Finding the ability to forgive

[LadyMay]

If you want to forgive I think that's the biggest step taken. I also say to people that I believe forgiveness is more a journey sometimes than just a sudden decision. And you might have to keep re-forgiving people who have hurt you in the past. What I do if I want to forgive but am unable to is pray for the grace to forgive, pray for forgiveness for myself for not being able to forgive (it's important to have forgiveness of self), and then pray blessings over those people I consider my enemies. I've found it easier blessing them rather than forgiving, and it can then turn into forgiveness from there over time.

[lomax]

Originally Posted by django

I went to a church service yesterday (it happened to be Anglican), I haven't been in a long time, and there was a lot of emphasis on forgiving others and some talk of loving thy neighbour.

Because someone else was steering the theme, and not me just pursuing my own interests, I was able to examine where I fell short in this Christian ideal, I listed the people I hadn't forgiven, and I acknowledged to myself that I was incapable of forgiving these people.

But at the same time Christianity says that the Holy Spirit can help me do what I cannot do. Thus I can give over to this promise of the Holy Spirit, to overcome my ego, my lack of forgiveness, my sin, which I cannot overcome myself. I cannot, but the Holy Spirit can.

I'm not saying I've managed it yet, but it does sound like a productive path to me.

I tell you my experience with forgiving.
I was hurted badly by others,and now i can't find my inner peace.Every kind of psychological trauma i had experience in the past,is coming to the surface again and again.

I tried to forgive,i try to just let go,i try to heal my self,but now i see the truth clearly.

Instead of forgiving them for what they've donne to me,i'll destroy them,and then i'll fogive MY SELF for what i did to them.For me it's the only way to get rid of the burden.

There's no right or wrong with this.It's only a matter of choice.

[Morpheus]

Certainly, when we have been victimized and are "victims", we can acknowledge that.
But life is more than this temporary situation in which we find ourselves, and God has done so much with respect to that for us, in the atoning work of His Son.

[lomax]

Originally Posted by Morpheus

Certainly, when we have been victimized and are "victims", we can acknowledge that.
But life is more than this temporary situation in which we find ourselves, and God has done so much with respect to that for us, in the atoning work of His Son.

Letting others to poison your soul is unforgivable.You commit a sin against your own self.

If it's only a temporary situation,then there's no problemto spin the tables and make your enemies to experience a ''temporary situation'' right?

[django]

7L your father sounds like a doozy! One of the main people I can't forgive is my father, he was mean, nasty and abusive. I've done a lot of psychological work to heal myself emotionally, but that hasn't yet naturally led to forgiving. This is the first time the idea of forgiving has even entered my head.

How do you forgive abuse? How can you not judge abusive behaviour?

Sky, I feel the Holy Spirit can help, where I find myself unable to wrap my head around not judging and forgiving. Something beyond my mind's capacity. If I were Hindu I might say I give over to my higher Self which is connected to God.

Not judging and forgiving are just things my normal mind doesn't seem to be able to manage, but I appreciate the value Christianity places on forgiveness, and I am inclined to trust that to achieve it would be positive for all concerned.

Lomax, I get what you are saying, and I wouldn't be recommending that you forgive the people who hurt you, but trying to heal yourself over time is a worthwhile goal, I've spent decades at it, and I do overall feel better now than I used to.

[Tobi]

I am beginning to wonder....
Is forgiveness an action that we Do, or decide to do?
Or is it that we enter a state where we allow it to happen and don't resist it?

(Resistance can come from looking at a situation/relationship from a denser perspective, or could be created by denser thought patterns and sense of hurt or lingering pain which we have identified with and find it hard to move away from. Or we may be unwilling to, as we may feel such a thing to happen must not ever be forgotten as it was dangerous and caused great pain -and that is the survival-self speaking.)

On some levels of Soul there is not even any need for forgiveness. It just IS. Naturally because of the elevation we happen to be on which is so beautiful.

I am not saying that in an "airy-fairy" way, as I have at least a couple of terrible things in my past brought about by someone else.
I have just found it interesting to explore the mechanism of what we call "forgiveness".


I wonder if it is about our own viewpoint and perspective?

[MARDAV70]

Originally Posted by django

I went to a church service yesterday (it happened to be Anglican), I haven't been in a long time, and there was a lot of emphasis on forgiving others and some talk of loving thy neighbour.

