Be careful what you wish for. The journey

[annabelle239]

Most people use loa for things like money,career,and relationships and things like that.I tend to use it for all kinds of things.And, it was this year I started utilizing the importance of uncovering limiting beliefs and delved into what i believe is called shadow work,which i just found out is a term,if i'm right that is a term for it. It started after a kiss by a friend. The kiss was fireworks,of course,and I then realized I do like him,and it had clearly been unconscious this whole time. He was very excited about this kiss as it lasted for a long time(like twenty minutes),and it made him look good as he did it in front of his friends which made him happy and he texted me daily excitedly but it was obvious he didn't know what to say(i know how he is with girls and also that he thinks too much) and we never did talk about the kiss besides a little bit that night. Anyways,sure enough with my vibration of getting overwhelmed and low,I did lose him. And,it was realized that i do have feelings for him and could see him in a new light that made curious about the unconscious.

Late last year,I would sometimes get anxiety thinking about certain things in my life not knowing a solution. I had a problem and before bed or in certain situations triggering it,I DID get anxiety about it,but then once all was fine,just got annoyed and moved on. I had become closed up more and more in the last two years,even though before that i started overcoming and becoming more open. I would use self defeating language about myself with my problem not thinking a big deal about it. Then,after a trip,I came home and had a very terrifying incident especially for someone with my problem happen. The thing is,I handled it all on my own. That shows something.My own mother wouldn't even come over. She was drunk. The cops were wonderful but after this my world changed and slowly my anxieties about my problem turned into full blown panic attacks.

After feeling a breakdown in my life shortly after that about life things i wanted to change not really related to that,and during the timeframe of my friend and i not speaking that much,i started doing some personal development work to really change my life,because i didn't want to attract what happened with my friend ever again or other things like it that felt similar in some ways. I was fed up.

I started the work. And,during,I set the intention for the unconscious to become conscious that i am ready for. I cleared a lot of other stuff i had wanted,too.This is the same time frame my anxieties started turning to full blown panic attacks once i also moved and even to delusions and paranoias. I was so scared of who i was becoming that I might end up in a mental hospital that's how crazy i was feeling.

There's been a lot of serendipity at work this whole time. I started to have it come to me that i need to start facing my fears. That wasn't quite enough but was the beginning of me acknowledging the problem. I then got serious about spiritually detoxing(avoiding things that prevent me from having quiet as quiet IS the meditation that allows you to hear source speak to you and clarify things and heal you and give you insights). I started to see how my paranoias were delusions and that it's time to make a choice. To stop living in this fear space and just face my fears,even the risk of something ever harming me,which it won't but would be less bad then the constant panics. I came across an article randomly about panic attacks and how it's signaling to you a limiting belief that's calling loud for your attention..and sure enough,i found it. And,i connected the dots of how that limiting belief grew bigger and bigger and brought me to this,and how i asked for the unconscious to become conscious. I had wanted out so bad of that which gave me anxiety and as they say,it's darkest before the dawn. I finally feel the delusions and cloud slipping away and feel like me again. No,it's not perfect. I'm taking loving myself steps that push me but don't push too hard. The panic attacks are pretty much over. I now see I had something in my psyche giving me anxiety that was from a limiting belief that was holding me back and had reached a climax so i can heal from it once and for all and be free in new ways. I'm really grateful. I now know,just as i had a feeling, that the incident in spring had a spiritual reason for it. Perhaps,that's even my friend who kissed's me purpose,too,well a part of it..to inspire me to look at the unconscious a bit more as this year does seem the be the year of shadow work.. I feel really free. I also did some journaling and cleared up some limiting beliefs i had about my relationships with others,so that's a nice new thing,too i'm looking forward to. My point of this post is,the universe is infinitely friendly. Throughout this,the universe knew i was nervous about something and wondering about the future and brought this into my life for me to come to where i'm at now. The funny thing is,i've had dreams for years now that i thought meant something else that i just recently realized symbolically reflected my limiting belief. This truly was something unconscious and something building up so it makes perfect sense the universe gave this to me as something unconscious to make conscious. How wonderful to live in a universe that truly cares for and loves me that it would help me become more free and to free me of things i thought maybe i'd never become free of but,of course,as i've seen by now,the most impossible of things i thought i'd never manifest or that situations i thought i'd never get out of,the universe has come through for me and manifested! Truly,nothing is impossible and i'm amazed at all that i've manifested.