especially NOT them they suck already lol) If anyone acts that extreme over petty things id not want to be around if it were a serious situation.

I agree with this, it is completely a boundary issue. One that I have been grappling with for some time.

In order to alleviate the stress I have pulled back. Created time for myself. Whenever he gets mad about stuff and I say that I do not want to re-hash the argument. He goes right on with the re-hash, ignoring my request and starting another argument. I don't need this in my life and if the only way to remove it is to remove him, then so be it.

[Akira]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

that, to me, seems the fundamental issue.
place first things first.
get secure within your own being, before you seek stability elsewhere.
know yourself, know your intentions, then proceed from there.
when misunderstandings or conflicting ideas surface, revert to your
position of self assurance and clarify your point of view (to him).
share why particulars are of vital importance to you (if they are),
or let the trivial things go as meaningless details (if they are).
if you cannot find accommodation for your vitally important
points of interest, you don't belong in that relationship (imo).

I agree with this, it can be hard though right when the person that you love turns into a person that you feel does not value and respect you. However, as Forged has said, this is about my boundary issue. I have been slow at ensuring that people do not step over my boundaries throughout life. Mind you there were probably no boundaries. I was such a people pleaser.

So for now it's to create clear boundaries so that he realises that I no longer need to be the way that makes him feel better about himself.

There was a point in our argument on Thursday in which I could hear him aiming to coerce me into thinking the way that would validate what he was saying. I said that I did not care about the said thing and he kept on asking me the same question over and over. Of course I know that he was completely in his ego at this point.

However, I have got to develop clearer and stronger lines/boundaries ... Onwards and upwards.