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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 15-07-2018, 08:23 AM
Morrigan Morrigan is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 61
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Family estrangement

In April, we went to stay for a long weekend with my husband's mother and step father who live 3 hrs drive from us.
We ended up falling out with his mother, who at 75 is just 15 yrs older than me. We fell out over the fact that we dared to speak up about the family dynamics and in particular the awful behaviour of my H's younger brother at a family meal out in a pub. She said I had no right to speak about this to her - I think being in that family for 15 yrs GIVES me the right!

I always used to make an effort with his mother, but she is the sort of person who likes to talk about herself and isn't much interested in anyone else. She never phones my husband unless she wants something, it is always down to him to make contact. Her husband (H's step father) has a drink problem.

On the Sunday night I had gone to bed and heard my H having an almighty argument with them, he then came up 2 flights of stairs with step father hot on his heels saying "get out, get out". We had to leave at 9.30pm at night, when they knew we'd had a few glasses of wine, and drive 3 hours home.
We are now estranged from them. I have never been thrown out of anywhere in my life, and I don't expect to start at age 60! I have said that H can do what he wishes, but I will not have any more to do with either of them.

I am not sure what I am supposed to make of this whole episode on a spiritual level. Maybe it is just me learning to stand up for myself which I never used to do in my own emotionally abusive family.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this, please?
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Old 15-07-2018, 03:36 PM
linen53 linen53 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 14,332
 
It seems the family dynamics are a bit distorted. First I thought it a tad inappropriate that the daughter in law was giving her opinion on her husband's family. But then the scale tipped when the step father chimed in and kicked you both out.

So not so inappropriate anymore.

I am estranged from all of my family. Have been for 6 years now. No one calls, or drops by. The daughter in law did for awhile but she is divorced from my son now.

No you don't have to cow-toe to your mother in law. You can have your opinions. But it will estrange you from your husband's family since you have no blood ties. I guess you have to weigh the pros and cons.

For me, I rather prefer being estranged from my family. The family dramas are a bit to much for me anymore. I like my life peaceful and calm. And I've gotten used to them not being around. It's a complicated situation all around. But it is what it is.
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  #3  
Old 16-07-2018, 09:15 AM
MartaHarvey MartaHarvey is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 3
 
Hello, my dear friend.
I think that the family dynamics are slightly reduced. You need to establish relationships in the family. Take it easy with everything. Stay calm. Show your love to everyone. Rejoice in life and appreciate your family. Your family will notice your love and everything will be fine.
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