Possible past life as a soldier

[Colorado]

I've had these random flash backs, and dreams of looking into a mirror...and wearing a tan military uniform. It looks old, like possibly from the civil war era. I'm a young guy, looking at myself in the mirror. Then I go to the window and look outside. I always chalked it up to imagination as I don't particularly relate to that time period. I was looking for another time and person years ago, when I did a past life regression. Again, just a small glimpse of this same scene of being a soldier...I think the older I have gotten, there are things in my life...issues I may have, that go back to this life. One of the oddest things that happens several times a month...is right before I wake up, the last maybe five seconds of sleep...I hear cannons going off and gun shots. I still have the last few seconds of my dreams invaded. It's so weird, because it doesn't have anything to do with my dreams. The last time, was earlier this week...right before I woke up, I distinctively heard two cannon balls in the distance and gun shot right behind my left ear, in the back of my head...and then I woke up. If this is true....I think I died. Sometimes, right before I wake up...I just hear it in the distance, and sometimes it's up close by my head. And then everything goes black and I wake up. Another time I had the strangest dream....it was evening, and I was standing in the grass watching them( this dream was Sepia colored) and I see its on a dirt road, in the country. There are horses infront, a wooden coffin, horses in back...and town's people, walking and following the men on horses behind the coffin. I think it relates to that life...I think I saw my own funeral. I also seen a young girl, close to my age...with dark blue eyes...it's night time...and it's raining...and I'm sitting next to her on her bed and she is lying down, but she doesn't see me there. She is very upset and I can see she has been crying...and I actually heard her pray, like a wish...to see me again, this was sometime after the funeral, but I don't know how long because there didn't seem to be a way to know the time.I just remember sitting next to her, watching her cry and being in total shock and blaming myself for being so stupid. I don't think I ever felt so sad, or guilt ridden. I don't think I saw it coming...I think I don't think I knew what I was getting into, and I didn't see it coming, I really thought I was going to go home. I was really young and naive. The weird part is...it's like I'm going in and out of consciousness, most times I'm asleep, it's total darkness and I'm dead...and other times I'm awake for short periods, for certain events. Like the funeral, or my gf thinking about me...or something like that. It seemed my loved ones emotions kept pulling me back there for short periods..but for the most part, I was in darkness and death. Asleep. The consciousness I had, was when they thought of me.

[paperfairy]

The way in which we awaken to our previous lifetimes still fascinates me. I haven't had dreams as detailed as yours at this point but only strong inclinations towards certain subjects, periods of time. Honestly, I had someone give me a past life reading and was very surprised at what I was told but a deeper part of me resonated with the information. I hope you get whatever answers you may be seeking.....

[Colorado]

Thanks. I have a feeling that's where I lost myself. Possibly in that lifetime, I'm not sure. I know that I have the same thoughts in the dreams as I do in my life. I don't trust things, people or myself.... and even though I didn't do or never have done anything awful to anyone, I still feel guilty for some of the choices I made that that have hurt others, unintentionally, out of ignorance really. It all seems these choices are made out of not knowing consequences, or not being fully able to understand myself. I often leave people thinking, why the hell did you do that for... When I dont even know why. I think I'm really lost, there's a whole side to myself that I have forgotten and buried away. A side that I've pretty much have drowned out with alcohol and drugs each time it comes up...it's weird because it's nothing really bad, it is not wanting to get close to people, staying away from others, not wanting anything from them...isolating myself. I think the issues I have are about abandonment, whether it's myself or with others. I keep things light and logical... And in doing so, I make things more complicated with others I think. At least that's how others feel with me as a friend or family member. Look, I think if I don't get too close, they won't need me, they won't be too hurt when I'm gone. I do notice that some people have a tendency to get too emotionally or attached to me... Codependency type issues and it's really hard for me to set boundaries without completely shaking them off and leaving them. I'm an Aquarius life path, I don't think I can have a healthy relationship with anyone who isn't independent or able to stand on their own two feet without leaning on me too much. I have a problem with that. These are all adults who blame me for their bad choices, after leaning on me too much, people I have pull away from eventually or stop answering their calls altogether. These people do not want to let me go, no matter how much I pull away... Because there's something missing in myself that is cold and detached. I think all this sort of ties itself in together.