I think I may have been not very nice....

Hello, I thought I would see if anyone else has had incredibly tough experiences and wonders if this might be a paying of their karmic debt? I suffer schizophrenia which included 1000 days of constant waking nightmares, all ingeniously different and horrifying I have yet to come to terms with any of it...Yeh it was bad. But I see huge providence in what I went through, because now I am much, much better, the experiences are far less intense and my life has become awesome! I have a great girl friend, lovely flat, brilliant friends and family, potential to succeed and constant helping from the angels and God. I see proof of this darker self who I was paying for in my consciousness, the force of absolute evil inside me was incredible, and fairly terrifying.

I battled and battled this part of me for years as well as many other parts of my illness but this consciousness suffered with me and is now being cleansed! So I was wondering if anyone thinks this is possible or has actually happened to them? It is obvious to me that this was God's plan and I was a very naughty boy/girl in a previous life. Feel no shame if you are, we all pay our dues, if more people knew that then the world would be a far better place!

[essvass]

Dear Lawlor,
I think you would have better understanding of what is going on with you than anyone else. I've heard that illness could be a conscious pre-birth choice and not a punishment for not being nice. I only want you to know that reading you are feeling better warms my heart. It sounds you are doing everything right. Blessings,

[Tobi]

Lawlor, most of us have done things in the past which we would not do now. And even if someone has lived a beautiful life, it is always possible they have done things in past lives they haven't in this one.

The thing is not what we once did, but what we are doing now, and how we have set ourselves to better things, and live in a different way with truer values. We are very different people now than we used to be -in whatever life.

Thank you, it is brilliant to be out of it. Of course I am very scarred and the healing process is so slow! But still, my existence is a million times better then it used to be so I guess I am doing it right. I just wish it hadn't been quite so hard, parts of me are very angry at God for all of it, but I still love Him even now.

I don't know where this darkness inside me would come from if not a previous life? I think I may be a shapeshifter, the phrase coined by Doreen Virtue in Realms of The Earth Angels and I feel like this could be an explanation, the darkness of my race is inside me and this is what I battled. Anyone ever heard about this before?

[Tobi]

I honestly think the human experience over the course of many incarnations contains elements of both 'darkness' and 'light'.(metaphorically-speaking) That is probably what we experience being human for. It's the progress which is made that counts. And the use we make of opportunities along the way, to use our intelligence and compassion. We still don't always get it perfectly right, but at least we are trying.

I have certainly heard of shapeshifting. But I don't know the context you mean re: "Realms of the Earth Angels".

Wise words, I very much believe that. If actual shape shifting exists...that'd be awesome! The context I use it in is Doreen Virtue's term to describe a different kind of Earth Angel that comes down here to help out on Earth. I think I may be one, something actually on this site prompted me to look at it again and I re read some of her book, Realms of The Earth Angels. I feel the angels are sending me messages that I really am one, but don't know what actually being one means, other then Doreen's guidance.

[Tobi]

Shapeshifting can happen. It is common on the astral planes. I have done it myself. It totally figures on those planes because we are not as rigid (form) as we are led to believe on the Earth plane! We are basically energy.

But I am not familiar with the work of Earth Angels. Others here might be....

[skygazer]

Lawlor, a different view point on "karmic debt" exists. Why not branch out and contemplate other possibilities before becoming married to this one?

hmm, yes it would be prudent to explore all the different beliefs around it. I actually read an article about a man who experienced past life regression and found he was a serial killer! However he made no mention of intense anguish and suffering. Care to explain this other view point? Thanks!

Tobi: I really would love to try something like that, do you have any advice? I'm on medication currently so that might be a hindrance. Thanks!