Because someone else was steering the theme, and not me just pursuing my own interests, I was able to examine where I fell short in this Christian ideal, I listed the people I hadn't forgiven, and I acknowledged to myself that I was incapable of forgiving these people.

But at the same time Christianity says that the Holy Spirit can help me do what I cannot do. Thus I can give over to this promise of the Holy Spirit, to overcome my ego, my lack of forgiveness, my sin, which I cannot overcome myself. I cannot, but the Holy Spirit can.

I'm not saying I've managed it yet, but it does sound like a productive path to me.

Even though you may not like the actions/behavior of some, that doesn't mean you can't forgive them. I saw an excellent analogy a couple weeks ago on YouTube from a man that had a NDE (I had one too, and what he said was what I felt, but he put into words so very well). Imagine you go to a play. One character does something terrible. Do you hate the actor for it or the character?
We're consciousness (the actor) that incarnates into these bodies (the character in a play). We develop our character as to how we deal with our ego. When the part of the character is finished and we take off our costume (when we die) we go home (consciousness returning to it's source) and return to our true selves until the next part comes up (incarnation).
Think about it. I hope this helps you.

[neil]

I know two female siblings, both sexually molested on a number of occasions by their father when they were young.

After it all stopped for them, one of them forgave him and the other did not.

The one who forgave him, grew strong and loving, happily visits her father, and trusts and loves everyone that she comes in contact with in life. got married to a nice guy, just about owns a home and has two wonderful children and is now working for herself in childcare...by age 30.

The that did not forgive, wound up on drugs can not trust anyone, can not hold down a job, attracts useless boyfriends, is not married no house no prospects and is prone to deceit. etc...well before age 30.

[sky]

Originally Posted by django

7L your father sounds like a doozy! One of the main people I can't forgive is my father, he was mean, nasty and abusive. I've done a lot of psychological work to heal myself emotionally, but that hasn't yet naturally led to forgiving. This is the first time the idea of forgiving has even entered my head.

How do you forgive abuse? How can you not judge abusive behaviour?

Sky, I feel the Holy Spirit can help, where I find myself unable to wrap my head around not judging and forgiving. Something beyond my mind's capacity. If I were Hindu I might say I give over to my higher Self which is connected to God.

Not judging and forgiving are just things my normal mind doesn't seem to be able to manage, but I appreciate the value Christianity places on forgiveness, and I am inclined to trust that to achieve it would be positive for all concerned.

Lomax, I get what you are saying, and I wouldn't be recommending that you forgive the people who hurt you, but trying to heal yourself over time is a worthwhile goal, I've spent decades at it, and I do overall feel better now than I used to.

I still can't work out how the holy spirit helps but if you think it does then it does.


'One of the main people I can't forgive is my father, he was mean, nasty and abusive.'


Have you tried feeling compassion for your Father ? Ask yourself.


What makes someone behave like that.
Was he abused as a child.
What happened in his life to cause his behavior.
Why couldn't he show love.

If you could understand why he was the way he was then mybe that would help you, he must have been a very sad Man, don't carry his misery on your back for the rest of your life.

Hope you find solace

[lomax]

Originally Posted by django

7L your father sounds like a doozy! One of the main people I can't forgive is my father, he was mean, nasty and abusive. I've done a lot of psychological work to heal myself emotionally, but that hasn't yet naturally led to forgiving. This is the first time the idea of forgiving has even entered my head.

How do you forgive abuse? How can you not judge abusive behaviour?

Sky, I feel the Holy Spirit can help, where I find myself unable to wrap my head around not judging and forgiving. Something beyond my mind's capacity. If I were Hindu I might say I give over to my higher Self which is connected to God.

Not judging and forgiving are just things my normal mind doesn't seem to be able to manage, but I appreciate the value Christianity places on forgiveness, and I am inclined to trust that to achieve it would be positive for all concerned.

Lomax, I get what you are saying, and I wouldn't be recommending that you forgive the people who hurt you, but trying to heal yourself over time is a worthwhile goal, I've spent decades at it, and I do overall feel better now than I used to.

As you allready said you spend decades at it.Are you sure was worth it?
Life it's too short sweetie,and i see no justice in this world.

Your father has to pay for his actions.